Mature YA readers recommended – sexual content, violence, language
I killed my first victim at thirteen years old – my age, not his. He was going to rape me, him and a couple of his friends. And so, I killed him. And then… I killed again. And again.
At seventeen, I’m killing four to six times a year – maybe more. Don’t stress out. I only go after the pedophiles and rapists. There are more out … after the pedophiles and rapists. There are more out there than I could cover in a lifetime.
Saying I did this on my own would be selfish. Enforcing justice holds a glory all its own. But now, my lifelong friend and backup, Deegan, has been arrested. I have to decide if I want to give myself up and take his place or leave him with all the damning evidence. I don’t want to stop killing. But if I let him take the fall, I can’t kill anymore. And I need to keep doing that.
But the worst part of it all? I love him.
Cover artist – Ashley Byland of Redbird Designs
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This was a bit difficult for me. Being a survivor, it did bring back memories I would rather not think about. Realistically, I think about them anyway. To say I liked the book makes me wonder what kind of person I am. I mean she is 13-17 taking the lives of people, sometimes setting them up. But then I think about the people. They were rapists and pedophiles. Suddenly, I’m good with it.
I read these kinds of books because I like examining the minds of the victim and the perpetrator. Cassie is both. I understand the first kill. I couldn’t do it, (I can honestly say that with confidence). But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand it. Nor does it mean I am upset about it. A part of me wishes I could have been Cassie. Part of me is happy I’m not. Part me wonders what is wrong with me that I couldn’t defend myself. Part of me wonders how I would have turned out if I did defend myself. What parts of me would I have lost? Realistically, I was much younger than Cassie. I wouldn’t have survived if I could have managed to fight back. It doesn’t stop me from feeling like a failure for not fighting.
Is the book realistic? Yes. No. The abuse happens. The author got that right. Disturbingly so. Cassie and Deegan getting away with so many murders? No. It wouldn’t have happened. There are a number of things wrong with that. Does it bother me? Nope. I am fine with fantasy revenge. I have done it a lot. Not going to lie. I was doing that while listening to this.
Cassie and Deegan have a strange relationship. Is it love? I’m no expert on that. Is it love for killing? Again no expert here. Is it a love for saving someone else from being harmed? Could be. Again no expert here but I do tend to rescue others. It has been years that I kept everything locked up. Then I discovered that others took courage from things I experienced. They took hope. They gave sympathy. They felt free to talk about things. I started talking more about things. It is still mainly when necessary though a few times I was just sharing. So I’m not the one to really determine what kind of relationship Cassie and Deegan have. I just understand Cassie feels they need each other and Deegan seems to believe it too.
This book brings up the old question are psychopaths born that way or made. I mean Cassie wasn’t murdering anything before the assault on her. So it would seem as though that act made her. Except that you have many survivors who never kill anyone. So was she born that way? What about Deegan. Why did he become Cassie’s partner? Was it hearing about the cases as a child? Hearing his father speaking of how the perpetrators aren’t punished enough? Was it seeing what happened to Cassie and his role in it? I don’t have the answers. I’ll be thinking about it though.
Is this book for everyone? Absolutely not. Please be aware of what you are thinking of reading or listening to. This is a book that deals with sexual abuse of a minor. That alone makes it not a book for everyone. It is also a book that deals with some messy murders. Think about that before you decide to get this book. If you can handle that, the book gave me a lot to think about. It may do that for you. If you are looking for realistic punishments are neatly done, dark punishments this might not satisfy you. It is firmly set in fantasy.
I listened to this on Audible. I was given a copy for review consideration. I voluntarily reviewed this selection. All opinions are my thoughts while listening to this book and my thoughts afterward.
The narrator on the Audible version is Jenifer Krist. I liked her narration. I think she did well as a grown Cassie telling the story of her youth. The flat tone with missing emotion felt right to me for Cassie. Good pick in my opinion.