WHY BE YOURSELF WHEN YOU CAN BE PERFECT?As featured on The High Low podcast’MAGNIFICENT. Brutally honest and righteously angry but still HUGELY enjoyable and engaging. I bow down!’ Marian Keyes ‘A thoughtful, intelligent, urgent novel women need to read.’ Dolly Alderton The highly-anticipated new novel from Holly Bourne, bestselling author of HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?__________He said he was … NOW?__________He said he was looking for a ‘partner in crime’ which everyone knows is shorthand for ‘a woman who isn’t real’.April is kind, pretty, and relatively normal – yet she can’t seem to get past date five. Every time she thinks she’s found someone to trust, they reveal themselves to be awful, leaving her heartbroken. And angry. If only April could be more like Gretel. Gretel is exactly what men want – she’s a Regular Everyday Manic Pixie Dream Girl Next Door With No Problems. The problem is, Gretel isn’t real. And April is now claiming to be her. As soon as April starts ‘being’ Gretel, dating becomes much more fun – especially once she reels in the unsuspecting Joshua.Finally, April is the one in control, but can she control her own feelings? And as she and Joshua grow closer, how long will she be able to keep pretending?__________PRAISE FOR HOLLY BOURNE:’Honest and unflinching’ Stylist’Funny, touching and painfully true’ Grazia’Relatable for any woman navigating emotional time bombs’Red’Bourne incinerates the lies we’re all capable of telling ourselves’Emerald Street’Funny, real and heartbreaking’ Lucy Vine’Funny, sad, honest, insightful, up-to-the-minute’ Roisin Meaney’Smart, witty and perceptive. Razor-sharp on friendship, self-image and self-deception’ Lucy Diamond
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I have never read a book by Holly Bourne before, so I was hesitant to read this one. However, I am truly glad I gave a new to me author a try despite my hesitance because this book was really good! There’s a clear message of female empowerment in PRETENDING and it stems from a hefty subject (sexual assault and the feeling of worthlessness). The book has its emotional moments and connecting with the female lead is easy regardless of the heaviness that surrounds her issues. One may start to wonder if this is a book about overcoming and it IS, but its also so much more than that. The author did a wonderful job writing it.
Would I read another book by the author in the near future? Absolutely. I’m so intrigued by her storytelling abilities that I want to immediately go out and buy more. I’d love to see what other kinds of stories she gives to her readers. Would I recommend this one? Absolutely! The subject matter may be a bit triggering for some, but most will see past the hard parts!
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I stayed up late last night reading this book and I’m still in a bit of a state of shock, because it was so very much not what I expected. From the blurb, I expected a sort of darkly funny romantic comedy. What I got was a searing mental health journey of a rape survivor trying, somehow, to process what happened to her, move on and find a healthy relationship with a man she can trust. Even though she’s pretty sure no man is worth trusting.
There are major triggers here for anyone who has survived rape, sexual assault or domestic violence. There are just so many events in the book which could be triggering – ones which the protagonist, April, is negotiating daily as she works at a charity which counsels survivors. Disillusioned after a string of failed relationships (including the one where her boyfriend raped her) April decides to try a new tactic, inventing the persona of Gretel, a Manic Pixie Dream Girl who takes no nonsense from any man. Putting on a confident facade, April/Gretel meets up with Joshua and… I wasn’t precisely sure what the plan was, but it seemed to be to get her own back on men in general, by making Joshua fall for her and then callously dumping him.
Joshua’s not perfect – he definitely does a few things which made me side-eye him and which April clearly actively disliked – but he’s a basically decent guy and April eventually comes to the conclusion that she has to come clean if they have any chance at a future. And this is where the story lost me because she does it in the most stupid possible way, inviting him to be her plus-one at a wedding where, of course, nobody is going to call her Gretel and Joshua is going to discover in a very public way that he doesn’t know who she is at all. It’s basically setting herself up for a huge public confrontation and humiliation and I hated it, because it really didn’t fit with April’s non-confrontational style at all.
This does, sort of, deserve to be classified as a romance because there is an HFN (Happy For Now) ending, but it’s really April’s mental health journey, and an extraordinarily painful one at that. I didn’t find much humour in it, though I did nod in agreement so many times as April once again despaired; any woman who’s ever discovered a man was massively over-selling himself or just flat-out lying in order to get sex will definitely painfully relate. It’s raw and honest and cathartic and possibly quite therapeutic, though honestly if your state of mind is anything even approaching April’s, you should definitely get therapy (as she finally does, thankfully – her creation of Gretel appears to be a dissociative personality and very close to schizophrenia manifesting).
Even though it’s not what I expected, it’s excellently written, with the exception of April’s weird choice of when to come clean with Joshua. It’s sharp and real and painful and it definitely won’t be for everyone because there are a lot of women for whom it will just be too confronting and triggering. Approach with caution, but it’s definitely worth the read. Four stars.
Disclaimer: I received a review copy of this title via NetGalley.
April is smart, pretty, kind-hearted and utterly incapable of getting past the fifth date. Between her PTSD after being raped by an abusive ex and her triggering but rewarding day job at a relationships advice charity, she can’t seem to find a man who is willing to accept her as she is rather than running a mile at the first sign of trouble. So April decides to become someone else entirely – Gretel. Gretel is everything April thinks men want, she’s sexy, she’s cool, she’s easy going and she definitely doesn’t have any unresolved trauma or mental health issues. But when April goes on a date as Gretel and meets Joshua, she starts questioning whether or not he might be able to love her for herself, not for who she’s pretending to be. And, more importantly, maybe she’ll be able to do the same? .
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I LOVED this book. Bourne pulled no punches about the reality of dealing with mental illness and the insecurity and fear that it can engender as you open yourself up to people. She also is incredibly raw about how hard it can be to continue to open yourself up and be vulnerable with people when you’ve been relentlessly and consistently hurt in the past. However, she’s also freaking hilarious about how utterly rubbish men can be and the outrageous, unrealistic expectations that are put in women who are trying to appear attractive to them. I frequently found myself reading sections of this book and being reminded of various ghosts of douchebags past. I suspect Bourne must have crowdsourced stories from her friends when writing some bits! The next time I have a single friend who is bemoaning her lot, I’m handing her this book to put a smile on her face.
Hands dow the best book about dating hell I have ever read. It’s relatable, funny, heartbreaking, witty, far too real, and … briliant!
Read. It. Now.