Ryan’s Bed

Some books are like coming home – and some books change your life.
Ryan´s Bed by the incredibly talented and outstanding author Tijan is a full length stand alone YA novel.
Meet Mackenzie Malcolm. Her family is new in town and her and her siblings are settling in when a unbearable tragedy strikes them.
Mackenzie is not broken, she´s shattered in a million pieces. Everything feels wrong, except Ryan. He quiets the storm within her.
Ryan is a senior at highschool, just like Mackenzie. He´s the sports star at school. And he´s the only one who understands her.
Let me tell you, this book gutted me to the core, turned me upside down, broke me and then put me back together. I read it in one sitting, finished it; and it stubbornly stays with me. I can´t get the story out of my head.
Tijan is a incredibly author. I want to climb inside her mind and live there. First she had me hooked with Mason and Sam in the Fallon Crest Series. These two will have a place in my heart for forever. And now there´s Mackenzie too.
Ryan´s Bed is the heartwrenchingly story of loss, love, depression and healing. I highly, HIGHLY recommend Ryan´s Bed and wish I could give more than 5 stars !
Favorite Quote: ” I love you, and I love you for loving me. “

You can NEVER go wrong with a Tijan book.

Ryan’s Bed was so good that I finished it in one day. I’ve never read a book more relatable. This book invoked so many emotions from me. Mac’s story, especially the ending, is thought provoking and engaging. The plot twist at the end was a surprise. Tijan wrote this so well and put so much care into the storyline. She was considerate of how she chose to write about the main topic and did an excellent job at portraying the emotions surrounding it.

MacKenzie is drowning in grief. Her family just moved to a new state for her father’s job when her twin commits suicide and Mackenzie discovers her body. Suicides leave so many unanswered questions and such monumental pain under normal circumstances but a twin is already an exceptional loss. Her family is fractured in their grief and MacKenzie has no other support system, except for Ryan.

He’s a complete stranger when she accidentally finds her way into his bed but he’s experienced loss and does what he can to support her. They’re instant friends who bond over their mutual suffering. I expected this to take a codependent turn and turn into a toxic relationship or at least one perceived that way by the adults, but they had a healthy relationship and Ryan was her rock when nobody else in her life cared enough to bother.

She’s devastated and lost, seeing her twin and speaking to her. MacKenzie fears she’s losing her mind but also worries Willow is truly there. Nothing makes sense and she has no idea what to hope for because life is bleak. The few friends she had have abandoned her and she’s being bullied at school as her home life steadily deteriorates. Ryan has his own problems and pressure but he’s exactly what she needs. He’s sweet and caring and concerned, taking care of her when she can’t take care of herself. Their friendship evolves into more, a love that’s beautiful and inspiring but this isn’t a typical romance.

MacKenzie is struggling to fix her life, her family and herself but there’s a lot of work to do and it’s not going to be easy. Falling in love certainly helps her survive this devastation but it doesn’t solve her problems and even creates some new ones. I loved everything about these characters and their relationship. Makenzie’s life is heartbreaking and this is a very emotional story so I was worried it would get even darker but nothing prepared me for the ending. In some ways this was a cliffhanger but in others HEA, because you don’t always get an ideal ending, sometimes you get one that’s not the worst and need to appreciate it.

That said, it ended better than I expected at some points but those final lines chilled me. The author has said she ended it that way in the hopes we’d read it again and see the story in a different light, but I need to recover a bit before I’ll be ready to tackle this one again. I will read it again though because this is a compelling story that’s a little too realistic for comfort but it’s beautiful and poignant.

• •

: Ryan’s Bed
: Tijan
: 5/5

Ryan’s Bed is such a special book in my opinion. It is such a beautiful and special story and there isn’t anything like this book. This book is really emotional (when I say all the feels, I mean ALL the feels) and had me captivated from the first page. Please be aware that this book deals with suicide, that said, it does not glorify anything about it. This is the only thing I will say since I think it is an important trigger warning. That said, I feel like I cannot say much about the story, since I think everyone should go in blind and be captivated by this book. I loved the pacing and how the relationship between Mackenzie and Ryan evolves in the book. The character development overall is amazing as well. That last plot twist had me shocked, I did not see that one coming. However, I think it works beautifully for the story and it made this read even more special. Overall, his is such a powerful and memorable read, recommending it to everyone!!

A lot of my reviews are also available with photo at my Bookstagram: @justmyfantasyworld

I want to take this opportunity to thank Tijan for this beautifully written, realistic, and poignant story. As a survivor of suicide (my oldest brother committed suicide three and a half years ago) I would read and think things like, “I remember needing that…” “I feel like that sometimes….” “….my family suffered like that…” etc. Tijan touched on so many of the feelings, the questions, the insecurities, the strength you feel while trying to live for another/others- really Tijan touched on just about everything. Even the ending surprised me, but only for the fact that my situation was a lot the same. I have struggled with suicidal ideations for years, was even hospitalized once as a teen because of them. But I never suspected that my brother was suicidal and I experienced much of the same guilt that Mackenzie did. Tijan so masterfully and delicately portrayed Mackenzie’s story. Tijan, sincere and heartfelt thanks for being an advocate for suicide survivors and for sharing your talent to broach a serious, sometimes very stigmatized, subject. I am so grateful that you stayed with this project, finished it, and so lovingly shared it. I really felt like this book could have been written just for me, and the story of Ryan and Mackenzie’s romance was a bonus. Much love.

Made me cry and deep think it was my first Tijan read and haven’t stopped since!

This is by far my favorite Tijan book of all time- which is saying a lot, I’m a hardcore Tijan groupie. While Ryan’s Bed has that normal teenage angsty vibe that I love about all her books- this one, to me, feels far more emotionally engaging, more provocative, and more nuanced- there just seemed to be so much more depth.

This story follows the journey of our heroine Mackenzie – her life has been ripped apart after the suicide of her twin sister. Not only is her family in a new place and her day to day doesn’t look the same, but she’s also missing this half of herself- the other part of her heart- her twin.. She’s grieving and struggling- prior, she already struggled to feel like she fit, struggled to know who she was- and now that she’s missing this piece of herself, she’s even more lost. As if by fate, she starts to find a tentative and comfortable friendship with Ryan- she meets him at her father’s company picnic in their new town. No one knows much about Mackenzie other than her sister died- they don’t know the full story, and Mackenzie isn’t talking to anyone about it. Her family is falling apart- she sees a therapist she refuses to talk to. The only person who seems to draw her out is Ryan- their paths cross a few more times, they become friends, and eventually they become more. Ryan has suffered his own loss, so he understands the dynamics of Mackenzie’s emotions, her needs. He’s also, unfortunately for her, popular, which makes Mackenzie the target of both interest and bullying.(pretty much the trope the Tijan empire was built on). What I love about this story, though, is that while we have a beautiful and sweet romance, the real story is Mackenzie’s own journey- through grief, to healing- that is center stage, and her relationship with Ryan is merely the catalyst to her engaging with the world around her, not the cure.

Mackenzie is a deeply moving character. Tjian uses the interesting plot device of having Willow appear to Mackenzie in her moments of despair and pain- we see their bond through these internal dialogues, we feel Mackenzie’s pain, we feel the loss of Willow. It helps us symbolically see the evolution of Mackenzie’s grief- how her connection to others impacts how lost she is in her visions of Willow. I found her character riveting, heart wrenching, troubled, and beautifully broken. I saw pieces of myself in her, in her loved ones – aspects that I hadn’t yet understood. And, her relationship with Ryan was refreshing- it was no less soulful and swoon-worthy than any other Tijan romance, but this time it is mostly angsty free. Mackenzie struggles- and Ryan won’t budge or falter- he listens, he supports her, he shows up- her unfailingly supports her, and that let’s this story of grief breathe in a different way than other Tijan romances play out.

This story has the normal Tijan tropes- extreme bully harpies who take advantage of another’s open wounds, angsty new adult relationships, absent and at times downright criminally neglective parents, isolated main characters who don’t have outlets to process and cope with their experiences. Some may not like that juxtaposed with a more serious topic, but that is Mackenzie’s story, and they tropes certainly help amplify the internal aspect of Mackenzie’s tale.

Grief is obviously a central theme here- all of our characters are impacted by it in some way- we see how grief can rip someone apart, how it can build clarity, how it can be both liberating and debilitating, how in an instant the dynamic of grief can change your identity or the centeredness of your family, how grief can even alienate you from your own character, from yourself. We explore how compassion, a little understanding and a lot of patience can heal a heart, and we explore how the perils of bottling up your emotion, isolating your sorrow and your pain can create more pain and harm.

As someone who has lost two of the closest people in the world to me to suicide, I know this topic can be triggering, so I advise readers to make choices that are the best for their own mental health. For me, I found it cathartic, relieving- an exploration of what the “survivors” experience may be – what it means to be left behind- the guilt, the pain, the loss, the numbness, and how non-linear it is to “move on”- how ever present grief is and always will be. Personally, I did not find suicide to be used explotatively or without care- rather, I felt seen and understood, particularly in the internal workings of Mackenzie and in the way that Tijan portrays the real work that grief and healing take. That you have to hurt in order to heal. That in pain and vulnerability, you find strength.

I felt sadness, re-lived some of my own trauma, felt the despair and longing of grief and loss. I was broken hearted- and OMG, that ending. But, I also felt hope, I felt less burdened by my own pain, I felt like my lungs opened up again. Just know that it is heavy- grief, loss, pain coupled with the brightness and optimism of young love is quite a juxtaposition, and our characters are not adults, they struggle to process these very heavy things weighing on them, consuming them. And they may very well consume you, but at the end, you’ll feel that tightness loosen, you’ll see how a dark moment and many dark moments after can somehow yield something beautiful.

I loved this book! I got the audiobook and could not stop listening to it. I went on a lot, and I mean a lot of long drives to finish it within two days! A must-read!

My rating: 4.5 ++

Whew! This book dealt with tough topics. *Reader beware* if you’re not in the mood for an emotional rollercoaster ride—this is not the book for you. Tijan did an amazing job building Mackenzie and Ryan’s world.
Their story starts at the cusp of tragedy. Mackenzie’s lost a loved one (her sister, Willow) and is riddled with overwhelming depression and grief. After she and her family move for her dad’s job; she and her family visits her father’s co-worker for a party at their lavish mansion. Kenzie isn’t in the mood for niceties so she escapes in what she believes is Peach Jensen’s room. Instead she falls asleep (for the first time in days) in the comfort of ‘Ryan’s bed.’

Insert Ryan Jensen who haphazardly strolls in to find some strange (gorgeous) girl, sleeping in his bed. From the moment he saw her—he knew his life wouldn’t be the same. The girl oozed trouble, chaos and grief. So much suffering it was palpable. Little did Kenzie know she and Ryan had a lot more in common in the grief department. From that day on, Mackenzie and Ryan formed an unusual bond that preceded unwarranted opposition. Mackenzie had hater’s everywhere. Typical ‘new-girl’ on the scene shenanigans. Ryan was the high school jock/popular guy all the girls swooned after. Making Kenzie and easy target for their vicious games. I found myself rooting for her and Ryan. And was virtually sending high-fives her way when she grew some chutzpah and stood up for herself. She refused to take the ‘mean-girls’ antics. She held her own. But then trouble strikes at home. Then trouble strikes again. How long can she fight before she gets weary? Every warrior has their weak moments. Will Mackenzie and Ryan press past the trivial joshing of their peers? Will they have time to explore the chemistry they both share, sans worry and hearsay?

This book was amazing and is what turned me on to Tijan as a writer. My only drawback would be the abrupt end. I still had minor questions I wanted answered. Still, all-in-all, a fantastic read.