The memoir of a woman who leaves her faith and her marriage and sets out to navigate the terrifying, liberating terrain of a newly mapless world Born and raised in a tight-knit Orthodox Jewish family, Tova Mirvis committed herself to observing the rules and rituals prescribed by this way of life. After all, to observe was to be accepted and to be accepted was to be loved. She married a man from … She married a man from within the fold and quickly began a family.
But over the years, her doubts became noisier than her faith, and at age forty she could no longer breathe in what had become a suffocating existence. Even though it would mean the loss of her friends, her community, and possibly even her family, Tova decides to leave her husband and her faith. After years of trying to silence the voice inside her that said she did not agree, did not fit in, did not believe, she strikes out on her own to discover what she does believe and who she really is. This will mean forging a new way of life not just for herself, but for her children, who are struggling with what the divorce and her new status as “not Orthodox” mean for them.
This is a memoir about what it means to decide to heed your inner compass at long last. To free the part of yourself that has been suppressed, even if it means walking away from the only life you’ve ever known. Honest and courageous, Tova takes us through her first year outside her marriage and community as she learns to silence her fears and seek adventure on her own path to happiness.
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I loved the book. I read it in practically one sitting. Well written in a spare style. I liked the book arrangement. Not linear story telling, but more circular, the way one’s memory works, something happens and it reminds you of an even in the past. I found it interesting, effective and engaging. Certainly honest and insightful.
An absolutely coming of age story. The author was raised in an Orthodox Jewish home, and even though they considered themselves “modern” there were still all sorts of restrictions on women that the author ultimately could not justify. The book tells how she came to the realization that she had to leave her marriage and how hard it is to leave, not just a marriage, but a culture. Fabulous read.
I have been intrigued with Hasidic Jews lifestyle for a long time and have been fascinated by all the rules they must fallow to stay in the fold.
I also worked as a psychologist with schizophrenic Jews who were rejected by families because of their condition. The sadness and resentment my patients felt at being abandoned is indescribable. Many would stop taking medication exacerbated their problems in order to have or hoping for some family contact. Families didn’t want to have contact for fear of not been able to marrie of the rest of the children .
This is the first book I have read about being a Jewish Orthodox woman. Written about her own life, I found it very informative and interesting.
INTERESTING STORY OF A WOMAN MAKING LIFE CHANGES. WELL WRITTEN AND REALLY REVEALING. LEFT ME FEELING THAT SO MUCH FUNDAMENTAL RELIGIONS ARE CULTS.
Beautiful use of language.
I loved this book. I am fascinated by the Orthodox religion. I am just so curious to know how these women really feel. I feel like this book gave such insight. In 2019 this is hard to grasp.
I was interested to read Mirvis’ memoir and to learn more about Modern Orthodoxy. I honestly did not learn that much nor really understand why she left the religion. The explanation of being unhappy/not believing, well ok, but it did not come together for me. Why did she lose faith? Was It because of the role of women in Modern Orthodoxy. After reading this memoir I had more questions that answers, and found myself skimming ahead at the end, not all that interested in how it finally ended. While I admire what seemed courageous — leaving the fold — this just wasn’t my favorite book.
Wonderfully written book and very interesting to learn about modern orthodox jewish religion. How it all ended was inspirational to anyone who has gone through a process of searching for SELF.
I enjoyed the slice of a life I knew so little about. I could appreciate her rebellion. She loved her religion but couldn’t take the stifling rules which was interesting as she’d never known another way. Where did this feeling come from and seems to be coming through in her younger son also? The personal cost of leaving all you’ve known and finding how ingrained the traditions are when you decide to leave. I’m an eclectic reader and this might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I enjoyed it
I love a book that takes me into a world I don’t know in an honest and open way, and I enjoyed this one-probably more so because the author’s take on that world resonated with me, and I found her escape into a new life satisfying.
I started this book with great expectations. I have read all of Tova Mirvis’ novels and greatly enjoyed them. Alas, this book, a memoir was a disappointment. Ms Mirvis discusses her transition from a Traditionally Observant Orthodox Jew to becoming a secular one.
Her description on the effects of this transition on her children and family members are interesting. But there is no real depth in this book. The reasons she gives for making this decision doesn’t led to my understanding of what really drove her journey.
I kept on asking but why through out. I think the main reason for this is that I didn’t feel there was any real emotional depth, just description after description of events, etc.
Outstanding read about one woman’s year-long journey of separating herself from her husband and conservative Orthodox Jewish practice.
Very thought provoking.
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The author describes her life after leaving Orthodox Judaism. She is a very brave woman but is not afraid to share her fears and confusion after leaving a religion that was her life for 40 years. She makes you realize how difficult it is to commit yourself to your convictions but shows you that it’s possible!!
Revealing memoir about what life is like in the Orthodox Jewish community.
Extremely well-written book about the author’s journey away from Orthodox Judaism and the close-kit community she grew up in, married in and raised her children in.
I did not finish it. I got so tired of her whining – what do they think of me, was I wrong, etc. if you are going to do something, do it, then go forward with your life and accept the consequences.
I have read many of Ms. Mirvis’ novels In the past. They were sharp, wry and provided an insider’s view of the Orthodox Jewish community of Memphis. The author shifts gears in this compelling story of her struggle to depart from the rigidity of the Orthodox community—changing her life as she knew it and finding inner peace
and balance as she charts a new course.
Seriously, well worth the read and poignant.
Fascinating look at the orthodox Jewish community.