#1 New York Times BestsellerOver 1 million copies soldIn this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger cuts through the crap to show us how to stop trying to be “positive” all the time so that we can truly become better, happier people.For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. “F**k positivity,” Mark Manson says. “Let’s be honest, shit … life. “F**k positivity,” Mark Manson says. “Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it.” In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected American society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.
Manson makes the argument, backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes, that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to stomach lemons better. Human beings are flawed and limited—“not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault.” Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties, once we stop running and avoiding and start confronting painful truths, we can begin to find the courage, perseverance, honesty, responsibility, curiosity, and forgiveness we seek.
There are only so many things we can give a f**k about so we need to figure out which ones really matter, Manson makes clear. While money is nice, caring about what you do with your life is better, because true wealth is about experience. A much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders-and-look-you-in-the-eye moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is a refreshing slap for a generation to help them lead contented, grounded lives.
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Chapter 8 is my favorite
Must read to keep your cool in this crazy world. The language may not be for everyone, but straight in the face and very relevant.
I loved the title and expected a clever and humorously written book with some refreshing insight. Instead I found a male adolescent’s dream full of expletives and same old, same old. Didn’t finishh
Manson explores the idea of why you cannot care about everything, but to make sure you care about the important things. Many people live their life being positive all the time. Manson breaks through this idea to show you that it’s not true. We are not happy or perfect all the time. No matter what social media would have you believe. This book is not for everyone. It will make some people uncomfortable and others pissed off. However, for those it does touch, it will come like a punch to the face and you’ll wish you had heard it earlier. I enjoyed this book immensely, but as I said, it’s not for everyone.
Language is horrible. I couldn’t even read it there was so much profanity and I am not even one who shys away from profanity, but wow.
Stupid
The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson. Mark Manson is a blogger who wrote this book in reaction to the problems he saw in the self-help industry, but he doesn’t have a background in psychology or any sort of related field. This book represents his opinion, and the ideas presented in the book aren’t based on any sort of research. In broad terms I tend to take issue with books that present opinions as fact without being based in actual evidence. There’s nothing wrong with an opinion, but I think it needs to be clearly delineated as such.
In some ways, some of the author’s philosophy is a rebrand of radical acceptance. He discusses the importance of non-superficial values, and while his approach isn’t necessarily my favourite the content is reasonable. He challenges modern society’s focus on materialism and more, more, more. He also disagrees with the focus on the pursuit of positivity, to point of of avoiding the rest of what reality throws at us. He repeatedly returns to the idea of entitlement as being a fundamental underlying problem, but there is a tinge of brattiness to his writing style that takes away from this message.
There were a number of ways in which this book fell short for me. One of the places where he lost me was the idea of “don’t try”. Trying for the sake of personal growth is very different from trying to keep up with the Joneses. Manson argues that “everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience”, and while this may sometimes be the case, I doubt the veracity of this as a broad generalization. There are some valid messages about things like values that get watered down by somewhat cavalier examples.
Manson criticizes the often-repeated “be happy” message, pointing out that “the desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience.” He adds that “accepting negative experience is a positive experience.” He explains that focusing on positive expectations actually ends up showing people how they have failed. Social media tends to trigger a “feedback loop from hell” that constantly reminds that others are doing better than we are, and we are inadequate.
Manson suggests that “to not give a fuck is to stare down life’s most terrifying and difficult challenges and still take action.” He adds that we should choose what matters based on person values, which I would certainly agree with, and challenges the social media-fuelled idea that average represents failure. The values-based metrics we choose determine what we perceive as success or failure. He advocates for interpreting pain as a call to action, and recognizing pain as an action that one strives for rather than having it dropped in one’s lap. He encourages acting even the absence of motivation, which is reminiscent of CBT concepts regarding behavioural activation.
Entitled people are presented as exuding a “delusional degree of self-confidence” and operating within a “narcissistic bubble”. This made me wonder, though, isn’t this just an extreme example of not giving a fuck? Manson explains that “The ticket to emotional health, like that to physical health, comes from eating your veggies – that is, accepting the bland and mundane truths of life…. This vegetable course will taste bad at first. Very bad. You will avoid accepting it… [But then] the knowledge and acceptance of your own mundane existence will actually free you to accomplish what you truly wish to accomplish.” I disagree with simple pleasures being presented as “bland and mundane” and something that is necessarily aversive at first.
The book touches on the idea of “victimhood chic”, with a lack of personal responsibility and the tendency to be easily offended and outraged by any perceived slight. Whether or not this is true, I think it minimizes those that are victims of abuse. I also disagreed with the author’s statement that “in the process of changing your values, you’ll feel like a failure and will experience rejection”, as I think there’s no reason why that should be true as a blanket statement.
Manson touches on what sounds like his own entitled, bratty past. I get the sense, though, that in the present tense he’s not necessarily someone I would want to spend a lot of time with. He explains that if his wife gets dolled up for a night out and he doesn’t like her fashion choices, he will come right out and tell her, “because honesty is more important to me than feeling good all the time”. In my mind, there is honest, and then there’s asshole, and the difference lies in consideration of the other person’s feelings. He states that “if two people are close are not able to hash out their differences openly and vocally, then the relationship is based on manipulation and misrepresentation, and it will slowly become toxic.” I’m not certain why he presumes to dictate how couples should communicate within their relationships, but personally I don’t think it’s appropriate to project one’s own views onto others in that manner.
This was definitely an interesting book; sometimes interesting in a good way, but other times in a bad way. I’d say it disappointed me compared to what my expectations were.
so boring, if i could give zero stars i would….the title brought me in. as they say, “never judge a book by its cover”.
A bit too preachy and self- help oriented but gives you some things to consider
The best self-help/care/growth/healing book I’ve ever read!
A reminder to stop taking life so seriously. People would be much nicer and happier
I think this book was written for this time and the idea of looking at your life backwards is amazing.
A different twist on ‘self help’
Witty take on a self-help book with a twist–somewhat opposite of “suck it up, buttercup”.
I found it nice to read the humor alongside some hard truths I’m still trying to digest.
Interesting.
I loved this book so much that I bought two paperback editions to give as gifts. sometimes we just need to be reminded to get off of our pitty pot and get on with our life, and FUCK everyone’s opinion! I am 78 years old, I just lost my husband, and everyone wants to tell me how to live the rest of my life. This book came at the perfect time for me. Thank you, Mark Manson!
A truely great book for overthinkers
Self help book. Gets the point across pretty well but using the title language quite freely,and repeatedly. (Sometimes humorously.) I wasn’t particularly offended but some might be. Good ideas about re-framing your own outlook in order to deal with life’s challenges. Honestly written using author’s personal experiences.
Love, love love. Fucking love this man and love his books.
Only 49 pages in, and it is already my newest favorite book!
Despite the title, a must read self-help book in terms of how to deal with the world and other people.