Invitation to the Blues (Small Change, #2)

I actually listened to the unabridged audio-book version of this available free via HOOPLA thanks to my wonderful St. Petersburg Florida Library Card. That said, most of this review is just as valid for the text version

This is NOT your light and frothy M/M romance. In fact, some trigger warnings are in order… (Depression / suicide attempt / low-self-esteem / food issues)

This is told from the POV of a thirty-something guy with severe long-term depression and a love of the piano, who’s recovering from his latest failed relationship. The story opens after an (off-page) unsuccessful suicide attempt and a retreat from Boston to his parent’s home in Philadelphia. – In chapter one, several months after the pre-story events, he “fires himself” from a job in his younger brother’s sandwich shop, since he can’t even pretend to be doing that well.

At one point Jude compares himself to a “black hole” and there is some truth there. He does have a strange attraction and if you’re strong enough in your own path, then this book may well give your empathy a “gravitational boost.” Those less secure in their own orbits might do well to steer clear.

This is not an easy book to take in. While you realize that it’s beyond the main character’s control, he’s not an easy person to spend time with. You start by feeling a bit sorry for him but too much of that with no end in sight can just be exhausting. But if you really want to understand someone with these issues, this might be the best way to gain some understanding.

As it is, it’s an enlightening look into another perspective on the world; one no less valid than mine, and one that’s worth a bit of discomfort to see, but I’m glad I don’t have to spend more time there than I do.

Now as to the audiobook bits…
I chose this as I was wanting a change of pace, (and partly wanting an aural sorbet to stop Greg Boudreaux’s voice from “being” Merlin in my mind), I decided to listen to Invitation to the Blues.

Greg Boudreaux’s calmly analytical tenor is perhaps the perfect choice for this book. I imagine this litany of fears and self-deprecating thinking could be insufferable if voiced by a more flamboyantly dramatic narrator.

I’m not sure I’ve ever read a more deeply sympathetic MC who suffers depression and anxiety. The glimpses of Jude from Small Change barely hint at his inner life. Here, we are right there with him. It is not easy, but it has its own beauty, because that’s how Roan Parrish rolls.

And then there is Faron, and how perfect he is for Jude specifically.

Christopher’s sympathy, Ginger’s brashness, Daniel’s sharp observations – the whole cast of this series and the Middle of Nowhere series are just awesome.

If you are new to Roan Parrish’s work, I envy you. READ THEM ALL.

I love this author. She is so great at portraying realistic situations combined with romance. Soooo good.

Jude Lucen finds himself back home, trying to recover his health and pick up the pieces of his life after attempting suicide. He has spent the last five years of his life experiencing the highs of professional success and the lows of living under the thumb of a manipulative and verbally abusive partner. Jude’s brother, Christopher tries to help him by offering him a job in his sandwich shop, Melt, a job at which he’s woefully unsuccessful. “As if me making sandwiches was actually about me putting the pieces of my life back together.” He quickly realizes he’s not long for the sandwich making world and resorts to giving piano lessons, a task he finds painful, but will pay the bills.

Faron Locklear is a quiet, thoughtful painter and tattoo artist who works at Small Change, Ginger Holtzman’s tattoo shop near Melt. He offers to help Jude make piano lesson flyers to hang up around Philly. Jude has a massive crush on Faron so he eagerly accepts the offer of help.

The two men have an unspoken attraction that slowly builds into a deep, meaningful connection. At first, Jude is unsure about getting involved with someone because he thinks “desire is the beginning of disappointment”. Jude blames his anxiety and depression for the failures of past relationships because he believes his depression is a burden on anyone who loves him, including his brother and parents. But he can’t deny his connection to Faron, a man who understands him when he can’t find his words. Faron makes him feel calm, even when his anxieties war inside his head. When he feels ugly and unlovable, Faron uses his painting skills to show Jude how beautiful he is. He paints Jude as he sees him, showing him the parts of himself he hates are the parts in which Faron sees beauty. Faron shows Jude that he loves all parts of him, the good and the bad, because all those parts make him who he is. Through Faron, she shows us how love and acceptance can make the hard days more bearable for Jude. When Jude feels like a burden because of his mental health issues Faron tells him, “I don’t want you out of generosity. Or because I’m some kind of angel or savior. I want you because something inside you vibrates just so with something inside me.”

Roan Parrish has created another stunning story with Invitation to the Blues. This book had me in tears as she masterfully takes the reader into the mind and heart of depression and anxiety. I felt Jude’s doubts, his pain, his constant guilt over how his illness affects those who love him. She doesn’t sugarcoat depression and anxiety and she doesn’t make true love a magic cure, but she creates beauty from imperfections.

Roan return to Philadelphia a lost man. After a failed suicide attempt, he left Boston. Leaving behind his crappy boyfriend and his reason for being. Music was his whole life. He felt that everything was being swallowed by a black hole. Without the music he couldn’t see away forward. His depression and self doubt robbing him of his life.

Faron works at Small Change as a tattoo artist. He is also an accomplished painter. He doesn’t sell his work professionally any more after a bad experience with a man he should of been able to trust.

These two meet and Roan allows Faron to begin to cut through his haze. Making him want things he can’t have. An old broke down piano brings them together. Faron painting image after image of Roan, while Roan attempts to put his life and the piano together a little bit at a time. The depression always there eating at him, self doubt always destroying his calm. He pushes Faron away, time after time.

This is not a light story to read. Roans internal dialogue is deeply sad and poignant. This story can be read as a standalone but several of the characters from the other Middle of Somewhere books appear, and it’s nice to be able to understand their place in the story.

Love and Battle

Wow….just wow! This was my first full length novel by Roan Parrish and she has found herself a new fan. Despite this book being the second in the Small Change series, I felt it worked well as a stand alone (in saying that I have picked up Small Change – book #1 to read!) so if that was a reason you were thinking of not picking it up, do so anyway!!

This is so much more than a romance novel – it’s a book about the realities of living with depression and anxiety, the impact this can have on family and friends and ultimately, the paralysing nature of this condition to those who live with it. And I cannot praise Roan enough for tackling a difficult issue in a genre that can often (but I know isn’t always) be full of fluff. Jude Lucen was a character that I connected with so deeply and even though I haven’t experienced depression and anxiety to the same degree that he has, some of his thoughts, his actions, his motivations I could identify with and it was gratifying to be able to empathise with his character this way. And Faron Locklear – OMG, this man is just so super-duper swoon-worthy!! His ability to innately understand what Jude needed or didn’t need, wanted or didn’t want – Faron is the man, the partner, that all people with depression and anxiety need in their life. Sure, he isn’t perfect – no one is – but I spent so much of this book in absolute awe of the things Faron did for Jude, without even being asked most of the time, that it was just so beautiful to read about.

“You don’t want to choose,” he said. “Choosing feels hard because it could always be a mistake. And if it’s a mistake and you chose it, then it’s your fault. You don’t want it to be your fault. You already feel guilty enough. You don’t want to feel any more.”

The story is one that happens fluidly and naturally, it just flows and isn’t forced. As the reader, you go on the journey with Jude as he learns to live again, as he realises that life can be more than the hell he was living in with his ex in Boston, as he reconnects with his brother Christopher and forms new relationships and bonds with those around him. Being told solely from Jude’s POV was ideal for this book and as Faron was the type of man who had an fundamental honesty about him, I never felt that I was missing out by not being privy to “seeing” the story from his perspective.

I know it shouldn’t, but it does still shock me when I can find yet another new author who I absolutely love!! And Roan is now one of my must-read, one-click authors. To write with such authenticity, such emotion, such beauty – it’s definitely something I want more of!

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