This wasn’t supposed to happen.But it did.This wasn’t supposed to be my life.But it was.I was just a typical girl, living a typical life. Nothing was out of the ordinary until tragedy threw me into a turnstile I couldn’t see my way out of. That was, until him.I never could’ve imagined my heart falling the way it did. Hard, fast, and with unbounding beauty.The only problem?He was off limits.… beauty.
The only problem?
He was off limits.
Forbidden.
But he became my everything, and I became his, so we risked it all. It was only a matter of time until I realized that our risk came with unimaginable consequences.
My name is Camellia Hale and his is David Andrews, and this is our love story.
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I went in after reading my fave trope blurb,I was expecting forbidden/Tabboo sex and some desperate passion, but I was not prepared to get my heart clenched and emotions to flow through my eyes, but that is exactly what happened ! A poignant, sad/happy story hidden in a box labelled generalised trope. I read till late, couldn’t stop reading, couldn’t stop turning the pages.
; Just Kept Swimming ;
Let me start by saying I loved the story. It shoves a hand between your third and fourth rib and squeezes the organ behind and doesn’t let go !
Camellia Hale is a senior today, her Dad the swim coach and overbearing, overprotective , albeit overloving, indulgent Dad to her. She’s prepared to be a senior now, her whole life ahead of her and BAM !! her life, as she knows it, is gone. Let me repeat -Its G.O.N.E !!!!
She’s struggling to get off the floor now, scared to get off of her knees and look around her, cause the earth may have shifted from under her feat, the world hasn’t stopped turning, Sun hasn’t stopped shining, her friends haven’t stopped smiling & laughing, her boyfriend hasn’t stopped holding her hand.
I should start getting on with my life. But how can I? How do I put one foot in front of the other when I’m paralyzed? It hurts to cry, so I don’t. It hurts to smile, so I don’t. It hurts to pretend, so I hide. I’m vanishing.
She’s curling into herself , folding, hiding, disappearing.
My heart broke and wept for Cam all throughout.
Let me be clear here, this book is DEFINITELY about forbidden relationship BUT IT’S SO MUCH MORE !!
Don’t pick up solely for titillation and sex. If you wanna look behind depression, the causes & effects and it’s impact on the circle of family & friends around the ” victim” PICK.UP.THIS.BOOK!
I say victim because Cam & David are victims of Love. It breaks their lives apart, I say victim because the people struggling to get through their day, their vocation, their lives didnt want for this overwhelming, mind numbing depression. They fell victim to it’s suffocating tentacles as it envelops and chokes them. #MassiveTears here !
The turn of events brings her a new compatriot. A fellow mourners and since he’s older, maturer, they drift towards each other, with a whole new set of problems.
It’s so wrong
It’s so forbidden
It’s so sacrilegious
Yet it’s so natural !
This is wrong. But when the whole world is spitting its wrongs at me, what the hell is just one more? together all those wrongs created the most exquisite right.
I think the book is being touted at wrong platforms. The Forbidden/Tabboo tag has people scrambling to read it and then getting disappointed, cause it has massive triggers. And I Get It ! But it’s also inviting 2 or 3 stars.
EK writes powerfully and with lots of Ethos and Pathos. She does make credible characters and they appeal to all your emotions.
Only one peeve, the story towards the end didn’t have enough torturous pain….it flowed smoothly towards the end and there could’ve been David’s POV too, it’d have made the story more relatable.
Just my opinion.
4.5 ” Victims Of Love” Stars
5 + stars!!!!
One fateful night turns Camellia “Cam” Hales life upside down and it will never ever be the same. Cam grows up fast due this nightmare
Secret Lucidity will not be for everyone. This is a story of student/teacher “forbidden love”. I know there will be people that see this as wrong and for those that do, I say don’t read this book.
Secret Lucidity is a gut wrenching, heart breaking emotional book to read. I was thankful that Camellia “Cam” Hale had David Andrews because she sure didn’t have anyone else.
Cam has no way to deal with the stress and pain in her life. She started cutting herself. David, her swim teacher So, you obviously know by now that David is the teacher. Her swim coach.
I love Secret Lucidity. My heart was broken for Cam and David. This is a really great book to read. It kept my attention. There certainly are mean kids in the world. It is a shame that kids have to worry about bully’s.
The good news is there is a happy ending but, it takes a while for that to happen and there is so much that happens to Cam in between the beginning and the ending of Secret Lucidity. I LOVE THIS BOOK!
SECRET LUCIDITY by E.K. Blair is a stand alone, YA/NA forbidden romance story line focusing on the taboo relationship between seventeen-year old Camellia ‘Cam’ Hale, and thirty-one year old high school English Lit. teacher/swimming coach David Andrews.
Told from first person point of view (Camellia) with a closing chapter by David SECRET LUCIDITY follows the taboo relationship between thirty-one year old high school English Lit teacher and swimming coach David Andrews, and seventeen-year old Camellia ‘Cam’ Hale. Rising swim star Cam Hale had everything until the day she lost it all to a drunk driver that destroyed her sense of well-being and took the life of her beloved father. Unable to handle the grief of loss, and the harrowing aftermath of whispered pity and self-loathing, Cam struggles to find her place in a world turned upside down leaving her to battle her demons alone. The one bright spot in her life, swimming, no longer harbors the appeal until new swim coach and English Lit teacher David Andrews becomes her beacon in the storm. What ensues is the forbidden romance between David and Cam, and the fall out when their relationship is discovered.
The relationship between David and Cam is slow to build as both struggle with their growing attraction to one another; the taboo of the student/teacher romance; and the potential fall-out if and when their affair is discovered. The $ex scenes are intimate and passionate, without the use of over the top, sexually graphic language and text.
The mandatory YA story line characters are present: the adult figure in our heroine’s life is a mess; a lost cause, self-absorbed and without the capacity to parent. The requisite mean girls are alive and well; the best friend is caught between hatred and support; the one-time boyfriend is a lost puppy who is unable to let go of the girl he loves.
The dictionary defines lucidity as ‘clearness of thought’: a presumed capacity to perceive the truth directly and instantaneously, and with that in mind, perception is real when rumors begin to circulate. Our couple are well aware of the likelihood that if caught their lives and futures could be destroyed. Staying away from one another is a continuous battle, a battle they will lose in the end. Love and the heart know no boundaries including the taboo of a student/teacher relationship that will eventually damage and dismantle all thoughts of a happily ever after. The heartbreaking premise will captivate your attention; the characters are shattered and lost; the romance struggles in the face of the forbidden and the law. SECRET LUCIDITY is an emotional and powerful look at two people caught in a firestorm of controversy, disapproval and the taboo.
Before I started this amazing book, I read an open letter from the author. Her talent is beyond words. She has captured my heart and stolen my breath. So when I read her letter saying she had to do this on her own, it actually hurt my heart. I was so amazed by her talent I couldn’t understand why…But I get it now. I understand why but it doesn’t mean I agree.
You see, this book is a student teacher romance. It’s about two broken souls finding THE ONE that makes them whole. It’s messy, complicated, and complex. It’s life- in its horror, it’s passion, and it’s fragility.
Some of you will judge both book and author.
Some of you will be uncomfortable.
Some of you will write it off.
But…
Some of you will see the beauty in an unappealing situation. You will see a spark, a hope where there was none. You may not be blind to societal concerns and they may even affect you but you won’t be stuck on a number, it will be the unconditional love carrying you through. Unconditional Love.
I spent the better part of my afternoon shoving my reactions in the author’s inbox. I had to vent, to cry, and to sob. Yes, I actually started sobbing. It was cathartic in such an odd way. I have never been in the particular situation that David and Cam find themselves. It doesn’t take much though to relate…To relate to loss, abandonment, insecurity, and overwhelming grief.
Cam could be any one person searching for their own David to keep from drowning. If only every one is that lucky…
Now for all the haters that read this and label me…bring it on. I have plenty of fight and I’m not afraid to say my piece. If you want a life lesson, I’m more than happy to share.
For the rest, I hope you truly enjoy the controversial, but no less valid love in these pages.
reviewed for Sweet Spot Sisterhood
I was intrigued by the forbidden part of this love story, Teacher/student.
It’s not as scandalous as you would think pretty tame if you ask me. The emotional roller coaster happens after the tragedy.
You feel so much for her, the pain she was in and there was barely any sympathy, love or comfort especially from her mother or bestie. I thought the two of them absolutely sucked. Feeling so alone and lost this is what makes her gravitate towards David/teacher she feels he’s the only one that understands her.
I felt because this is a forbidden romance it should have gone further than it did, I thought it was quite tame compared to others I have read.
* ARC PROVIDED BY THE AUTHOR FOR AN HONEST REVIEW *
Have you ever gotten this feeling the first time you lays eyes a new book, it’s that exact moment you know down to your very soul and bone marrow that it’s going to destroy you? If you have, then I feel for you and I’m ecstatic for you. If not, then it’s time to feel that. It may sound insane what I’m telling you right now, but the way I see it, you have to hurt so you can deeply feel. And to quote the almighty Blair as she says in this book, “you have to be unafraid to die in order to love”.
From the very first moment I saw the cover & then read the blurb, I knew that Blair would butcher my heart once again and I would be left a welling on the floor. And I may have succeeded to keep the latter in check, for the most part, I was unable though to escape the first entirely. Besides, I never can when it comes to this author. Proof how I ended up after reading the Crave Duet. She is one of those who tear me completely apart, bulldozing through my organs and putting me back together even stronger. And it’s not by chance that one of my biggest, most intense and shutting-down reactions I ever had in my reader life was caused by her pen. The craziest, and most definitely masochistic, part though is that no matter how many times I break from it, I always come back for more. No matter if her story will make me step on my hard limits or includes soul-crushing amounts of pain in it, I find myself unable to walk away from it. See, masochistic?
This time, I may not have shut down, but the pain and all the various powerful have-no-name emotions I felt during the read were definitely something that left a scar. I have no idea from where should I begin with this story. It opened so many roads for me to follow for my review, each with its own special light to shed on it. Also, so many things happen in it that I would go forever discussing them and never find their end. It’s really frustrating when you have to store so many feelings, thoughts and, most of all, so much Love for a story that touched you soul-deep and affected you in a huge way into a few paragraphs without them turning into a book themselves. And Secret Lucidity surely falls under that category.
One of the events that haunted me for the whole book was the event that started it all; Cam’s accident that caused her life to spiral out of control. I can’t even come close to imagine the pain someone, especially a teenager. experiences after losing a parent. It’s a scar that never closes no matter what you do and there’s almost never the right or wrong way to deal with it. I had to stop my brain a few times from trying to imagine how would that feel if I was in Cam’s place. But, just like everything in life, is all about the perspective you choose to see it from. So, also this accident has multiple ways to see it from. And Cam goes through every one of them with a strength and a determination that it’s truly remarkable. The way she changes because of it is a sight that I felt proud witnessing, as crazy as it sounds. Camellia Hale undoubtedly more than earned the characteristics of the “strong female”, “dynamic heroine” and “perfect book girlfriend”.
WOW!! I am left speechless after reading Secret Lucidity. I knew going in that this book would be one that I loved because E.K. Blair wrote it and I wasn’t wrong at all.
I will say this though, without giving too much away, this book might not be for everyone. You must love the forbidden love story that has a taboo aspect to it. This storyline might make some people uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure how I would feel when I started this story but it was written so well that I couldn’t help but feel the love that David and Cam had for each other.
Besides the taboo aspect in the storyline E.K. does touch one some serious subjects in this book. I loved how she didn’t sugar coat anything. She did her research and gave us the true feelings of what happens with people who suffer from these things. Just know going into the story that it is going to be heart wrenching and very emotional and you will feel like your heart is on a roller coaster ride but know in the end you will be left with a huge smile on your face and warmth in your heart.
In this story we follow Camellia Hale and David Andrews. Cam has just finished her junior year of high school and she has everything she could hope for going into her Senior year. That is until tragedy strikes and her world is turned upside down. No her life is a life that no one would want. That is until her swim coach/English lit teacher, David Andrews, offers her the comfort she so desperately wants and needs. They have a love story unlike any I have ever read before. Can these two find the happiness and love they both desire?? Read this story to find out.
This story isn’t like your normal student/teacher book that we’ve all read before. It was so much more than that. The direction the author takes and depth of the storyline is what will keep you turning the pages. I was instantly sucked into this story as soon as I started it. I hated having to put it down. This story was so perfectly executed that you couldn’t help but feel everything the characters felt. I just wanted to jump into this story and give Cam a hug so many times.
Secret Lucidity is E.K.Blair’s latest standalone novel and is told primarily in Cam’s POV. This book doesn’t have to be read in conjunction with any other of her books. This is a book I would 100% recommend. This is one for my Best of 2018 list.
So if you are a fan of the teacher/student forbidden romance and want one that is different from any other out there, then you need to read this book!!!
I used everything around me to wipe up my tears and snot. My eyes were leaking while reading the first chapters of the book.
Secret Lucidity is the perfect forbidden romance between a teacher and a high school senior, and I instantly fell in love with the characters.
Camellia is mature and intelligent. After a tragic event, she’s forced to grow up and make adult decisions. David Andrews is her swim coach and English teacher. He is also Cam’s shoulder to cry on.
The two can’t fight the attraction, and their chemistry is explosive.
The ending was a bit predictable but it completed the story perfectly. I loved this book, and I highly recommend this to all romance lovers!
“The panging of wrong over right—or is it right over wrong?”
Such a lovely phrase for a title, “Secret Lucidity”. As I read this roiling emotional story of devastation, emotional survival, finding something beautiful, worthwhile, lasting and tangible in the ashes of devastation in a young woman’s life damaged irrevocably by loss, I ponder the meaning behind the author’s chosen title.
Owing to the author’s considerable skill, we begin the story knowing something is going to upset the world of Camellia (Cam) Hale but it shocks us to the core the extent of this young woman’s loss. We also know that her love will be David Andrews, her swim team coach, but the reader is settled by David’s decency in first resisting their forbidden mutual attraction and then his giving in to the their mutual feelings in offering Cam his physical and emotional love. It never seems wrong to the reader. It feels mutual and so very right.
I love the expressions used in the narrative giving depth to the emotions of Cam who narrates the story. Using phrases like “My blood and bone” and “Swim in his marrow of his bones.” stir the heart and soul. After all it is in the marrow where each new blood cell is born. As you read, you will appreciate the genius of the metaphors and careful word choice that give this read real weight.
I especially appreciate how unpretty emotionally and realistic Cam is written to be. Anyone who has felt the grief of losing a treasured parent to whom you have bonded yourself can understand her…her unreasonableness, her sullenness, her brokenness, her neediness, her detachment and at times her disassociation.
Grieving like this takes years. You and your world are never the same. It hits you hard as an adult of 40 or 50. I can only imagine the effect of grief on a blossoming young woman. Anyone can appreciate that a man who has felt a similar darkness can find for himself some understanding and can offer understanding to this blossoming woman who has loss the innocence that everything in life is wonderfully possible that young men and women untouched by tragedy often feel. She not only lost the one parent but she lost the other to addiction. She herself fell into a shameful seldom understood addictive practice to let the pain out of her body.
Although she returns to capture some former glory in her swimming and keeps her scholastic achievements in tact, she is barely keeping it together. Her boyfriend cannot understand the changes in her. Her friends cannot understand her. She also must endure the insensitive taunts of a catty tormentor.
As much as the both try to keep their relationship appropriate, the gravitational pull of attraction and love is too overpowering. She has truly fallen in love with her coach, David, as he has with her.
Cam’s first time making love with David as described in the narrative makes the reader fall senseless for the heat of their shared ardor. We are lulled as readers in the passion and the feeling of rightness in their forbidden romance and relationship until a snarky, jealous,troublemaking little girl causes the public shame and humiliation branding David a child molester and Cam a rape victim.
The whole situation seems everything but “lucid” or “clear”. I think dear readers what this gifted writer is saying through her characters that no matter how dismal a situation appears or how vitriolic the public condemnations are…the “Secret lucidity” is inside of you and this clarity is the truth. Holding on to truth will keep you strong. Truth is all about your love. Your love often requires sacrifice and this is how you see your way clear. Your love is your clarity…your “Secret Lucidity”
http://www.behindcloseddoorsbookreview.com/hidden-agenda-review/
I struggled most of the way through this one. The story is extremely emotional and Cam’s grief is absolutely heart-breaking. I found myself in tears or near tears so many times and parts were so hard to read that I had to set the book aside and come back. But, come back, I did because I had to know that this broken girl came out the other side of the many miseries she had to face. The romance side of this did bother me with the ages of those involved. I enjoy a good taboo romance, even a teacher/student romance, when everyone involved is a consenting adult, but that wasn’t the case here. It was obvious to me where the conclusion was headed, but that part still left a bitter taste in my mouth. So, for me, I didn’t finish the book for the romance, but for the hope of seeing Cam able to stand strong and live life again. That, in itself, is a beautiful story. There are several triggers in this one, but I would have no problem recommending this one to anyone who is okay with the forbidden elements of the romance.
EPIC. UNPUTDOWNABLE Emotional Novel!
So many words to describe Secret Lucidity by EK Blair and yet I can’t find a place to start. This story had me in tears by 8% and kept me at an emotional wreck throughout the book. EK Blair is one heck of a writer and hands down, this book is by far one of my favorites!
EK Blair pulls you under with her magically crafted talent of words that draw you in to her forbidden taboo world of teacher/coach vs. student. Her writing is sound, flawless, and well done. Yes, it’s taboo but it’s woven perfectly; enticing you from the beginning to the end. She had me spellbound from the accident, to the struggles of Cam and to the whirlwind romance with David.
“It hurts to cry, so I don’t. It hurts to smile, so I don’t. It hurts to pretend, so I hide.
I’m vanishing.”
Cam had the perfect life: the All-Star swimmer under advisement of her father, the head swimming coach, a popular girl going into her senior year with a boyfriend and multiple friends. All of this comes crashing down with a drunk driver on the last day of her Junior year. Her life spins out of control and everything she ever wanted is wasted away. To help her pick up the pieces is the new head coach, David Andrews. He understands her, hears her, sees her, unlike her friends.
“…we are nothing more than broken hearts desperate for healing.”
Secret Lucidity is full of heart, rawness, emotional turmoil and finding ones place in a time of grief and sadness. My torn heart. EK Blair shredded it and pieced it back together o’ so slowly. You ultimately feel every emotion in which Cam goes through and all I wanted to do was give her a massive hug. I felt the sorrow, the heartache she feels and the ways she deals with her sadness. I wanted to sit next to her, to be the shoulder for her to cry on.
I can’t stress this enough, but this book needs to be on everyone’s TBR list, on everyone’s kindle. Do not let this book pass you by!
Warning: there are triggers that some readers might have a hard time consuming. Even so, EK Blair writes beautifully on these balanced topics.
5 EPIC Stars
**Review by Allyson, Late Night Reviewer for Up All Night w/ Books**
Be ready for an emotional ride with this book. And I expect no less from EK Blair. She is so masterful at writing pain and forbidden romance.
Your heart will break for Cam. She has it all. Finishing up her junior year of high school and getting ready for a fun filled summer before heading into her senior year. And with the blink of an eye, tragedy strikes and her whole world is turned upside down. Her whole life becomes more than she can handle and her support network fades away.
Honestly, my heart actually physically hurt for her.
I felt like I WAS Cam. Her POV in this book is so clear that it felt like my life was falling apart.
She finds comfort in a place that is deemed socially unacceptable after she loses everyone. I felt like the build up of her relationship with David was realistic and interesting to watch.
I was definitely on edge because with this book, you are cruising along, just waiting for the rug to pulled out from under you. And you know it’s going to be painful and you just hope that it ends up being okay. When the story is said and done, I felt like it was beautifully told despite all the sadness to get there.