As God allows us to understand the mystery and marvel of brain science, we have the exciting opportunity to reexamine our assumptions about human behavior. Perhaps nowhere does this impact our lives more profoundly than when we think about raising children–especially teenagers. Where parents often see a sweet boy or girl who has morphed into an incomprehensible bundle of hormones and angst, what … what we really ought to be seeing is an amazing young adult whose brain is under heavy construction. And changing the way we see our teens will revolutionize our relationships with them.
Organized by what we hear teens say–things like I’m bored, You just don’t understand, Why are you freaking out?, I hate my life!, or Hold on . . . I just have to send this–this book helps parents develop compassion for their teens and discernment in parenting them as their brains are progressively remodeled. Rather than seeing the teen years as a time to simply hold on for dear life, Dr. Jeramy and Jerusha Clark show that they can be an amazing season of cultivating creativity, self-awareness, and passion for the things that really matter.
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I can’t recommend this book enough!! It’s easy-to-read, even with a bunch of scientific facts thrown in, and I love how it’s organized into 3 easy sections for each chapter (except 2 special ones): Bio 101, Psych 101, and Faith 101. They bring every issue back to biblical principles, and the biology is always credited to the Creator of our intricate brains.
It was interesting that this book was written directly to parents (as well as others with teenagers in their lives, like youth pastors and teachers). The overarching message is one of grace – give your teen a little compassion and gently guide them during this challenging time with your adult brain. There were many times that the lessons spoke to the adults as needing to be an example in these areas – and openly admitting when we struggle with them, too.
I loved how there were practical ideas in every chapter! I needed the reminder to keep conversations going (not with just one long lecture for each issue) with smaller bite-sizes (or byte-sizes?) for their internal processors to digest easier. And there are several chapters and appendices for sleep habits, eating habits, substance abuse, self-injury, and suicide.
Just a wealth of great ideas with tons of extra resources!
Favorite quotes: I have over 40 pages dog-eared and more with underlining! I’ll try to keep it to the most practical for me:
“…[We] cannot separate adolescent brain development from soul development.” (p. 9)
“Teenagers aren’t crazy; they’re just under construction.” (p. 17)
“Understanding your adolescent begins here: teens feel misunderstood because parents expect them to stay the same, but adolescence is all about change.” (p. 23)
“Allowing your adolescent to practice the skills necessary for adulthood while still in your home is a tremendous gift. It takes more time, patience, grace, and discernment than simply controlling or checking out…” (p. 35)
“Desiring the dopamine rush is not the problem; getting it in unhealthy ways is. Don’t mistake the two.” (p. 62)
“Teenage brains are like cars with supersensitive gas pedals and poor brakes.” (p. 67, quoting Dr. Laurence Steinberg)
“Conflict with your teenager is an opportunity for growth – in both of you – if you allow God to use it for redemptive purposes.” (p. 96)
“…striving for too much pleasure diminishes your ability to enjoy it.” (p. 160)
“Scientists have linked social networking to lack of self-control … higher body mass index, increased binge eating, a lower credit score, and higher levels of credit card debt…” (p. 165)
“According to Dr. Newberg, mirror neurons can play an important role in the communication of faith. If someone speaks about God in loving and confident ways, ‘those traits are similarly now reflected in the brains of all that are listening.’” (p. 187)
“Dr. Kara Powell and Dr. Chap Clark brilliantly advise, ‘never explain something to your kid if you can ask a question instead.’” (p. 189)
…and so many more!
(I received a copy for free as a gift. I was not compensated for this review. All opinions are my own, as was the decision to write this review.)