Pirate DougWhat in the Chicken of the Sea was I thinking to agree to this half arsed Otherworld Defense Agency mission?I’m the most absurdly good looking Vampire Pirate of the High Seas. Being on the run for my life is very important work… and a freaking full time job. Defending Mermaids from some vicious Sea Hags is going to cut into my pilfering time.Unacceptable.Even though this is a very bad … time.
Unacceptable.
Even though this is a very bad move on my part, I know I’ll eventually agree—too many bounties on my arse to refuse, and the thought of a certain Mermaid makes my roger quite jolly.
However, Tallulah, the leader of the Mystical Isle Pod of Mermaids, isn’t going to be happy to see me… at all. The horrible, sexy, breathtaking woman has been starring in my dreams for too many years to count. Sadly, just when my mind wanders to the really good nookie part, the dream ends with her lopping my Johnson off.
I just hope to Hell and back that the Sea Hags have some outstanding booty to steal. If I’m going to have to regrow my tallywhacker, the treasure had better damned well be worth it.
Tallulah
Running a tourist trap for humans in the Bermuda Triangle had sounded like a fine plan—until it wasn’t. With the Sea Hags gunning for our island and ruining our questionably successful business, I did what any desperate Mermaid would do. I called for backup.
Of course, getting help from the Otherworld Defense Agency is risky as they don’t usually deal with ocean creatures. Whatever. Desperate times call for crappy measures. Chances are they’ll send freaking Pirates. I hate Pirates…
Well, I hate one Pirate in particular.
Hopefully, it won’t be the one seafaring jackhole I despise more than any other. Pirate Doug would be an idiot to show his face here after what he’d done. Not only did the dumbass abscond with our treasure, the son-of-a-bitch took my heart with him as well.
I’ll tear his sorry ass to shreds if he so much as steps even one hairy toe on my island.
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WTF did I just read??
I don’t know where to start with this book. I have so many issues with it that I know I am going to miss a few here. First, I could not take this book seriously, nor did I really enjoy it. The only reason I actually finished reading this book was because 1) it was short, 2) it was so bad that I couldn’t stop reading and 3) I needed to finish it for a reading challenge. The only reason I am giving it 1.5 stars is because the author did create a unique world and characters, I think she just went overboard with it.
Let’s start with vampire Pirate Doug. Doug was an extreme womanizer who never knows anyone’s name, he can’t even get his own mother’s name right. Not only is he a womanizer but he is so dumb. I think his stupidity was supposed to be funny but it just came across as annoying. One of my biggest issues with him though was that almost every word out of his mouth was off putting as a woman. So much that I don’t understand how anyone would find him attractive/ want to be his mate. He also had a lot of different names for his penis and they were all terrible, such as trouser snake, disco stick, and bologna pony!
Tallulah was just annoying. She hated Doug for using her then stealing her money but as soon as he shows his face she jumps him basically. I just envision these two having a HEA or even being in a relationship in the first place, which is probably the biggest problem with this weird story. If I can’t see the characters together or envision their HEA then it doesn’t work for me.
The setting for this book was also very confusing. They are all kinds of paranormal creatures in this world. I thought at first it was set back in the time of pirates, because of Pirate Doug, but then they are talking about Skype and other modern items. I was just confused and felt the world needed a lot more development. I believe this was supposed to be a funny paranormal romance but it did not come across that way for me. I am sure other people loved this book but I could not get past the bad characters and lack of development.
Overall I cannot recommend this book and I am leery of reading any other books by this author, which is disappointing because I know I have a few more of their books.
I did not care for this book because I couldn’t get past the bad language. A word here and there is one thing but for me this was just too much.