“It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me think.” -Liane Moriarty, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Big Little LiesThis is how a family keeps a secret…and how that secret ends up keeping them.This is how a family lives happily ever after…until happily ever after becomes complicated.This is how children change…and then change the world.This is Claude. He’s five years old, the … children change…and then change the world.
This is Claude. He’s five years old, the youngest of five brothers, and loves peanut butter sandwiches. He also loves wearing a dress, and dreams of being a princess.
When he grows up, Claude says, he wants to be a girl.
Rosie and Penn want Claude to be whoever Claude wants to be. They’re just not sure they’re ready to share that with the world. Soon the entire family is keeping Claude’s secret. Until one day it explodes.
Laurie Frankel’s This Is How It Always Is is a novel about revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family. And it’s about the ways this is how it always is: Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again, parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts, children grow but not always according to plan. And families with secrets don’t get to keep them forever.
more
Wow, this books is fantastic. A beautiful family story about acceptance and how easy it is to say but how hard it is to do sometimes. Highly Recommend.
This is one of the best books I’ve read in a long time. It’s a love story – about a man and a woman, a family and a kid – with layers of complications and beauty. Gorgeous prose, spot on dialogue (the brothers are hilarious, poignant, heart-wrenching, and utterly real), and page-turning storytelling. Highly recommend.
I can’t even begin to tell you how lovely and heartbreaking and emotional and sad and inspiring – how, well, EVERYTHING this book is… I know it will take a lot of flak for the subject matter – a gender dysphoric child. Regardless of your position on the issue, this is a beautifully written story about family and love and secrets and being true to yourself. All of your selves. Whether people understand or see those selves or not. Whether you understand or see those selves or not.
It’s really something – I just finished and am still working through a lot of what I read in my head, but HAD to recommend it. It is a deftly written tale, with so much wisdom about the importance of being who you are – not who people (any people – strangers, family, friends, or even the small scared sad voice inside the back corner of your own head who only comes out in the dead of night) say you are…
Such a timely issue. What would you do if your very young child wanted to be a different gender? One family’s journey with a boy who thought he was a girl. Very well done.
“You never know. You only guess. This is how it always is. You have to make these huge decisions on behalf of your kid, this tiny human whose fate and future is entirely in your hands. Who trusts you to know what’s good and right and then to be able to make that happen. You never have enough information. You don’t get to see the future. And if you screw up – if with your incomplete contradictory information you make the wrong call – nothing less than your child’s entire future and happiness is at stake. It’s impossible. It’s heartbreaking. It’s maddening.”
Ain’t it the truth. When I was growing up, my father would always stress that there was no greater responsibility in the world than parenting. I think it was his way of relaying why he was so equally anxious and strict with me. But now that I am a parent, I get it. I understand it ten times over. I’m living it. Keeping a vulnerable and dependent human alive, emotionally and physically healthy, and safe from themselves and others will have the most confident person shaking in their boots.
This book is first and foremost about parenting. It’s about the internal and external stressors of it all, and how there are no easy answers. An equally important layer of this book is the subject of gender identity and how harmful social norms in the US can be when an individual wants to explore who they really are, and when a parent wants to let them. This is How It Always Is is beautiful and heartbreaking. The writing is nothing short of stunning, and I was fulling invested in this reading experience. Absolutely recommend.
One of the best fiction novels I’ve read in a long time. This book delves into a family’s life as one of the children discovers she is transgender. It was, at turns, funny and heartbreaking. I was moved to tears, and while I do not struggle with gender dysphoria, I can definitely relate to the struggle of figuring out who I truly am. I believe most of us can.
I liked this book quite a lot but I had some issues with the writing style. The subject is extremely relevant and I recommend reading this book without reading anything about it. You won’t be disappointed. The writing style was trite and a little cheesy at times and there were parts where I thought, please just get on with it, but otherwise the story and the subject matter drew me in and I found myself rooting for the characters. Give it a read!
This novel about a family trying to do their best for their transgender child could easily have been a preachy tear-jerker. Instead, the author has assembled a cast of very realistic, funny, flawed characters and set them in motion trying to help Claude/Poppy, a kid who is born the fifth boy in a family of brothers. But Claude soon announces that he doesn’t feel like he’s the same as his brothers. What follows is thought-provoking and challenging. A great book for book clubs.
A perfect book. I don’t know what else there is to say beyond that. Beautiful story, beautifully written, timely subject–all without being overly optimistic, or pessimistic, or preachy. It is, as those who’ve read it will understand–in the middle. Perfect, perfect, perfect.
A beautiful book with lovely characters, which takes you from Wisconsin to Seattle to Thailand. Great writing,
I loved this book! It was warm, witty, inspirational, funny and just a great read. Read it.
This is a book about a subject that we don’t see in print that often–what do parents do when their son comes to them at 3 years old and tells them he wants to be a girl when he grows up!
This Is How It Always Is was raw, real, brave, emotional, and beautiful all wrapped into one. I was immediately invested in this family from the very start and truly loved what each member brought to the story. I listened to the audiobook in just a few short days but the impact it had on my heart will last far longer. This is a story of fiction but was so honest. It opens your mind to just how much kindness, compassion, and understanding is something every human being needs from others. If you take away anything from my ramblings take away these three words… READ THIS BOOK (and if you listen to books I highly recommend getting this one on audio because the narration was perfect).
Here is a book that grabs your attention and holds it tightly. It touches on the very real idea that your child has been born in the wrong body and parents not knowing what to do. What is the right way to go with this idea? This is a book that when I was done reading I just wanted to think about it for the rest of the day, instead of going on to another book.
Minor spoilers here.
This book has plot contrivances that feel really contrived and not true to the characters. One such example: the parents do tons of research on how best to raise their trans/genderfluid child, but make no effort to reach out to other families with trans/genderfluid children. So none of their children feel that they have anyone they can safely talk to. This is because the plot hinges on the question of secrecy/not-secrecy, but it really doesn’t need to. It feels artificial.
On the other hand, this is about a family that unconditionally loves and accepts this trans child. They want what’s best for Poppy, and that’s the basis for all their decisions. Which is heartwarming, truly. It’s a very loving and affirming book, and I did enjoy it; I just found the plot hurdles unnecessary and frustrating. If you want to read a book about parents who love their child no matter what, I recommend it.
Poignant, beautiful novel about a family with a transgender child. Loved every second of it. Told with compassion, emotion, and beautiful writing.
This is a story that we all need to read. She takes the difficult topic of transgender children and shows how one family handles it with sensitivity and love.
A story that should be told, might help others.
A must read…for everyone. Truly incredible.
Everyone should read this book. Within the context of a beautifully told story comprised of complex, imperfect characters who are each trying their best, Frankel explores the nuances and difficulties and joys of being transgender and having a transgender child. For people who don’t understand or aren’t familiar with transgender issues, it’s so important to read stories like this to develop empathy.