LIVE IN THE SADDLE. DIE ON THE HOG.
Such is the creed of the half-orcs dwelling in the Lot Lands. Sworn to hardened brotherhoods known as hoofs, these former slaves patrol their unforgiving country astride massive swine bred for war. They are all that stand between the decadent heart of noble Hispartha and marauding bands of full-blood orcs.
Jackal rides with the Grey Bastards, one of eight … Bastards, one of eight hoofs that have survived the harsh embrace of the Lots. Young, cunning and ambitious, he schemes to unseat the increasingly tyrannical founder of the Bastards, a plague-ridden warlord called the Claymaster. Supporting Jackal’s dangerous bid for leadership are Oats, a hulking mongrel with more orc than human blood, and Fetching, the only female rider in all the hoofs.
When the troubling appearance of a foreign sorcerer comes upon the heels of a faceless betrayal, Jackal’s plans are thrown into turmoil. He finds himself saddled with a captive elf girl whose very presence begins to unravel his alliances. With the anarchic blood rite of the Betrayer Moon close at hand, Jackal must decide where his loyalties truly lie, and carve out his place in a world that rewards only the vicious.
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This was such a fun story! If you’re a Lord of the Rings fan like I am, you’ll appreciate the familiar beings that abound throughout the storyline. If you’re a Sons of Anarchy fan like I am, you’ll appreciate the MC-type world-building created by this very talented author. Like most readers, I’m usually hard at work trying to figure how everything will play out. I came close here many times, but just as I started to commend myself the author took off in another completely entertaining direction I never guessed. Brutal, dark, and suspenseful but Fun! Fun! Fun!
It does not stop !!! Dirty, bloody, imaginative … great character driven epic of a book. Wow ! And War hogs ! Love it love it love it ! Just pre-ordered the next in the series.
Live in the saddle. Die on the hog. oink, oink Such is the motto of the Grey Bastards. What an incredible book. From the likeable characters to a well built world. The story was fast paced. Lots of action. The ending. That was a bit of a surprise. Really, really enjoyed this book.
The Grey Bastards is a shining example of SPFBO winner, and I’m reading through them to get all the best indie voices. This novel didn’t disappoint — the accolades are well deserved!
*** What to expect
A classic epic fantasy, starting small and building up to a grand finale, through many twists of betrayals, revelations, and battles. Following the adventures of Jackal, a half-orc warrior that together with his fellows is all that stands between the orcish invasion and the kindom of the humans.
Riding a hog (the animal, not the motorcycles — though I doubt that’s a coincidence), and dreaming of usurping power, Jackal’s schemes involve, alienate, and confuse his friends. In true epic fashion, what starts as local events and some general background is slowly revealed to be interconnected and immediately relevant.
*** What I liked
I loved the world building. There are definite inspirations from medieval Spain (a few names and terminology, shades of the history and the geography), mixed together with some Mad Max / Western constant riding and camaraderie for an interesting combination.
I loved the plot line, as French reveals the history and nature of the world and then chnages that as Jackal learns more, and it all becomes relevant.
*** What to be aware of
The book does contain rampant sexism. While one character is a particularly strong-willed female half-orc, there are barely any others. While a fantasy trope loosely based on (perceived) historical reality which is (thankfully) becoming less common in modern fantasy, this story is very much a testosterone-infused “band of brothers” type of adventure.
Also, don’t come here looking for deep character development arcs. While there are twisty revelations (some more obvious than others) and a bit of growth for Jackal, the focus of the story are the adventures and wars.
Lastly, while it may be a personal fetish, food and drink are conspicously absent from the story. The half-orcs must be able to survive on minimalistic unnamed rations, which is probably a blessing because one has to wonder about the lack of agricultural and economic supply chain to support them and their hogs.
*** Summary
It’s a great sword & sorcery type adventure. If you enjoyed anyting from Conan through Elric to their modern cohorts, this is a book for you.
—
Assaph Mehr, author of Murder In Absentia: A story of Togas, Daggers, and Magic – for lovers of Ancient Rome, Murder Mysteries, and Urban Fantasy.
Jackal is a Bastard, and proud of it.
One of several groups sworn to protect the hostile Lot Lands, these half-orcs patrol the area on their giant war hogs; fighting, carousing and generally behaving more like a gang than knights.
Orcs are often given short shrift in fantasy, portrayed as blood-thirsty savage creatures. Jackal and his cohorts, especially his two closest friends, while certainly capable of extreme violence are warm, mostly likable frequently funny. The bantering conversations between the three of them is a highlight.
Jackel, for all his qualities; strong, protective, loyal to his friends, is definitely flawed. Less an unreliable narrator and more of an unsophisticated one; he has a tendency to take everyone he meets on his pre-conceived notions and is frequently unwilling to listen to any opinion that contrasts with his own. Only when he is forced to by the actions (and the history) of others, does he reassess his thoughts.
The world building involved in this book is both fascinating and unexpected. The Bastards, and other groups of half-orcs, call themselves hoofs, and live by the creed of “Live in the saddle, die on the hog’; both by virtue of their war-hogs. These hogs are treated less like disposable mounts (a la many other fantasy novels involving horses) and more like beloved pets. The patterning of them after biker gangs seems almost inevitable.
Given the violence and language involved with this story, it’s not necessarily going to be for everyone. But if that won’t trouble you, I wholeheartedly recommend this book.
The Grey Bastards (The Lot Lands #1) by Jonathan French is a powerful, deeply moving, gritty, emotionally powered book that thrilled my every being! I felt I needed to shower off sweat, blood, hog hair, and grime when finished with this amazing book! It was the best book I have read in soooo long!
So rich in world building in every facet..just so detailed yet told without pointing out details, if that makes sense. The multiple species and the differences in their life habits and habitats.. WOW. Elven, Orcs, Half-Orcs, and Wizards, and of course humans. The story is about a group of Half-Orcs and their group called the Grey Bastards. The history of these, and all the fighting Half-Orcs, is so emotionally charged and thrilling…I wanted to get on a hog too!
After reading this book I tried to read several books and I couldn’t! I felt I was reading children’s books compared to The Grey Bastards. This book spoiled me! I tried a cozy mystery, a fun fantasy, and a few others and decided I shouldn’t read for a day or two and then read. I had to just let the story marinate in my head and then read something else. I am still thinking about the book a few days later. I finally picked up another book but nothing compares to this. I bought his other books now. I hope it lasts until book two comes out! I am addicted to his rich, gritty, wild but wonderful writing!
I requested this book and the review is voluntary. I received an arc copy of the new edition.
This book went to my favorite file in Goodreads!
I read the 1st version of this book. Live in the saddle. Die on the hog. oink, oink Such is the motto of the Grey Bastards. What an incredible book. From the likeable characters to a well built world. The story was fast paced. Lots of action. The ending. That was a bit of a surprise. Really, really enjoyed this book.
A fantasy take on Sons of Anarchy might seem an unlikely starting point for an excellent novel, but Jonathan French manages it with considerable aplomb. The ‘spot the influence’ game is fun for the first few chapters but soon fades away as the adventures of half-orc Jackal and his foul-mouthed, hog-riding hoof-mates become ever more absorbing. French’s clean, elegant prose works as a pleasing counterpoint to the obscenity-laden dialogue of his characters and even that retains a certain rhythmic cadence that makes all the sweariness almost poetic. The plotting is pacy and never dull, with twists and betrayals aplenty as the cast of mongrels face an ever more deadly struggle to defend the badlands they call home from their full-blood orc enemies. As full of tropes as any high fantasy you’re likely to find but instead of coming across as well-worn cliches, here the various demons, wizards, elves, and halflings are refashioned into something both vibrant and highly entertaining.
I read this book exactly a year ago. I wrote a review then, too. ‘Bout time I posted it…
Heard of The Grey Bastards (TGB)? Nope? Well, here’s a bullet-point review.
Don’t like frequent swearing? Don’t read this book.
Don’t like violence? Don’t read this book.
Don’t like books where nasty things happen? Don’t read this book.
Don’t like books with multiple characters? Don’t read this book.
Don’t like plots that twist and turn but somehow come out making sense? Don’t read this book.
Don’t like sex scenes and/ or sexual references? Don’t read this book.
Don’t like a sense of humour which ranges from clever to crude to banter to juvenile? Don’t read this book.
Don’t like magic? Don’t read this book.
Don’t like disturbing, skin-crawling (literally in some cases) events? Don’t read this book.
Don’t like orcs or whores or shaven-headed elves or mad centaurs or devious humans and power-crazed wizards? Don’t read this book.
Do like all this stuff? Go read this book.
Now for the wordy version…
The Grey Bastards is nice twist on the classic coming-of-age tale. In this case our protagonist is not a human but a half-orc. The book follows Jackal and his friends as they struggle to deal with the fate of their home and their ‘hoof’ against a multitude of enemies and, in some cases, friends.
The novel has plenty of twists and mashes up dark fantasy/ epic fantasy/ cowboy stories (cow-orcs?) and murder-mystery-suspense tropes. Friendships become enemies and enemies become allies. Those partnerships are made and broken seemingly from page to page. This, plus short chapters, makes for a fast-paced novel which is very easy to keep reading.
That pace, paradoxically, was one of the things that I found a little wearing at around the three-quarter mark. Ending each chapter on a cliff-hanger is a very effective way to keep people reading but I find it grates if used too much.
The other thing that niggled was the main character: Jackal. He’s nice. There were some utter reprobates amongst the ‘mongrels’, but Jackal and his friends are the half-orcish equivalent of whores with a heart of gold (who also crop up in this book). Jackal always strives to do the right thing and is always prepared to make the required sacrifice. I would have preferred him to be a bit more, well, orcish I guess. (Or human, depending on your view of humanity…) Jackal almost always gets the lucky escape, too – something else that I would have liked to vary a little more. Despite that, he is a solid main character and develops well, as evident by his role in his own fate.
My last mini-gripe would be to tone down the descriptions. Most of the prose is great and suits the book perfectly, but there are a few places where it felt forced.
I feel churlish pointing a lot of this stuff out as it is a very good book. Any fans of grimdark or dark fantasy will enjoy TGB. There are a lot of genre staples here dealt with in a refreshing way e.g. flipping the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ from human to orc, the centaurs, elves and wizards, etc. I particularly like the way the author manages the half-orc world: from the reason for the hoofs and their existence (that’s a great plot twist), their hierarchy and names, the hogs (I want one!), to their levels of orcishness: frailing/ half-orc/ thrice/ thick.
The other impressive feature is how it all comes together at the end. There are so many reversals of fortunes and loyalties and reasonings along the way, that I wondered at one point how the author would tie it all in. He does, and the book ends with a satisfying conclusion. It also leaves enough teasers dangling for book two – which has recently been released and looks as good as the first.
In conclusion, The Grey Bastards is well worth your time. But this recommendation comes with one final warning…
Don’t like the word c**t? DON’T READ THIS BOOK!
First, a disclaimer: I am generally not a fan of the fantasy genre. Every so often one sounds promising and I pick it up, only to be stopped cold around page 50 or so by overwritten world-building, underwritten characters, and a plot that is slow to develop. This is not such a book.
I read an excerpt and was immediately taken with the exquisite writing–not something I’ve found to be typical in my (admittedly limited) reading in the genre. The local library supplied a copy and I settled in, never daring to hope that I’d be doing anything other than yawning and rolling my eyes around three chapters in. I’d been down this road before with recent fantasy novels.
Wow, was I in for a shock! The story pulled me in literally from page one and tightened its grip for the remaining 431 pages. The characters are unique, fully developed, and memorable–and the author has a knack for choosing names that are perfectly suited to each, making them easy to keep straight. Backstory is unobtrusively interwoven throughout. The rugged and varied landscape also comes alive in French’s deft hands. Bonus: The book contains none of those annoying multiple-apostrophe’d location and character names that are typically either lacking or overburdened with vowels, thank you very much!
Jackal is a hero/anti-hero for the ages, one I was loathe to leave at the end of the book. I’ll be looking for the next adventure in this series, as Jackal and his fellow half-orcs, thrices, and assorted reprobates surely have many more enthralling tales to tell.
While I was impressed with the author’s talent for choosing exactly the right word or phrase or description throughout the book, I will warn that there IS a lot of swearing in the dialogue, as the title itself may have hinted. If you’re sensitive to that, this may not be your cup of tea. Otherwise, both fantasy aficionados and newbies alike will find much to love here.
“Live in the saddle, die on the hog.”
THE GREY BASTARDS have been on my list of things to review for quite some time but I’ve been distracted a lot from my reading due to a tidal wave of other good books. Still, I never lost my desire to read about half-orc calvary fighting against full-blooded orcs along the borderlands. The excellent art on its front intrigued me as well. Which goes to show you you can judge a book by its cover.
The premise. as mentioned, is half-orcs are the unloved former slaves of humanity who have been bequeathed the wretched badlands between their territory (Hispathia) and full-blooded orcs (called “thicks”). The half-orcs, who live in nomadic clans called hooves, take pride in their role as humanity’s defenders. Jackal is a prostitute-loving young warrior who kills a human nobleman at the start of the book and, after hooking up with a mute elf and a obese half-orc wizard, finds himself neck deep in a conspiracy against the crown.
Jackal is a great protagonist as he has qualities which are rare in fantasy heroes. Specifically, Jackal is easily fooled and aggressively ignorant. I don’t mean to say he’s drooling imbecile but he’s deeply unobservant and takes virtually every character by their word or his own cultural prejudices. Given orcs have a mythology that exalts them and looks down on everyone else, it means his worldview is both believable for him to have as well as incredibly skewed. He’s easily taken in by anyone who lies to him (and a lot of characters do).
This adds a level to the narrative as every scene is told from his perspective but the reader is often left to make their own judgements which may or may not disagree with Jackal’s own. As far as Jackal is concerned: humanity only exists because of the small orc clans on the border, half-orcs are all honorable warriors, women are to be dismissed (except for his closest friend), gods are for fools, halflings are the biggest fools of them all, elves are purity-obsessed psychopaths, magic is inferior to swordsmanship, and thicks are to be exterminated to the last. Needless to say, his views take a few lumps along the wall.
Part of what makes the Stark family entertaining protagonists in A Song of Ice and Fire is, they, too, are deeply conservative “honorable” warriors who were very often ignorant because of their worldview. Jackal’s worldview is a bit less noble, especially as he and his brothers are constantly spewing anachronistic curses and slang (particularly against women). The narrative doesn’t agree with Jackal or his fellows as they end up in a lot of trouble because of their beliefs.
Still, if the “c-word”, “f-word”, or “quim” bothers you then be forewarned. Rape is also implied and shown to be (off camera) how the vast majority of half-orcs are created. Local women may lie with half-orcs but regular orcs only propagate through war crimes. Half-orcs, themselves, are sterile and I think that was missed opportunity there. The Grey Bastards “hoof” is homophobic but not aggressively so as they’re more put-off by bisexual newcomer “Crafty” than angered.
Despite this, or perhaps in part because, The Grey Bastards is an intelligently-written fantasy drama about warrior cultures and their traditions. A lot of what Jackal believes is the product of his elders feeling them a line of hog-poo in order to make them proud of who they are as well as cover up past sins. When Jackal shows compassion to the women around him, very often he unwittingly condescends to them with his friend Fetch irritated by his actions more than pleased. Indeed, when Fetch backpedals on an action she took earlier in the book, I felt it was dishonest as I fully understood why she “betrayed” Jackal.
Jonathan French has created a very evocative world which I “believed” in. Part of what drew me to grimdark was the presentation of fantasy worlds which were ugly, grimy, and sweat-filled places where you could believe people lived. That certainly was the case in his setting and all of the nasty behavior on display made it feel like actual soldiers and warrior culture (with all the problems thereof) versus the theme park version where everyone is well-behaved. As one history teacher of mine put it, “Chivalry and honor were primarily covers for the fact knights were killers-for-hire.”
Are there places I think the book could have benefited from some revision? I think so. I would have loved the perspective of full-blooded orcs on their halfbreed offspring. Humans are complete garbage in this book so I’m not sure why the half-orcs feel defending them is worthwhile. I also found Fetch’s characterization a bit unbelievable and preferred her when she was actively hostile to Jackal rather than his secret supporter. Oh well, maybe next book.
In conclusion, I strongly recommend this book and while it’s presently out-of-print, it’ll be returning to in a few months. It’s definitely a book which earns its grimdark status, though, and is more The Hound and Bronn than Ser Barriston Semly. I’m very glad to have gotten a chance to read the original version and believe this is the kind of book which deserved to be re-released.
9/10
A novel by Jonathan French
You ask of Ul-wundulas? Yes, friend, I know of that wretched land, having only recently escaped from it. It lies in the west, north of Dhar’gest, the land of the orc, and south of Hispartha where dwells humankind. Thirty years ago Ul-wundulas was a battleground. There orc and human armies waged war the like of which I hope will never be again. Those armies stripped away the forest, destroyed almost all habitations and left behind a barren, arid and rocky land. With little to attract any folk, save marauding bands of orcs, Hispartha had the few bands of fighters living there draw lots for large parcels of land; thus Ul-wundulas became also known as The Lot lands. It was there I met Jackal, a soldier for the hoof known as “The Grey Bastards.” Oh, a “hoof” is a group of half-orc cavalrymen who ride enormous pigs that they call barbarians. Well, they fight any foe that threatens their Lot; orcs and centaurs mainly. There are several other hoofs besides The Grey Bastards, and they do help one another at times, but primarily it is every hoof against the world. I advise you not to go, but since you seem determined to venture into that vast, unhospitable madness try to find Jackal, he is a most resourceful guide. Find the Kiln, which is the fortress of The Grey Bastards, and there you should find Jackal. No, do not mention my name, and don’t tell him who recommended him as a guide. That will only make him suspicious and garner you a beating most likely. Fare thee well.
“The Grey Bastards” is a ripping yarn, filled with unforgettable characters and fueled by testosterone. Violence, humor, salacious language and sex make this an adult fantasy, the likes of which I have never encountered in a lifetime filled with books. It isn’t fine literature, and I am not going to feel the slightest shame when I say that I enjoyed it immensely. Furthermore, I recommend it very strongly to manly men and sexy women. Mark this one “For Mature Readers Only,” please!
My thanks to Penguin Random House for providing the Advance Galley on which I have based this review.
This has got to be the most phallic book that I’ve ever read!
So this is without question the filthiest fantasy book I’ve read, beating the former title holder The Grim Company by a factor of ten … possibly a hundred. – Mark Lawrence
With that said, I liked it despite it’s crudeness and brutal violence. I liked Jackal’s journey, Fetching’s secret, the hogs, and the deadly magic intertwined with the hoof’s origins. Personally I’m glad that I gave this book a chance. It is a good adventure fantasy book despite it’s obvious faults. But I’m not interested in the next book in the series.
An absolutely entertaining and realistic look on what may have been the beginning of our world and the beginning of what we know of TODAY. We do have what we would see as evolved “half- orcs” today, in our society today. Just look about you?
The Grey Bastards is a shining example of SPFBO winner, and I’m reading through them to get all the best indie voices. This novel didn’t disappoint — the accolades are well deserved!
*** What to expect
A classic epic fantasy, starting small and building up to a grand finale, through many twists of betrayals, revelations, and battles. Following the adventures of Jackal, a half-orc warrior that together with his fellows is all that stands between the orcish invasion and the kindom of the humans.
Riding a hog (the animal, not the motorcycles — though I doubt that’s a coincidence), and dreaming of usurping power, Jackal’s schemes involve, alienate, and confuse his friends. In true epic fashion, what starts as local events and some general background is slowly revealed to be interconnected and immediately relevant.
*** What I liked
I loved the world building. There are definite inspirations from medieval Spain (a few names and terminology, shades of the history and the geography), mixed together with some Mad Max / Western constant riding and camaraderie for an interesting combination.
I loved the plot line, as French reveals the history and nature of the world and then chnages that as Jackal learns more, and it all becomes relevant.
*** What to be aware of
The book does contain rampant sexism. While one character is a particularly strong-willed female half-orc, there are barely any others. While a fantasy trope loosely based on (perceived) historical reality which is (thankfully) becoming less common in modern fantasy, this story is very much a testosterone-infused “band of brothers” type of adventure.
Also, don’t come here looking for deep character development arcs. While there are twisty revelations (some more obvious than others) and a bit of growth for Jackal, the focus of the story are the adventures and wars.
Lastly, while it may be a personal fetish, food and drink are conspicously absent from the story. The half-orcs must be able to survive on minimalistic unnamed rations, which is probably a blessing because one has to wonder about the lack of agricultural and economic supply chain to support them and their hogs.
*** Summary
It’s a great sword & sorcery type adventure. If you enjoyed anyting from Conan through Elric to their modern cohorts, this is a book for you.
—
Assaph Mehr, author of Murder In Absentia: A story of Togas, Daggers, and Magic – for lovers of Ancient Rome, Murder Mysteries, and Urban Fantasy.
This book was a wonderful surprise. It started off alright, strong even, but I was annoyed by a few things. Mainly the characters at first with Jackal and Fetching, but by the end I loved them both as much as the other characters.
It’s about a group of half orcs who call themselves the Grey Bastards defending their barren homeland from regular orcs. There’s a human kingdom to the north, that has a few “outposts” in this barren land, so there are humans too. So, this band of half orcs, along with other groupings or “hooves” as they call themselves defend this human realm for the humans. That’s how it starts anyway, but it quickly changed with conspiracies, plagues, and a lot of tension.
Now in regards to the characters, we follow Jackal who wants to be in charge of his hoof one day. Initially, I saw Jackal as a bit selfish and controlling, but not in a huge overbearing way. He honestly believes he’s helping a situation when he’s basically making it worse.
And Fetching felt like a stereotypical “bad ass token girl.” She’s the only female in the male controlled world, and I love that she fought her way into the hoof on her own merits. The thing that bothered me though, and this is a tiny nitpick, is at first it felt like she was just thrown in so the book wasn’t entirely a sausage fest. But I was wrong.
There is an amazing moment about midway through that changed my perspective on both Fetching and Jackal that I loved. I won’t go into details to avoid spoilers, but holy crap the tension was drawn out perfectly, and by the end I was left speechless and so happy. Even though it’s a devastating moment for one of the characters.
Oats was also great. He’s the biggest and looks the meanest of the trio, but he has the softest heart, and undying loyalty.
The only real “complaints” I have are that I got Hoodwink and Hobnail mixed up now and then, and the book could have used a map. There’s a fair amount of travel Jackal does, and he explain where places and landmarks are in relation to each other, but a map would have helped visualize everything. The world building is great though. There are no giant expositions, or info dump that bogged down the story. Jackal gave important background on something, and then the story moved on. It flowed really well.
I am so excited for the sequel, True Bastards, and even more so because it’s focusing more on Fetching.
Takes the realm of Sword and sorcery in a whole different direction. Orcs on Hogs. Story told from an Orc gang point of view. Fantasy world based loosely on Sons of Anarchy television show.
This book takes cussing to a whole different level…. I LOVED IT!
Fot those who are fans of SOA, its a great takeoff. Even without the connection, its a decent storyline and well written.
What a fun ride! Part Biker gang, part middle earth, part spaghetti western rolled into one. Picked this because i wanted a fun read and it did not let me down. Can’t wait for the second book.