A candid memoir of denial, stolen identities, betrayal, faking it, and coming out.Do you know me?, the email began, sparking tremors of fear that turned into a full quake of panic when William Dameron discovered that his selfie had been stolen by strangers. On social networks and dating sites, his image and identity—a forty-year-old straight white male—had been used to hook countless women into … hook countless women into believing in lies of love and romance. Was it all an ironic cosmic joke? Almost a decade prior, William himself had been living a lie that had lasted for more than twenty years. His secret? He was a gay man, a fact he hid from his wife and two daughters for almost as long as he had hidden it from himself.
In this emotional and unflinchingly honest memoir of coming out of the closet late in life, owning up to the past, and facing the future, William Dameron confronts steroid addiction, the shame and homophobia of his childhood, the sledgehammer of secrets that slowly tore his marriage apart, and his love for a gay father of three that would once again challenge the boundaries of trust. At the true heart of The Lie is a universal story about turning self-doubt into self-acceptance and about pain, anger, and the long journey of both seeking and giving forgiveness.
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At once brutal and beautiful, William Dameron’s memoir unearths layers of secrets and decades of deception in startling, vivid prose. The Lie could not be more honest.
In his first memoir, William Dameron shares a little-understood experience in queer life: that of the closeted parent. Writing with uncommon grace and compassion, Dameron does more than describe the burdens of carrying “the lie”; he shows us how to live honestly and what it means to be human. This book is a beautiful and necessary read.
Raised in a conservative Catholic family, where the father has abdicated his role, William Dameron senses his sexual differences but suppresses those feelings. He goes on to marry and father two girls and remains very involved in their lives, those less so in the life of his wife. As he comes to term with his homosexuality, he writes honestly of the raw emotions he experiences, his doubts about leaving his daughters as his father left him. Once he does declare himself gay, Dameron write about how he has to deal with the detritus of his decades-long lies and how they affected him, his wife, and their two daughters. The story is deeply human, filled with truth and deception, old heartbreak and new love, self-loathing and self-acceptance, and struggles to maintain his relationships with his family. This book should open the eyes of those who doubt that homosexuality is inborn or a choice people make. Well worth reading.
Such an excellent read. He really maintains your interest as his wild story unfolds. Fascinating stuff!
A raw, honest memoir of a man coming to term with his sexuality. You feel his pain as a child, as a young man and husband, and later as a Father. Reading this as a Mother, my heart breaks for that young boy who wasn’t good enough in his own eyes. An eye-opening read for sure. The author doesn’t hold back, doesn’t make excuses. You feel his pain, also his families turmoil. We have come a long way, but there is still a long way to go. I hope this book helps anyone dealing with the pressure of pretending and helps them to accept and love themselves.
I expected more of a storyline about the cat fishing, especially since it was listed on the cover, but it was more of an after thought.
Thanks to NetGalley and Little A for this ARC. Opinion is mine alone.
William Dameron’s memoir is an unflinchingly honest and brave work that explores the secrets and lies of his lifetime as a married, closeted Southern man. But like all good books, it’s really about so much more. I dare anyone who reads it to not think of their own struggles to admit who we truly are at heart. In a way, The Lie is a coming-of-age story that reminds us it’s never too late to become our true selves.
You certainly should be excited about The Lie. This wise and generous memoir answers questions in living an examined life. Dameron has written his own confession as Saint Augustine did and has managed to make the telling of one man’s moral struggle include everybody. The writing is clear and true and evocative with a momentum that doesn’t frustrate or disappoint. The people are fully realized. It is a book that will help readers feel less lonely as they stumble toward their light.
This book explores William Dameron’s struggle to come out as gay—both to himself and his wife and children—and his attempt to wade through the wreckage created by his decades-long lie and find a clear path forward as a father, son, and husband once again. There are so many words I could use to describe this memoir (exquisite, heartbreaking, heartwarming, funny, inspiring, gorgeous, riveting), but none of them do it justice. Even if you can’t identify with Dameron’s exact struggle, his story is deeply human, and I felt it deep in my bones. It’s a story of love and heartbreak, betrayal and forgiveness, deception and truth, self-hatred and self-acceptance—and it’s a story that will resonate, on some level, with every person who reads it. There were so many stunning passages, but this is one of my favorites: “We are not the first generation of queer people who have found ourselves trapped in a straight marriage, but please God, let us be the last. In a world filled with hate and lies propagated by the Trump administration, living the truth is a form of resistance and persistence.” In sharing his truth with us, a truth he fought so hard with himself to bring into the light, William Dameron has given us all an immensely beautiful gift.
So many layers to unpack in this searing and emotional read. Dameron tells the story of a marriage and family based on the lie that he’d been living–that he was straight when, in truth, he’d known since adolescence that he was gay. I was so moved by the way he was able to tell his story–ultimately of how he betrayed himself and his family–with such compassion and honesty. It’s easy to imagine how a person could lay blame at the feet of others or take on a crushing burden of guilt. But somehow, Dameron draws readers into this story with tremendous care and openness, exposing the very human truth that we all tell lies to protect others, to protect ourselves. A very moving and universal exploration of marriage and love because love is love is love.