A new collection of case stories from “the Oliver Sacks of law.”In this follow-up to his acclaimed book, Four Seasons of Loneliness (winner of the 2017 Independent Publishers Gold Prize as the best book of the year in Psychology / Mental Health), social psychologist turned lawyer J. W. Freiberg continues to explore chronic loneliness, one of modern society’s most serious public health crises.In … public health crises.
In Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone, he again draws from his thirty-year legal career to present five unique tales. While Four Seasons of Loneliness studied the devastation caused by social isolation, here Freiberg explores the impact of faulty connections in failing relationships. But don’t expect to be lectured on the topic; you will find yourself reading a collection of deeply human stories. And that’s a good thing, because Freiberg is a master storyteller.
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I am a lawyer. I have known a lot of lawyers. They have not, as a general rule, been the most adept at maneuvering their way through the world of emotion… That’s not to say we, as a class, are heartless. We are no more or less so than any other category of humans. But I do think that, because of the nature of the work, we tend to be excellent at separating ourselves from emotion when necessary (and “when necessary” tends to translate to “often”).
If we could not, it would be very difficult to do what we do with the precision and clarity we need to. This is true for corporate lawyers as well as family lawyers, and all categories in between. To represent someone in what are often their most difficult moments (civil or criminal, professional or personal), we have to be able to look at all the angles – and if you are caught up in the emotional drama of the person’s situation, it can be difficult (if not impossible) to do that to the extent necessary to get the job done.
But distancing yourself from the emotional impact of what you’re doing does not, by any means, mean you are isolated from it. You ignore the human impact of your actions at your own (and your client’s) peril. And that’s where someone like Terry Freiberg becomes the most important lawyer I know of. This is the second book of his that I have read (definitely look up the first, Four Seasons of Loneliness, if you haven’t seen it – it is brilliant). It will not be the last (assuming he keeps writing them, of course!) because his words remind me why I have always been captivated by the law and why I believe, no matter how many lawyer jokes or horror stories I hear, that ours is a noble profession with the power to do great things. He reminds me that words like love and loneliness are entirely relevant to the practice of law, because they are entirely relevant to the practice of being human. In this second book, Freiberg once again uses case studies to remind us of this.
Through a series of stories of individual’s experiences with life and the law, Freiberg demonstrates how loneliness is at the heart of the isolation that is rendering modernity so scary for so many of us. The stories are interesting, lovely and heartwarming. They are also difficult to read at times, particularly if you find them and their theme so resonant, as I did. During the course of my read, we lost my dad to ALS, in the midst of a global pandemic that meant we were robbed not only of years with him, courtesy of the disease, but of many of the final months and weeks of him, because of quarantining. Having just lost my dad, I was indeed one of the eponymous people surrounded by others and yet so alone, and I was very nervous that the book would be too difficult to read as a result…
It was difficult. But it also helped. I only cried once during the read (an exceptional accomplishment in those days, when I pretty much cried every day). I won’t spoil the story by telling you why, only point out that it was Billy’s story that did it. The rest of the time I found the stories to deliver an element of hope on top of their thought provoking lessons. Freiberg has a marvelous ability to translate people’s lives and their struggles into readable tales that allow us to explore our hearts without feeling like we are being preached at. It is a gift, and one I hope he keeps sharing – I for one will read anything he produces. His books are unfailingly interesting, thoughtful, and important reminders of why we’re here and how we need to remember that none of us is alone in this world, even when it feels most like we are…
Thank you to the exceptionally talented Terry Freiberg for providing me with an obligation-free review copy – and for waiting so patiently for me to deal with my own issues and grief in order to prepare this long-overdue review!
Prescient Book!
While the author could not have planned it, this book could not have come out at a better time when most of us are suffering from some degree of loneliness and isolation because of the current pandemic. Luckily, for most of us, this walk on the lonely side will be only temporary, but I think it gives us a deeper appreciation for the stories the author has shared here. I have not read his other book on loneliness, though I do now find myself fascinated enough to perhaps do so. In this book, he shares case studies of clients who have suffered from subjective loneliness because of poor or non-existent ties to others. Each case study is fascinating and illuminates a different kind of disconnection and the varied ways that the human mind attempts to adapt to something that is truly against our nature, as we all are inherently social creatures. The author tells a story well, making for a surprisingly good read for what could be a dry or difficult subject. The people are real, their struggles are real, and their reactions and actions are very human. If you are feeling a little off due to self-isolation, as most of us are right now, this book could help you understand yourself better and encourage you to build better connections with those in your world.
I received a free copy of this book, but that did not affect my review.