Tragedy brought us together, but something stronger made me want to stay.”
Julian was the boy next door. My brother’s best friend, he fit with my family in ways I never could. While he and Rhett went on to play house, I left the only life I knew, desperate for a fresh start.
Until everything changed.
Heartache came along, and the aftermath of my brother’s death was here to stay. I was now face … to stay. I was now face to face with Julian more than I ever wanted to be.
Being around him brought up all my insecurities, forced me to deal with hard truths, and conjured up feelings I had no business entertaining. He wasn’t the man I thought I knew. He was complex and layered, and inherently beautiful in all the ways I’d never noticed.
Not on another person.
Not on another man.
Not until him.
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This was my first read by this author, and let me just say it most definitely won’t be my last. I’m a lover of MM stories and this book absolutely and unequivocally blew me away. The depth of emotions I felt while reading this is incredible. Deacon and Julian will forever be in my heart. It’s not just a story about two men. It’s a journey of two people who come to find they have so much more in common than they ever thought. I couldn’t put this down as it kept me entranced from the very first paragraph. I can’t even tell you how much you need to read this book. My heart stopped, melted and beat again. Just pure brilliance!
FAMILY DYNAMICS WITH THE LOSS OF A LOVED ONE
This story tugged on my heart. I wanted to cry for Deacon and trounce his mother. She is very abusive and selective in her love. She gives more to Julian, her dead son, Rhett’s, boyfriend, and none to Deacon, her eldest son. Her inability to love Deacon makes him see himself as useless and unworthy of love. Julian and Deacon have a moment of acknowledgement that neither understands when Deacon gives Julian a box from Rhett. Their lives intertwine in a parody of hate and understanding. I was glad to see them find themselves and Julian get to do something for himself with Deacon’s blessings.
**re-read 01/28/2021**
I’ve been seeing this book everywhere over the last couple of weeks so that I knew I had to do a re-read. Mainly because this was my first MM book EVER and I just wanted to see if the story held up the way it did in mind. The answer to that is 100% YES!!
If possible, I loved Deacon and Julian even more the second time around. The last time I read this book I was so absorbed in the story that I read it with fury just trying to see what was going to come of their story. This time I was able to really take in the feelings that both guys were having, and I was sucked in way more than I expected. Of course, I cried like a baby.
One of the main things I noticed this time around that I didn’t really notice the last time was that Deacon was never really uncomfortable for his feelings for Julian. He was attracted to him for who he was and not just his physical appearance, but he just knew that he had never felt this way about someone before and he wasn’t about to let his feelings about how he lacked get in the way of the man he loved.
To me, this is just one of those perfect and beautiful stories. It made me feel so much with both readings and while I was sad again to say goodbye in my imagination Deacon and Julian are living the lives they fought so hard for in Seattle, in a home that they created for themselves. A place that is theirs.
**original review 03/16/2020**
PLAIN AND SIMPLE THIS BOOK IS 100% PERFECTION!!!
Let me start by saying this is first M/M romance novel. To me this is a once in a year epic novel. A story with not only love, angst and heat but a story that makes you question things in your life you never would have questioned before. I fell in love with this story. I was a part of this story.
“How did I ever think this man was indifferent and unfeeling? Love pours out of him, like he’s been waiting his whole life to shower someone with it.”
I keep typing and I keep deleting because not matter what I say I will NEVER be able to do this story justice. There were times where I was laughing so hard, I was crying and other times I was just crying because of how real this story felt. Marley Valentine made me fall in love with not only Deacon and Julian but with M/M romance.
Read this book loves, it will change your life…….
This book was my first MM romance and it made me fall in love with the genre. I absolutely loved this book and the characters. There was one scene towards the end that managed to shatter me and put me back together in just a few minutes. I loved the depth of the characters, their backstories, and the the build up of their romance. You will not go wrong reading this book. It’s one of those books I go through and re-read at least once a month. It’s beautiful and amazing.
I’ve read this book twice (so far–the second time was on audio) and I’ve started to write this review about 17 times, at least, but this is it! I’m doing it! Fair warning: the emotional hangover from this book is VERY. REAL.
The first time I read this book, it had the unfortunate timing of coming right after a romantic comedy. I started and then texted a reading buddy of mine, “I’m not quite sure if it’s me or this book, but there’s all this angst and FEELING that seems to come out of nowhere…can you start reading this and tell me if I’m crazy?” Spoiler alert: I was crazy. He finished it in 2 days, and I had to put it down to come back to it once I wasn’t in that euphoric-romcom-hangover-headspace!
But once I picked it up again, I was totally in it…
Marley has such a talent for writing beautifully flawed human characters. Deacon & Julian are gorgeously written men with depth of emotion and thought. They each have their own struggles including, but not limited to, loss of a loved one, mental & emotional abuse, sexual identity questioning, and life goal decision fatigue, and it’s a pleasure to watch them handle all of these with grace and dignity and love.
I learned recently that Marley was a social worker in her past life, which completely explains her grasp of wide-ranging emotions and they way they drive behaviors.
I don’t want to spoil anything (if you want that, there are other reviews out there that can do that for you), so I just want you to know a few things:
1. This book is not for the emotionally immature
2. Deacon & Julian are worth the ride
3. Marley Valentine is a brilliant, eloquent, and engaging writer…and can you really ask for more than that?
4. After breaking you down with this book, she will build you up, and leave you with a feeling of hope and great promise.
Final score: Full
Will read again and again and again. Thank you for the journey, MV.
This is without a doubt one of my top reads of all time!! This was my first book by Marley Valentine and I knew it was going to be emotional just from the synopsis. What I didn’t expect was for the first chapter to completely gut me and make me instantly fall in love with Deacon!! Marley opened this book perfectly. You could literally feel the raw emotion from the loss Deacon and his family are going through. You also learned so much about Deacon almost instantly; his loving and caring personality, his weakness for the important people in his life, his quite and reserved demeanor, and above all his unexplainable need to care for and love someone. And in that same breath you just know that Julian is going to be the one thing Deacon cannot explain or conquer. For me it was an instant love for Deacon but also Julian just felt like someone I wanted to be around just from what Deacon felt in that simple but painful moment.
Julian is a lost and sad man and the way he lives his life after love is very lonely. If you find love when you are young and alive how do you find happiness when that light is gone, taken away? Even though this man is a shadow of who Julian really is, he still is easy to adore with his kind and caring and easy personality.
What this story does is take two men who never thought they’d find the one true thing that would make them happy. They are two men who can’t explain the draw to eachother but for very different reasons. Their need is palatable and it was a true joy to see these two learn to first be friends and then more. And let’s not forget to mention their powerful chemistry that literally lit up the pages.
Marley’s writing is all talent and heart. I cannot count how many times I reread chapters and wished this book could go on forever. I really think this book is special and everyone should read it. It is the definition of an imperfect love that cannot be denied.
I absolutely loved this audio. It was everything I loved in a story. The writing, the characters, the narrators, I can’t say a bad word about it, not one bad word. Enemies to lovers. Emotional, and quite possibly (in some eyes), forbidden romance. Personally I loved Julian and Deacon together. They just made sense, and in my eyes, I truly believe that Rhett would have cheered them on. I don’t want to give anything away, so I’ll finish by saying if you’re an m/m fan this is a must read, Marley Valentine is a new to me author, and I’m definitely looking into reading more of her books, that said, if Teddy Hamilton’s narrating more of hers, I’ll definitely be buying the audio, it’s a given. I loved it.
So much to say, but no words that will completely encompass what I need to say about this book.
Emotionally, I’m not okay! This book absolutely destroyed me, in the best way possible, and I don’t know that I will ever be okay again. Deacon and Julian are unforgettable. Their story is raw intensity, utter emotional wreckage and absolutely beautiful.
This author’s words are mesmerizing. I felt every bit of life from these characters. They felt so real, like I’ve known them my entire life, and the emotions this author drew from me, is leaving me with a serious book hangover.
Teddy Hamilton is one of my favorite narrators, and no surprise, he was fantastic. Tim Paige is new to me, but he was also impressive. The way these two brought Julian and Deacon to life, captivated me, and I love this book. I’m saving as one of my favorites because I will definitely be listening to this one again soon!
Deacon is a sad and tortured man. Julian is his dead brothers boyfriend. I love love love a “why am I feeling these things” M/M story. This is a slow burn. Like really slow. But that said , the build up was great. These two men are both insecure, they are both confused (for different reasons), and the are both hurting. This book definitely pulls at the heart strings. As for the narration, because I did the audiobook, this was my first experience with Tim Paige and I really enjoyed it. His smooth voice delivered the words beautifully. Teddy Hamilton made me feel. His nuances, the ache in his voice, and just his overall performance brought this book to another level for me. I was worried that this book wouldn’t live up to the hype, but it totally did. It met every expectation.
I’ve read so many MM books that left me in a defeated emotional state, but this one..this one book topped them all.
Gah, I will never forget Julian and Deacon’s story. This book was so tragic and heartbreaking, yet beautiful and touching. Coping with the death of a loved one is a pain you’ll never get over. You just learn to live with it day by day. The pain is still there, but you just learn to grow numb from it and that’s what these two experienced. Nothing else life seemed to matter much after Rhett’s death. And Deacon’s mom deserves the worst mother of the year award. It killed me to see how much Deacon wanted her love.
Listening to this audiobook gave me so many chills and goosebumps with every interaction they had. Teddy Hamilton has always been one of my top favorite narrators, but this was my first time listening to Tim Paige’s work. They both did a magnificent job bringing these characters to life. I may have to do a re-listen because these men have some of the sexiest voices ever!
This was my first introduction to Marley’s work and this woman knocked me on my *ss! What a way to be left in defeat.
If your looking for a heartfelt story, grab this one!
Deacon and Julian are grieving for Rhett, they haven’t really ever been friends or anything……. but it all might change with one touch …… one look ….. one kiss……
One last thing, I can’t or would ever understand Elaine. She is one example of someone I don’t ever want to become.
5+**
This book is beyond awesome!! I wanted to read it slowly so I could fully enjoy it but also too eager to find out what happens in the following pages.
This book’s has everything I love about a great book. It is beautifully written, great story, lots of angst, beautiful love story, emotionally touching, hot sex. I cried, it was so gut wrenching.
So so Awesome!!
This book is up there with my favorites!! I can’t recommend it enough.
Oh.My.God!!!! I LOVED this book! Soooo well written! My brain is tongue-tied. I am trying to write this review well and do this book justice but it just keeps coming out wrong. Marley has managed to take a story that makes our hearts break but still want to love. When the book starts out, Deacon’s younger brother, Rhett has passed and everyone is mourning his loss, especially Deacon’s mom, but Rhett’s boyfriend, Julian is devastated. There has been no love loss between Deacon and Julian. Deacon resents him, jealous of the relationship Julian has with Deacon’s family. Deacon feels he has always been a disappointment to his mom and that Julian is the other son she has always wanted. When Deacon drops off something to Julian for his Mom, he finds Julian a crumpled mess, a shell of a man and even though he does not want to, he feels for Julian and finds himself drawn to him and wanting to give him comfort. and so begins their slow burn journey. As time goes on Deacon is confused by his emotions. He has always been a straight man, but can’t fight the feelings that he has. Even though they fight it, they are drawn to each other. Both are racked with guilt because of Rhett. I ugly cried and happy cried, then ugly happy cried. I encourage you to take this heart-wrenching journey with them. You won’t be sorry.
I loved this book! Deacon and Julian were so perfect together. The heat and the angst and the emotion were pouring out of every word in this book. This was a quick read that was also so well developed that it felt like it was twice as long. The plot sucked ke in and I could not stop reading. I will definitely be recommending this book to everyone!
How do you explain that a book/audiobook is worth more than the price of “admission”? I can tell you this book is priceless. I can try to convey the soul warming effect. I can tell you the tears aren’t always a bad thing but how can I express the total joy and absolute need to share this on you? How do I get you to know that it’s beautiful, it’s sexy (how can in not be!?!), and its 110% romance?
This book is without a doubt one of the most heart warming, soul touching, everything books! Easily a new favorite and will always smile at the thought of it!
And let’s not forget the ever talented Teddy Hamilton, who makes me simultaneously soothed by his voice and turned on! (Sorry for the awkward and creepy way that sounds, Teddy!) Teddy has a way of making a story his. Making his voice and the character a living breathing being. Thank you for telling me Deacon’s story, it wouldn’t have been the same without you…
Tim Paige, while you are new to my ears, I look forward to hearing more from you. You did a great job and I can say with all honesty that I think you will become a new favorite of mine as well.
And last but not least Marley, you have crafted a story that burrows into the heart of a person. It gets in deep and creates a shining light of utter joy. Like feeding a plant the light continues to shine and create warmth and a lasting impact long after the words are done. Thank you. Thank you for giving me an HEA for a brother who never got his own.
Super sweet, heart warming and just an all around beautiful story. It wasn’t that made me super sad even though it had some sadness to it. I love that Deacon just went with it. He didn’t really fight what he was feeling and just gave into the new feelings that he felt. Julian made me sad. He went though a lot and my heart broke for him but he also didn’t let heartache stop him from finding happiness. It was a great read for fans of MM or even for people that want to give it a try. 4 stars #2OCCJD
I can’t say enough good things about this book. The story of Deacon and Julian really pulled my heartstrings. My heart broke for Deacon, who didn’t even think he deserved to be loved even though he was such a giving and loving person himself. His mom was a real piece of work and she treated him horribly. I cried for the little boy in him that just wanted to be loved for himself. Julian and Deacon have so much to overcome, but their love is worth fighting for.
My very first book by Marley Valentine just made me want to reach out and hug somebody.
My heart was in my throat most of the time I was reading Without You. But laced with all the pain and guilt and turmoil was the sweetest love story. I adored both Deacon and Julian. Their brokenness. Their want to please others. Their yearning to be enough. To be loved for exactly who they were. Faults and fears included.
Julian and Deacon had more than one roadblock in their way but were determined to somehow make it work. Never mind that Deacon had never been with a man before. Never mind that it would be looked at as betrayal or wrong. There was something in them that called to the other. Let them be completely themselves. It was an acceptance they had never felt before even within their own heart.
I can’t even really put into words the emotional journey Marley Valentine took me on while reading Without You. My heart broke and was beaten and stitched back together just to be pummeled again. But that ending, sigh, that ending, it was everything Julian and Deacon’s love story that defied the odds stacked against them deserved.
This was my first Marley Valentine book and WOW!!, am I ever glad I read it!! If you enjoy M/M this book surely doesn’t disappoint. Such great loss and sadness brings these 2 lost souls together, healing their hearts as they find love together. I loved the way Deacon didn’t need to put a label on his feelings, he just knew that he loved Julian. I really enjoyed the way Marley told the story in dual POV, as both men were so different yet both dealing with the same kind of loss. One of the best M/M stories I’ve read and I highly recommend it!!!
Wow, wow, wow! This story will gut you and then rebuild you all at the same time! This is one of my favorite books this year! A love story that will stay with you for a long time to come!