Their love was innocent and pure… believe.
They’ve spent years trudging through the wreckage left behind after eight months in conversion therapy as teenagers.
When their lives collide again fifteen years later, the denial they’ve lived with for years gets harder and harder to fight.
They loved each other once. Can two broken men find a way to love each other again?
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This was such a hard book to read. Not because the writing is bad or there was something the author used to offend me. This story is filled with immense pain for the two main characters. Nicky James gives her readers a story of two guys who fell in love as teens and who have each suffered at the hands of the two people in the world who should love him unconditionally – his parents. Immediately after both boys being sent away for an 8-month stay at a conversion therapy clinic, neither Jameson nor Oakland is okay. They are surviving if surviving means having becoming a runaway, drug dependence, marital issues, alcohol abuse, self-mutilation and anonymous, rough sex in filthy alleys. Both are suicidal and suffer some degree of PTSD. The story fills in all the blanks about their backstory and takes you on their journey to becoming reacquainted many years later. When they meet again they find that they both experience intense anger, denial, crushing loneliness, self hatred and deep, deep sadness. Watching them learn to stand up for themselves and face what their “treatment” tried to drive out of them as boys is gut wrenching. The author stays away from graphic details about the “treatment” and delivers a story that is redemptive and more than uplifting. Oakland’s wife is excellently portrayed and walks that fine line between sadness and acceptance of what her husband is going through. I highly recommend this emotion filled book … it’s one I won’t forget anytime soon.
6 stars
I’m overwhelmed…
This book is heartbreakingly beautiful; it broke my heart and it made me feel so much rage and pain…. It’s not an easy story: Jameson and Oakland are lost souls.
They struggle every day just to survive; they are at the lowest point of their life when they meet again after 15 years, after what their “parents” did to them (i’m not gonna talk about them because just thinking about them make me want to punch something).
They should be toxic for each other but their connection is so powerful that finding each other is precisely the spring that triggers the change.
I’m not gonna cuddle you by telling after that they happily live togethers: they had to fight harder then ever to fix what had been broken, to understand that what they was taught was wrong, to let go all the bad in their life (the addictions, the self-arm, the suicidal thoughts, the hatred ).
JJ & Oak’ story made me cry because i just can’t understand why something so pure like love can be seen as a sin ??!
The Devil Inside is a #MustRead not just because it’s an amazing story, but also because it teach you something, if you’re willing to listen: Love is just love, and it’s more powerful than hate.
There is so much I want to say about this book. I do not even know where to begin. This book is off the charts good. If I could give it more than 5 stars I would. Why you ask? I have found that Nicky James does not shy away from difficult subjects. When she takes on a subject, you can be guaranteed an emotional, emotional ride. Here is my disclaimer on this book. Please read the blurb before you read this book. This book deals with gay conversion therapy, suicide, self-harm, and substance abuse, just to mention a few of the biggies. If any of these items might trigger you, the reader, I would recommend passing on this intense story.
The main characters of Oakland and Jameson are just so well crafted, I wanted to crawl into the book and wrap them in bubble wrap to protect them from the world. Our main characters initially meet during their formative teenage years and develop an attraction to each that is labelled as wrong by their parents. This leads them down a very dark road, separately, from gay conversion camp to addictions on a grand scale. Nicky’s worldbuilding for this book is intense and heart wrenching. This book encompasses Oak and Jameson’s journey back to a world they can live in, while dealing with their demons. I must also mention that this book has exceptional side characters, my favorite of those is Gerry. She is the hero of this story for me, with her unconditional love for our battered and bruise men. Oak and Jameson come back into each other’s lives at each other’s worst. As they journey through the recovery process, will they be able to accept each other for who and what they are? Will they be able to put the shattered pieces of their lives back together or will the road to recovery be to much for them to overcome.
Nicky tackles some extremely tough subjects in this book and pulls it off in spectacular fashion. I highly recommend having Kleenex available as you share Oakland and Jameson’s journey. As always, I look forward to Nicky’s next book.
Please be sure to heed the trigger warnings for this book. They are real, and they are not sugar-coated. Alcohol and drug abuse, self-harm, suicidal ideation, homophobia – internalized, externalized, and institutionalized…one character has a crisis of faith..I may have missed something but that’s the gist of it.
The Devil Within touched me deeply. At its heart, it’s a second-chance romance but there’s very little that’s romantic in this story of two men who each lived through a hell that no one should ever have to endure, changing their lives forever. Not only did they live, they scratched and clawed their way to a new life.
Few writers deal with mental health issues the way that Nicky James does, with the level of detail, the realism (at least in my limited experience with the system from being married to a bipolar paranoid dissociative man.) Her compassion for those who struggle shines through, and it keeps the story from veering off into the darkness.
For all the violence and horrors this book portrays, there’s also tenderness, humor, and hope, keeping it from being unbearably sad. It’s not an easy story to read, but it’s imminently worth it.
These characters and this story will stay with me for a long while.
Ummm… Where to start. Have a box of Kleenex folks,this is a hard & emotional read. I held off my tears until 17 %,then they never stopped. Oakland & Jameson had a hard life,damn their parents, & living the lie broke them, they got addicted to stuff & self harm. So freaking sad. When they see each other years later,the old memories come back and everything changes. From bad to worse,temptation,oh the angst! the story was heartbreaking & Nicky James done it wonderfully beautiful. A Recommended Read!
This has to be the most powerful read of 2020 for me! The story about one of the most controversy topics that has been thrown out there as a cure for being gay “Conversion Therapy.” Like loving a person who happens to be of the same sex is wrong.
The horrors of what happens in places such as these. The devastating effects it has or could have long after a person leaves.
This is a telling of two fictional men at a young age whose parents decided that Conversion Therapy was the only way to save their son’s.
The consequences of these actions caused alot of heart aches, self destruction, sucide attempts and locking up and denying the men they were.
After years apart they finally reconnect in the last place they ever thought they would see each other. These two broken men come together and fight their demons to finally become the men they were always suppose to be and the lovers they should have been all along.
The Queen of Tears has managed to out do herself once again!
Wow, what a book. I’m still catching up on my Nicky James reading so I haven’t read some of her more angst-ridden stories yet but if this is what it’s gonna be like, I’m more than ready. This was a beautiful, heart-breaking stories of two boys in love ripped apart but finding each other as broken men years later. The pacing of this book was great and gives a proper insight into the struggles of both characters and how differently they coped with similar situations. My heart broke for Jameson especially in this one and I loved the addition of Micah and Geraldine as they were just what he needed when his own family failed him. The love between Oakland and Jameson was obvious from the get go and though there were many struggles along the way, I’m glad they found their way back to each other. Stunning story, have your tissues ready!!
This author doesn’t shy away from hard topics and you expect at least some angst and tears.
In this book it was angst and more of a constant ake in my heart when reading.
It deals with hard topics but it’s written really well, not over the top dramatic (there’s really no need because it’s hard enough as it is) but doesn’t take it lightly either.
Both Jameson and Oakland suffers after being sent to conversion therapy and are trying to mask the pain in different ways but neither self medication or self hurt can take away what’s always there under the surface. And when they both are sent to group therapy and see each other for the first time since they were teenagers it all comes to a tipping point.
I love second chances and Jameson and Oakland really deserve one. Another thing I really liked was the women in the book, Gerry is amazing and I really liked Amanda too.
The worst part of it is that this happens in real life, parents are actually sending their children off to be tortured just because they love someone. All places like these shoukd be illegal and punishable.
This fantastic, blunt, honest, brutal, grab-you-by-the-feels, emotionally charged, nail biting, keep-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat, bittersweet, no holds barred, heartbreaking yet ultimately hopeful, poignant, powerful, intense, make-me-shed-tears-of-both-joy-and-sadness, amazing, and totally awesome story literally pulled me in from the very first page. I read it in one sitting, and ended up with a massive book hangover because I just could NOT put it down!! Please heed the trigger warnings about this marvelous gem, but I can definitely recommend getting this ASAP.
The Devil Inside. My first reaction is yet, another Nicky James Masterpiece!!!! So freaking awesome, so freaking powerful. This author has such a unique style of writing that while I am totally hooked on each word she writes I feel like she have given me some serious insight, understanding,compassion. Damn I cant quite get the words together for how brilliant this story is. The story shows just how real the struggle is after being scarred, scared, abused both mentally and physically by conversion therapy. Absolutely loved Oak & JJ. There were tears shed for these two. What a journey!! Geraldine is my new hero. A huge congrats to this author on a absolute stellar and powerful story. Very highly recommended.
Wow, what a beginning! I was drawn in right away.
Oakland (Oak) and his issues were intense and sad.
Jameson is just as messed up.
The angst level is sky high. Nicky James really knows how to bring it. Before the 10% mark of this book I was fully invested, sad and scared for these men. My heart was breaking for the lives they were forced to live. The hurt and pain Jameson and Oak endured and continue to live through is immense.
When they meet again they are toxic for each other. It’s sad but true. Both men denying what they feel.
A powerful, emotional story.
A story of hate and homophobia being overcome with hope and found family.
Highly recommend!!
Never thought this book would be this painful. I wanted to cry, to smash my room, to hit someone, to scream. And what did I do? Just read and pray for HEA and for those two to be happy.
I thought this book will be about two men falling in love while neither one of them are gay. Instead I got to see them crash and burn. Two broken soul, one love story.
“We weren’t a good match to get out of this together. We were both too damaged, too broken to rely on one another for help, yet, he was my only companion in the dark.
I wouldn’t leave him behind.”
This book was just as beautiful and painful as the other ones by Nicky. I fell in love with the story and loved reading Oak and JJ ‘s relationsip. The addictions both had, and the way they tried to find the light and accept themself and their feelings. It was beautifully written. How can something be this painful and beautiful at the same time?
“Of all my addictions, Jameson had always been the worst.”
And the side characters were amazing too. I loved Micah and Wally and Gerry too. They brought the sunshine to this story.
JJ’s POV was hardest and he suffered more, and I hurt for him and Oak too. Oakland’s life was a bit lighter but the same dark as JJ’s. Those things they went through in their teenage life was horrible. And I still want to scream and hit someone if I think about that story.
Nicky James did it again and created two broken souls with an amazing and beautiful love story. Loved this book so much
“Acknowledging that there isn’t anything wrong with being ay or bi or however you indentify. It’s about finding self-love and happiness.”
And I can’t wait to read about how Micah and Wally’s firt met.
Let’s just start off that this is one of my top 2020 books. It is a huge 5 stars and I wish I could give it more. I know anything I write here is not even doing these beautiful men justice. I could NOT put this book down even with the tears flowing.
Jameson and Oakland are so heartbreakingly beautiful. My heart ached in pain for these men’s past and the future they were fighting for. They are scarred inside and out because of what their parents put them through and what has been trained in their minds in conversion therapy.
This is a second chance romance with guys that fell in love as boys and never let that love go as men even though they tried to fight it for so many years.
Please take the trigger warning seriously. There’s self harming, addiction, suicidal thoughts, and mentally unstable men. Everything these guys fight through daily just hurt my heart.
However, they are survivors and with the love of an unexpected family, Micah, Wally, and most of all Geraldine they find the support they need in these three wonderful people.
There’s all the angst but Nicky gives us the step by step heal these men need to have their HEA. Brilliant. Just brilliant and beautiful story
Where to start with this review??
Oh My Gawd!!! The Devil Inside is such a powerful second chance story by one of my favourite authors, the queen of angst – Nicky James.
This book isn’t for the faint hearted. The complexity and depth of character of Oakland and Jameson are outstanding!! It is beautifully written with well-timed wit to add relief and balance to an otherwise difficult story.
As always, Mrs. James knows just how to keep her readers engaged with the addition of endearing side characters.
The understanding and respect with which Nicky James tells her stories is commendable. She takes exceedingly difficult topics (in this case the aftereffects of conversion therapy) and presents them to her readers with compassion as she aims to educate us to the many facets of mental health.
I cannot recommend this book enough!! Definitely one of the most compelling reads for me for 2020!!
Wow what an amazing book! I will be the first to admit I went into this book a little afraid of how much it would make me feel and worried it would be too much to handle. Read and heed the trigger warnings, they are real. That being said, the way this book was written and the way the story evolved far surpassed my expectations and I am so glad I took the plunge! This is a love story at it’s core, even during the darkest periods, the deep abiding love that was buried within them is what helps them get through each day and what ultimately helps them make it through the fog and the haze and come out ok on the other side!
From the very first page I was sucked into the pain and hurt and anguish that griped both Oakland and Jameson’s lives. They were both so broken, both so damaged and both so far from being happy. Was it hard to read sometimes, yes, but that is because right from the start I connected with them both and felt for them both, hurt for them both and wished so much they would both find happiness. This is because Nicky James is an expert storyteller. She immerses you into the characters and you never want to let go. She did not make this an easy journey for them. They had to fight for it, they struggled mightily along the way, they stumbled and fell, but it was all so realistic and all so well written. She did not magically heal them after one therapy session, they didn’t talk it out and were immediately able to move forward–they had to work hard, rely on others, build new foundations of trust, love and acceptance, all on their way to finding peace and happiness. They both had different demons to slay, all of them stemming from the same terrible experience when they were 17. Oakland had to battle with depression and addiction and a struggling marriage. Jameson had to battle with self-harm and self-loathing, parents with unyielding beliefs and struggling with his faith in God. These were not easy demons to work through by any means. But watching them work through them, watching them work to heal, watching them take 2 steps forward and one step back and watching them eventually find their sense of peace, acceptance and happiness was just exceptional!
One of the things that really stood out for me was the marvelous cast of side characters that supported Oak and JJ along the way! Gerry was probably one of the most fun and fiercest little old ladies I have come across in a long time. Her love and acceptance of “Jimmy” melted my heart every time. Micah and Wally were virtual strangers that became so much more, I loved them instantly and cannot wait to read more about them hopefully one day. Amanda blew me away, her love and support of Oakland was a joy to read. These people stood by Oak and JJ every step of the way.
I loved every bit of their journey from the most challenging times to their happily ever after. I was riveted every step of the way and so completely emotionally satisfied at the end…it is a journey definitely worth taking!