The Book

*deep breath* I wanted to like this book. I really did. Clearly, as Captain Picard indicates, it was not to be.

But before we get to the angry rant portion of today’s show, I’ll list the things that I liked about it.

1) It was free.
2) It encourages reading.
3) See number one.

That’s all I got. I consider it an accomplishment to have even finished this, considering how abysmally poorly it’s written, and how non-existent the plot and characterizations are.

I don’t even really know where to start, to be quite honest. There’s just so much wrong with this book. And it pains me to be so disappointed with it, not only because I had expected to really like it, but because when I nominated it, it kicked off a big discussion as to whether self-published books should even be permitted for group reads in the group, and I defended them as not all being poorly written garbage. But then this book set out to prove me wrong, and it succeeded.

On my Nook, this book is 234 pages long. I made 157 notes & highlights. It would have been more, but I swear that my Nook was having trouble keeping up, and by the end, I was tired of constantly stopping, so I let some pass. Every time I started to get drawn into the story, I’d hit a brick wall of terrible sentence construction, an odd or completely wrong word choice, or misspellings. It was incredibly frustrating.

Let me share some of my highlights with you all.

Pg. 11: “Holden paid the woman and stepped into the irrelevant rain.”

(No, the woman wasn’t a hooker – just a cab driver.) Apparently, the rain is irrelevant, which requires a special acknowledgement. Especially considering that every single time the weather is mentioned throughout the book, it’s either raining, or cloudy, or overcast, or gray… or “un-sunny”. Un-sunny was used TWICE. ON THE SAME PAGE. (This is apparently a habit of Clifford’s, to latch onto a word and use it repeatedly over several pages and then forget about it.)

Pg. 19: “There soon came a hollowness in his chest and Holden knew that none of what was happening would make sense until he could make sense of it all.”

You don’t say…

Pg. 31: “Through out the night Holden watched as the sun gently rose through the milky bay window in his living room[…]”

That’s one hell of a sunrise.

Pg. 48: “In what sort of deep horror did he now found himself swimming?”

O_o

Pg. 68: “Her dreams had only increased the buoyancy of the building stress. Any calmness she exhibited had come from her enthusiasm over the details of the Pratt family estate.”

Uhh… what?

Pg. 75: “Winston paused, unexpectedly emotional, and Marion stood to put an arm around him. Holden went to the closet off the kitchen, where he knew Winston kept his liquor, and returned with a bottle of twenty-year-old whiskey and three glasses.
‘That must have been hard for you.’
‘Yes, but not anymore,’ Winston replied, taking the glass with thanks and sipping from it happily. He knew they were confused by the glisten in his eyes. ‘I just miss my mother.'”

I’m confused by your whiplash emotions, too, Winston.

Pg. 80: “He turned the keys and dropped them into the grime-coated cup holder, reached for his duffle bag with satisfaction and closed the door to find Shane walking in a sprint toward his van, looking absurdly frightened.”

Walking… in a sprint. Oddly, all I can picture right now is Shane Prancercizing up to Holden’s van. Would that really be any less ridiculous than that sentence?

Pg. 82: “Holden felt a deepness of disparity.”

Really. What’s that like? Is it anything like despair?

Pg. 93: “[…]willfully engaging with an Unfortunate was like reasoning with an alley cat that wouldn’t cover its stool[…]”

I just… WHAT?

Pg. 147: “‘[…]Truth is you’ll never know. In your wildest dreams you could never understand the depth of it.’
Now, faced with the dark visage of inevitability, the simple pipe-fitter was poetic.”

And all this time, I thought I hated poetry.

Pg. 147: “Holden lowered himself to his daughter for the third time. She was shaking with dread.”

Probably not the best word choice there. Even in context, these two sentences were squicky. Especially coming immediately after the “depth” line. =\

Pg. 151: “Before long he would be a different person. He would be one of The Book’s foremost defenders. One of its abdicators, leading the cheering section for technology and convenience.”

Yeah. That was only a handful of highlights. There were so many more. So many incorrect word choices (“abdicator”, REALLY??) that I have become convinced that M. Clifford does not know, or care, what words actually mean. And considering the subject matter of this book, how it’s drilled into our minds that “a single word can change the world”… This is just unforgivable. This book is nothing more than a diatribe against editing. Editing is not evil. Editing for censorship is not the same as not fucking editing your manuscript.

And on that note, also, ebooks are not evil. ANY book can be edited and changed. As proved with THIS book. (Is this supposed to be a parody?) There’s a fucking addendum added to the end of what is supposed to be a paperbound book, which proves that the content even in those can be changed and redistributed. If a government is going to go to the lengths depicted here to control and censor book content, they’ll do it whether it’s printed or digital. The only reason it was digital only is because of the paper ban in favor of recycling.

And I don’t even want to get started on that. Actually, I do. There’s a false equivalency posited at the tail end of this book that someone who is pro-environment is also pro-censorship. That those who “reuse” a book, lend it to others, specifically, are “just as much to blame as those who would eventually destroy it”. Are you fucking kidding me? With as many errors as can be found in this book, this shit should never have even seen the light of day, but because any Tom, Dick, or Harry can pay a fee and publish their book, we now have a pseudo-intellectual telling us that REAL readers consume new books and ONLY new books. But, oh yes, it’s really a propaganda pamphlet (wink,wink – it’s META!) put out by underground advocates for freedom of thought, so we shouldn’t be overly critical of a couple errors here and there, right?

Fuck yes, we should. I’m going to share one last quote from this travesty before I carry on with my ranting in other directions. Here it is, from page 230: “As he studied the massive apparatus, he decided that what he was seeing was a single, manual printing press. They didn’t work by scanning or ink jets like The Book had told him. Each letter was chosen very carefully and by a person that loved each word they spelled.” I bolded that last part because OMFG ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW??! I can’t even. I fucking can’t.

Let’s move on before I start bleeding from my eyes. I want to talk about the characterizations… or lack thereof. These characters made no sense. I can’t even say that they were one-dimensional or flat, because that implies that they had a trait and stuck to it. Not so, these characters. (Maybe Moby, actually. But I’ll get to him in a sec.) These characters, and here I’m thinking primarily about Holden, Marion, and Winston, were contradictory from start to end.

Holden lays the pipe… for sprinklers, not Marion, though not for lack of her trying, and just about every sentence talks about how he’s just a simple guy… who happened to stumble onto a huge conspiracy and set about trying to do something about it. I have no idea why anyone would follow him (and apparently, neither do most of his followers), because he’s pretty much as exciting as wet cardboard that was originally used as a doghouse. I didn’t give a shit about him, I couldn’t have cared less that his beloved favorite book had been edited, because in my opinion, that would only have improved The Catcher in the Rye. (Ooooh, blasphemy!)

But apparently he’s “smart”. He’s the ONE. He’s got something that nobody else had and apparently is inspirational. His reactions are ridiculous, he’s completely predictable, and has less common sense than your average garden slug. Yet people follow him. I don’t get it.

Also, there’s Jane, Holden’s daughter, who’s a complete afterthought to the book AND her father. Apparently she’s supposed to be important to him, but I can count on one hand the number of times he thinks about her in the book, and probably have fingers left over. But, you know, Best Dad EVAR!! He’s #1!

Then there’s Marion the Librarian. Yes, really. Clifford likes rhyming too. Holden’s favorite people are Jane, and Shane (his best friend), and Marion the Librarian. I truly cannot even roll my eyes any harder.

Anyway, she’s a bartender at “The Library” (her family’s bar) and has got the hots for Holden (because apparently she’s into the whole wet-dog-cardboard thing). Her bar is wall-papered with pages from books, but Marion is not a reader, and only values the pages as a covering for her bar walls. When Holden confronts her about one of the pages, she brushes off the concept of the book/ebook being different, and couldn’t care less about it.

That is, until Holden learns that it might be dangerous should she go looking into the discrepancies. At which point he races back to find her frantically going through page by page and finding differences. OOOH DANGER! Now she’s a “terrorist” (which is apparently a convenient label for anyone who goes against the norm) and on the run, and apparently is a complete bookwhore now.

Then there’s Winston the wimp. He seeks out Holden to lay some pipe for him, and whoopsie-daisy, lets Holden discover that he has illegal books. He then goes on to educate Holden about the conspiracy to edit, and when Holden wants to do something about it, he says No! There’s nothing you CAN do… just let it go. And get off my lawn! (OK, I added that last part.) Actually, Winston has zero personality at all. Holden pretty much advertises the fact that he’s got books, along with Winston’s address, volunteers Winston’s house as a refugee camp, and starts moving people in without Winston’s approval… but does he say anything about it? Nope. Winston’s casa es su casa!

Finally, there’s Moby. He’s a whale. He’s a whale. He’s a whale. He’s a whale. In case you didn’t get the reference. He’s described as Polynesian and covered in tattoos, and he’s the only character in the book I actually remotely liked. He had more personality than anyone else in the book. So I found myself getting more and more pissed as every reference to him included a dig at his size. Whale-like. Huge. Enormous. And it was even more aggravating because not a single one of the off-hand sizeist comments were relevant in any way to the story, or the scene, or anything at all ever. But hey, he’s big, so he can take it!

Fuck this book.

Do n’t Read This Book. *deep breath* I wanted to like this ledger. I actually did. Clearly, as Captain Picard indicates, it was not to be.But before we get to the angry bombast fortune of today ‘s show, I ‘ll list the things that I liked about it.1 ) It was free.2 ) It encourages reading.3 ) See phone number one.That ‘s all I got. I consider it an skill to have even finished this, considering how terribly poorly it ‘s written, and how non-existent the plat and characterizations are.I do n’t even in truth know where to start, to be quite good. There ‘s just so much ill-timed with this reserve. And it pains me to be therefore defeated with it, not only because I had expected to actually like it, but because when I nominated it, it kicked off a big discussion as to whether self-published books should even be permitted for group reads in the group, and I defended them as not all being ill written drivel. But then this script set out to prove me wrong, and it succeeded.On my corner, this book is 234 pages retentive. I made 157 notes & highlights. It would have been more, but I swear that my Nook was having disturb keeping up, and by the end, I was tired of constantly stopping, so I let some legislate. every meter I started to get drawn into the story, I ‘d hit a brick wall of frightful conviction construction, an curious or completely wrong word choice, or misspellings. It was fabulously frustrating.Let me share some of my highlights with you all. ( No, the womanhood was n’t a hooker – just a cab driver. ) obviously, the rain is irrelevant, which requires a special acknowledgment. particularly considering that every single clock the weather is mentioned throughout the book, it ‘s either rain, or cloudy, or overcast, or grey … or “ un-sunny ”. Un-sunny was used TWICE. ON THE SAME PAGE. ( This is obviously a habit of Clifford ‘s, to latch onto a son and use it repeatedly over several pages and then forget about it. ) You do n’t say … That ‘s one hell of a sunrise.O_oUhh … what ? I ‘m jumble by your whip emotions, besides, Winston.Walking … in a sprint. queerly, all I can picture mighty now is Shane Prancercizing up to Holden ‘s avant-garde. Would that actually be any less absurd than that sentence ? in truth. What ‘s that like ? Is it anything like despair ? I fair … WHAT ? And all this time, I thought I hated poetry.Probably not the best word choice there. even in context, these two sentences were squicky. specially coming immediately after the “ depth ” production line. =\Yeah. That was only a handful of highlights. There were so many more. so many incorrect word choices ( “ abdicator ”, REALLY ? ? ) that I have become convinced that M. Clifford does not know, or wish, what words actually mean. And considering the subject matter of this book, how it ‘s drilled into our minds that “ a individual parole can change the populace ” … This is fair inexcusable. This book is nothing more than a fulmination against editing. Editing is not malefic. Editing for censoring is not the same as not fucking editing your manuscript.And on that note, besides, ebooks are not malefic. ANY book can be edited and changed. As test with THIS koran. ( Is thisto be a parody ? ) There ‘s a fuck addendum added to the end of what is supposed to be a paperbound script, which proves that the content even in those can be changed and redistributed. If a government is going to go to the lengths depicted here to control and censor script message, they ‘ll do it whether it ‘s printed or digital. The only reason it was digital only is because of the paper ban in privilege of recycling.And I do n’t even want to get started on that. actually, I do. There ‘s a faithlessly equivalency posited at the dock end of this koran that person who is pro-environment is besides pro-censorship. That those who “ recycle ” a reserve, lend it to others, specifically, are “ fair equally a lot to blame as those who would finally destroy it ”. Are you fucking kidding me ? With as many errors as can be found in this book, this bullshit should never have even seen the light of day, but because any Tom, Dick, or Harry can pay a tip and publish their book, we immediately have a pseudo-intellectual state us that REAL readers consume modern books and ONLY new books. But, oh yes, it’sa propaganda tract ( flash, wink – it ‘s META ! ) put out by clandestine advocates for exemption of thought, so we should n’t be excessively critical of a couple errors hera and there, right ? Fuck yes, we should. I ‘m going to share one end quote from this parody before I carry on with my rant in other directions. here it is, from page 230 : “ As he studied the massive apparatus, he decided that what he was seeing was a individual, manual print crusade. They did n’t work by scanning or ink jets like The Book had told him. ” I bolded that last part because OMFG ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW ? ? ! I ca n’t even. I fucking can’t.Let ‘s move on before I start bleeding from my eyes. I want to talk about the characterizations … or lack thence. These characters made no sense. I ca n’t flush say that they were linear or flat, because that implies that they had a trait and stick to it. not so, these characters. ( possibly Moby, actually. But I ‘ll get to him in a second. ) These characters, and here I ‘m thinking chiefly about Holden, Marion, and Winston, were confounding from start to end.Holden lays the pipe … for sprinklers, not Marion, though not for miss of her trying, and just about every sentence talks about how he ‘s just a bare guy … who happened to stumble onto a huge conspiracy and set about trying to do something about it. I have no estimate why anyone would follow him ( and obviously, neither do most of his followers ), because he ‘s reasonably much as exciting as wet cardboard that was primitively used as a kennel. I did n’t give a damn about him, I could n’t have cared less that his beloved favorite book had been edited, because in my impression, that would only have improved The Catcher in the Rye. ( Ooooh, blasphemy ! ) But obviously he ‘s “ smart ”. He ‘s the ONE. He ‘s got something that cipher else had and apparently is inspirational. His reactions are absurd, he ‘s completely predictable, and has less common sense than your average garden slug. Yet people follow him. I do n’t get it.Also, there ‘s Jane, Holden ‘s daughter, who ‘s a dispatch afterthought to the book AND her forefather. Apparently she ‘s supposed to be important to him, but I can count on one hand the count of times he thinks about her in the book, and probably have fingers left over. But, you know, Best Dad EVAR ! ! He ‘s # 1 ! then there ‘s Marion the Librarian. Yes, actually. Clifford likes rhyming besides. Holden ‘s favorite people are Jane, and Shane ( his best ally ), and Marion the Librarian. I in truth can not even roll my eyes any harder.Anyway, she ‘s a bartender at “ The Library ” ( her family ‘s measure ) and has got the hots for Holden ( because apparently she ‘s into the whole wet-dog-cardboard thing ). Her barricade is wall-papered with pages from books, but Marion is not a lector, and alone values the pages as a covering for her barricade walls. When Holden confronts her about one of the pages, she brushes off the concept of the book/ebook being different, and could n’t care less about it.That is, until Holden learns that it might be dangerous should she go looking into the discrepancies. At which point he races back to find her madly going through page by page and line up differences. OOOH DANGER ! now she ‘s a “ terrorist ” ( which is obviously a convenient label for anyone who goes against the norm ) and on the test, and obviously is a complete bookwhore now.Then there ‘s Winston the weakly interacting massive particle. He seeks out Holden to lay some pipe for him, and whoopsie-daisy, lets Holden discover that he has illegal books. He then goes on to educate Holden about the conspiracy to edit, and when Holden wants to do something about it, he says no ! There ‘s nothing you CAN do … fair let it go. And get off my lawn ! ( OK, I added that final part. ) actually, Winston has zero personality at all. Holden pretty much advertises the fact that he ‘s got books, along with Winston ‘s address, volunteers Winston ‘s sign of the zodiac as a refugee camp, and starts moving people in without Winston ‘s approval … but does he say anything about it ? Nope. Winston ‘s casa e su casa ! finally, there ‘s Moby. He ‘s a whale. He ‘s a whale. He ‘s a whale. He ‘s a whale. In case you did n’t get the address. He ‘s described as malayo-polynesian and covered in tattoo, and he ‘s the alone character in the book I actually remotely like. He had more personality than anyone else in the book. So I found myself getting more and more make as every address to him included a excavate at his size. Whale-like. Huge. Enormous. And it was evening more exacerbate because not a one one of the off-hand sizeist comments were relevant in any means to the story, or the scene, or anything at all ever. But hey, he ‘s adult, so he can take it ! Fuck this book.