The activist and TED speaker Megan Phelps-Roper reveals her life growing up in the most hated family in America At the age of five, Megan Phelps-Roper began protesting homosexuality and other alleged vices alongside fellow members of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. Founded by her grandfather and consisting almost entirely of her extended family, the tiny group would gain worldwide … would gain worldwide notoriety for its pickets at military funerals and celebrations of death and tragedy. As Phelps-Roper grew up, she saw that church members were close companions and accomplished debaters, applying the logic of predestination and the language of the King James Bible to everyday life with aplomb–which, as the church’s Twitter spokeswoman, she learned to do with great skill. Soon, however, dialogue on Twitter caused her to begin doubting the church’s leaders and message: If humans were sinful and fallible, how could the church itself be so confident about its beliefs? As she digitally jousted with critics, she started to wonder if sometimes they had a point–and then she began exchanging messages with a man who would help change her life.
A gripping memoir of escaping extremism and falling in love, Unfollow relates Phelps-Roper’s moral awakening, her departure from the church, and how she exchanged the absolutes she grew up with for new forms of warmth and community. Rich with suspense and thoughtful reflection, Phelps-Roper’s life story exposes the dangers of black-and-white thinking and the need for true humility in a time of angry polarization.
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Oh. My. Gosh.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
I am not even sure HOW to review this book – there is just so much here. And much of it was NOT what I was expecting, though, to be honest, I don’t really know just WHAT I WAS expecting. But it wasn’t this. I wasn’t expecting to relate to Megan. At all. Westboro is a crazytrain “church”. Everyone knows that. But what I did not know is that amidst all the crazy-town stuff [the protests, the vulgar language, the hate] is a family [most of the congregation initially were related – children and grandchildren of Fred Phelps] that is just steeped in scripture. And not just any scripture, but the King James Version of scripture. The very scripture I was steeped in as a child and teen and adult [until I moved away and realized I would NOT go to hell for reading a translation]. And that they know it better than I can ever think to know it. And their interpretation of it is how they justify the hateful rhetoric that they spew. And I was shocked to see how often what I grew up with jibed with what they were teaching and being taught and if I am being honest, this totally and completely has messed me up. It is never simple and easy to realize that what you have been taught your whole life might actually border on hate [pro-life rallies come to mind] and seclusion and an unwillingness to accept new people into the “fold” for fear of “contaminating” what was already there. I have spent much of this book in tears and deep reflection. And will continue to do so as I work out what needs to be worked out in my own life. And for that alone, I thank Megan Phelps-Roper for being brave and writing this book. She is one of the bravest people I will never have the privilege to meet. I wish her well as she continues to navigate this road of forgiveness, healing, finding who she truly is, what she truly believes and walks that road without most of her family. I cannot even imagine.
This is a beautiful, brave, amazing and also, very hurtful book. She spares nothing in getting from where she came from to where she is at and that includes ALL of the hateful rhetoric that she regularly used to spew with great vengeance [in the name of God and love] – there WILL be moments that you will despair from the pure hate that is being written about. And there will be moments of despair as she and her sister decided to leave, when you realize that her family will vanish forever from her life. And just how heartbreaking that is. And that, no matter what she did, no one ever deserves that. She does not shy away from any of that, and when you are not in tears over the whole church issue, you will be in tears over the idea of losing your family forever.
This book will stay with me for a very long time, as I too work out the struggle I have with the Church as a whole [which I myself left 4 year ago and have just reentered very reluctantly] and just what I believe. If you are up for all the emotions that this will evoke, than this book is absolutely for you.
Thank you to NetGalley and Farrar, Straus and Giroux Publishing for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
A fascinating book that follows a young woman’s journey from growing up in a cult to breaking free and awakening to the world outside. Megan Phelps-Roper grew up as a golden child within her family’s infamous Westboro Baptist Church, protesting since childhood and gleefully snarking on Twitter to anyone and everyone. Until one day, her church turned on her own family and she realized, as she says in the book: “It was as if we were finally doing to ourselves what we had been doing to others – for over twenty years.” It’s a sad but often true fact of life that people don’t have empathy for others until they experience something themselves, but at least Megan finally did, was finally able to put herself in the shoes of those her family and her church viciously attack (to this day). It took real courage for her to leave behind her family, her home and the only life she’d ever known; to unflinchingly examine the beliefs that had been drilled into her since birth, and to come to her own conclusions about what is true, what is right, what is honorable. Add to this the fact that Megan is a fantastic writer, and this book is a real winner.
Megan Phelps-Roper’s voice is much needed in the current climate. I so appreciate her sharing her story. She gives me hope.
Unfollow is a memoir written by Megan Phelps-Roper, a former member of the Westboro Baptist Church. WBC is most famous for its extremely literal interpretations of the bible, picketing the funerals of dead US soldiers and its liberal use of homophobic slurs but to Megan it was her family and the only way of life she had ever known. Unfollow charts her remarkable intellectual and ethical journey from proud believer in the WBC message to advocate for tolerance, understanding and constructive challenge to ideas that we disagree with. I found this book fascinating. Phelps-Toper really gives the reader insight into the reasoning behind her behaviour for the first 26 years of her life and the intense guilt and regret she feels over her earlier actions. But she also doesn’t shy away from the grief, longing and unconditional love that she has for the family she had to leave behind after leaving the church. This is an emotionally honest and compelling memoir.
I gave this book five stars but, I can’t write an unbiased review of this. It is not possible. The WBC has been talked about in my life since I can remember. I was in those cars that drove by the pickets since the day they started, and my mother was even one to yell at them about having kids my age (I was four at the time) out there holding these awful signs. I’m biased because I livid this with them, just from the other side… From the beginning. My heart breaks for Megan, Grace, Libby, Josh, and any other child that grew up in this family that loved each other, be it in their own way, and was forced to run or thrown out in to a world they really didn’t know.
I don’t know if Megan reads these reviews, but if she does, I want to say that you have become a strong woman, and I truly hope one day you are able to find peace with your family and be in their lives again no matter if they stay in the WBC or not.
I had a lot of personal take away from this book because of my own childhood but I think the biggest thing anyone who reads this book will see is that just because your family is doing something you don’t or no longer agree with, it doesn’t mean you ever stop loving them.
Doubt wasn’t the sin, I came to believe. It was the arrogance of certainty that poisoned Westboro at its foundations.”
This is the story of the rise, decline and fall of Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka Kansas, as seen through the eyes of Fred Phelps’ granddaughter Megan Phelps-Roper. It’s a no holes barred, non sugar coated look at how the charisma of the founders gets co-opted by “the new leaders” who want to stay in charge in a changing society.
This intelligent highly skilled extended insular family have given new meaning to “looney tunes” but Phelps-Roper lets us see it through her eyes. How could the ones who claim the Bible’s calls to be in the world try to shut out the world? How dare they treat their “own” worse than those they are “called to save”? How abusive is that.
As an ordained pastor with a heavy theological background, I was amazed at the depth of personal sorrow the author brings to this cathartically personal memoir. This is a self-proclaimed “word lover” who had me looking for definitions all through the book. I never would have looked for this book had it not been mentioned on NPR one day, and I waited with baited breath for it to come into my library queue, dropping all others so I could read it. I read it in huge chunks, trying to make sense of it, And I was well rewarded with a book I see as a top ten contestant for 2019. Highly recommended 5/5
N.B- there are triggers for verbal and psychological abuse
[disclaimer: I received this book from the library and chose to read and review it]
BOOK REVIEW
UNFOLLOW by Megan Phelps-Roper
-DESCRIPTION-
This is a memoir by the granddaughter of Fred Phelps, the infamous pastor of the Westboro Baptist Church. We get a view of the emergence of the church, Megan’s childhood, and her eventual leaving.
-THOUGHTS-
1. Wow. Just wow. Not only do I have such a huge respect for Megan, but it definitely makes me stop and remember that although many of us are sickened by the message of the WBC, that these are real people, who have been born into this religion…as most people are.
2. At first you may be annoyed by Megan’s justification of the picketting, the villification of the counter protestors, and her blind allegiance…but trust me, it’s all intentional. We are on this trip with her. The members of this church have things in common with most of us, as much as we wish they didn’t.
3. Megan’s writing is beautiful. I thought it was brilliant that she not only quotes the Bible throughout…but then once she has left, she starts quoting other literature. Her way of thinking is super spot on for me. I’ve had a similar realization with Christianity.
-RATING-
I highly recommend this memoir.
-SIMILAR RECOMMENDED READS-
The Sound of Gravel
Half Broken Horses
Glass Castle