The beloved New York Times bestselling author tells the poignant love story of caring for her parents in their final years in this beautifully written memoir.“I’ll Be Seeing You moved me and broadened my understanding of the human condition.”—Wally Lamb, author of I Know This Much Is TrueElizabeth Berg’s father was an Army veteran who was a tough man in every way but one: He showed a great deal … tough man in every way but one: He showed a great deal of love and tenderness to his wife. Berg describes her parents’ marriage as a romance that lasted for nearly seventy years; she grew up watching her father kiss her mother upon leaving home, and kiss her again the instant he came back. His idea of when he should spend time away from her was never.
But then Berg’s father developed Alzheimer’s disease, and her parents were forced to leave the home they loved and move into a facility that could offer them help. It was time for the couple’s children to offer, to the best of their abilities, practical advice, emotional support, and direction—to, in effect, parent the people who had for so long parented them. It was a hard transition, mitigated at least by flashes of humor and joy. The mix of emotions on everyone’s part could make every day feel like walking through a minefield. Then came redemption.
I’ll Be Seeing You charts the passage from the anguish of loss to the understanding that even in the most fractious times, love can heal, transform, and lead to graceful—and grateful—acceptance.
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Elizabeth Berg’s poignantly rendered I’ll Be Seeing You shares with readers a story that is both highly personal and universally applicable. In bearing witness to her parents’s diminishing lives, and to the challenges these ‘setting suns’ present to their loving but taxed middle-aged children, Berg delivers a bittersweet account that is sad, loving, and completely authentic. To the author’s credit, nothing is sentimentalized here; we read about relentless late-in-life dependence, unanticipated changes in personality, the self-defeating instinct to isolate, and anger misdirected. Berg’s story allowed me to revisit and reflect on my own parents’s inevitable transformations during their last years, as well as my own exhausted and often less-than-perfect responses to what I could not control on their behalf. I’ll Be Seeing You moved me and broadened my understanding of the human condition.
Lukewarm! Author had a difficult time separating herself from the reality of aging parents over and over again. Too much.
Very relevant to caregivers! Highly recommend!!
A gentle and informative memoir of the journey through the challenges and sorrows of cognitive decline that so many of us will experience in our loved ones. It was aspirational, since I am in this trip. Beautifully and kindly told.
I’ve read every Elizabeth Berg book and bought this first day but didn’t read it for months as I was afraid of entering the world of the 80 plus as I approach my 80th birthday. On a day where I was so unable to stop the fears and questions I’ve had I picked up the book and finished it the same day.
It was like getting vaccinated for COVID. I felt less vulnerable and ready to enter the next stage of the journey with the knowledge that we just keep doing what we always do. We make it work out.
Very interesting read about the authors experience with the aging of her parents. Great read.
Anyone who has dealt with parents who suffer from Alzheimer’s or dementia will appreciate this book, especially when beginning the journey. This is a very personal account of the heartbreaks and little moments of joy as we face the sadness of our loved ones’ failing health and the end of our shared memories. I believe it is good to know that there are others on the journey and I wish I had been able to read this sooner. Well and tenderly written.
People magazine described Elizabeth Berg’s latest book, “I’ll Be Seeing You,” as “a memoir of dementia’s ravages.”
And therein lies the decision whether or not to read this book.
I chose to read this book because I’m a huge Elizabeth Berg fan. I have read all of her books and like most of them. But I wasn’t straining at the bit to read this one because I wasn’t sure about Elizabeth as a memoirist and wasn’t sure I wanted to read about anyone’s decline into Alzheimer’s.
Elizabeth is an amazing writer, able to get to the heart of her characters. I think that’s because she is so authentic, so genuine, and so lovely.
Her writing in this book does not disappoint. However, a caution: If someone you care about is experiencing Alzheimer’s, or if you are worried that you are, this book might not be for you.
On the other hand, maybe it is the perfect book for you.
“I’ll Be Seeing You” does not contain tips for how to travel Alzheimer’s terrain.
Rather, it is a love letter of the highest quality, from a daughter to her parents.
With her trademark compassion, humor, affirmation, and grace, Elizabeth Berg renders her own family’s experience in such a natural and bountiful way that it connects seamlessly to the reader’s own. It pierces, this book, in all the right places.
‘It’s hard to know how to rescue someone. It’s hard to know how to help them in the way they need to be helped.’ With honesty and tenderness, Elizabeth Berg confronts the grief, frustration, and pain of seeing her parents through the difficult changes of aging. I’ll Be Seeing You is brave, sweet, angry, loving, unbearable, and absolutely necessary.
Elizabeth Berg’s brave and beautiful memoir is proof that the heart, like a bone, can be broken and heal stronger. Unflinchingly honest, Berg walks into the tangled forest of sorrow and frustration familiar to anyone who’s had to contend with the end of their parents’s lives, and emerges with the understanding that love and loss are the two sides of any life well lived. You close this book reminded of our common humanity. The effect, which lingers, is something very much like grace.
This was a very touching memoir of the author’s parents and their declining years. I am so glad she shared this story with readers. It is important to see how she and her sister handled their parents and their situation when they got to the point where they could no longer live in their home. You learned some background of her early years as the daughter of a father who was career military. The relationship her parents have is front and center and a huge part of the issues they were experiencing.
The author and her sister lose their patience but are determined to help their parents as much as possible. It was emotional to travel with the author as she and her sister navigated the ability to find appropriate care for her parents…especially her father and his mental dementia.
Thank you to NetGalley and Random House for my advanced review copy. All opinions and thoughts are my own.
This book should be read by everyone who has aging parents. Berg writes from her heart about how hard it was to move her parents into an assisted living facility when her father develops Alzheimer’s. Her mom resents having to make the move and makes sure that everyone knows how unhappy she is. The responsibility and heartache that Berg felt was present in every page. As someone who is elderly, this book broke my heart that the children are having to do things for their parents and make decisions that the parents don’t like. This is not a feel-good book, but is should be read by every child who has an aging parent.
Disclaimer
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher via Netgalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255, “Guides Concerning the Use of Testimonials and Endorsements in Advertising.”
I received a complimentary digital copy of this book from the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an unbiased review.
At 70 years old, author Elizabeth Berg reflects on the decline in her aging parents back in 2010. Her 89 year old father begins to show signs of Alzheimer’s disease which is heartbreaking. She remembers him as a strict, militant Army “lifer” who slowly starts to “lose” it. During that time Elizabeth and her siblings try to support and ensure their parents are safe with her brother living in Hawaii and her living in Chicago, the major responsibilities fall on her sister Vicki who lives nearby. This is ultimately the year or so before the death of her father and eventually her mother.
Her parents had married in January 1943 at an Army base in TX. They always lived a modest life relying on each other throughout their years together. They would take her father to visit his brother Frank in a nursing home where they could reminisce on their past military days. It was her mother Jeanne who seemed to struggle the most with the all changes of aging and declining health. She was resistant and resentful about the curveball life has thrown at her refusing to resign to the life of an “old” person.
It is not a sappy love story about parents who “lived happily ever after” fairytale. She describes a history to which most can probably relate with imperfect parents whose lives slowly change in ways they never anticipated. The independent father soon becomes the frail confused man in need of constant surveillance and reliance on his wife. The mother who becomes angry and resentful when having to resign to selling their family home.
It’s a touching story of endurance and support as well as the frustrations that arise with aging. I think most people would prefer to age gracefully with our pride and dignity intact. It’s a delicate and precarious balance to ensure that happens while maintaining the safety and support that is essential.
A very interesting study of the decline of our lives. I’ve dealt with the decline and deaths of both of my parents so I can empathize. Very different situations but the feelings are the same. It is a tough look at how our bodies and our minds change over time regardless of what we want or expect. And how our love for ourselves and others change over time and adapts as needed. And how we all deal with changes differently.
I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley and the publisher and voluntarily chose to review it.
This exceptional memoir from Elizabeth Berg came to me at the most needed time. over the last few years, my family has lost three members to age, two stricken for years with Alzheimer’s before their deaths. I had no idea this internal rage and sense of unfairness was a basically normal response to the death of a dear one. ‘Still Alice’ helped a lot with understanding the personality changes and angst involved in the lives of Edie and Ann. Mom’s death should not have caught me so off-guard – she was 88 with a history of heart problems – but the habit of caring for her and her home, scurrying across the mountains to take her to doctor appointments and lab works, was such an ingrained part of my life that I still feel totally lost a year and a half out. This book helped me so much to put into perspective the letting go necessary to make life once again whole for me. Thank you, Ms. Berg, for your frankness and for sharing with us your troubles, so we can see our own in a better light.
I received a free electronic ARC of this memoir on September 29, 2020, from Netgalley, Elizabeth Berg, and Random House Publishing. Thank you all for sharing your hard work with me. I have read this work of my own volition, and this review reflects my honest opinion of “I’ll Be Seeing You”. Elizabeth Berg writes from the heart to the heart. Her novels “Talk Before Sleep” and “Range of Motion” are one’s I revisit every couple of years. “I’ll Be Seeing You” will be added to that short shelf of must-read-again books.
This is a true story about the affect on a family during the progression of Alzheimers. Elizabeth Berg’s family had a lot to overcome when her father was diagnosed with Alzheimers. There were many changes that took place. They learned to overcome many challenges and to eventually depend on each other to help everyone cope.
Elizabeth Berg did a wonderful job showing both sides of this disease. She wrote so eloquently about how it affected her mother as well as her father during the evolution of his illness. She did not pull any punches on how her family handled the tough situations. It is not easy and it plays a huge impact on the family unit.
I received this memoir from the publisher for a honest review.
We all have or had parents.
If they live into their “old age”, life gets tougher.
Harder for them and certainly different and often difficult for us as the “child”. We now must care for them. It’s no picnic!!
Is it a blessing or a curse?
This is a memoir of Elizabeth Berg’s parents as they have aged.
I would definitely recommend this book to everyone!
There is humor, love, family mixed in with sadness, truth, determination, horror and reconciliation.
What a wonderful, needed book!
I have been a huge fan of Elizabeth Berg for many years and have savored her written word and related to so many of the stories. This one really hits home as I am dealing with pretty much the same things with my elderly parents. Some of the same feelings my mom has, I saw in this book along with issues my dad has. It’s sad but it’s also eye opening. We are not alone in this journey of aging. Some have gone before us with the exact same path and others will go behind us. I’m so glad Elizabeth wrote this as it does help to know we are doing the best we can in this journey and some of our thoughts and actions are being experienced by others going through the same. A very heartfelt read that I devoured as I felt like someone else was sharing my own current story.
Thanks to Netgalley and the Publisher for the ARC
This is a brutally honest account of the author’s father being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. The disorder affects the entire family, not just the victim. She writes about raw emotions that are always just below the surface of the facade shown to the world.
Any child who had the roles reversed and then became a carer for their parents will definitely understand what has been written in this book. I definitely identified with so much. There are many emotions that the carer goes through, sometimes all at the same time. Elizabeth Berg is a wonderful author of fiction and also a bright light in many days with her insightful blogs. This book is like a long blog to someone who needs to know that they are not alone when dealing with aging parents. This book is full of hope, heartache, love, forgiveness and grief. I recommend it strongly. Elizabeth Berg was told by friends to publish this to help others, and will be. This book lets you know you are not alone and that your actions were done with love.
I want to thank NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group – Random House for allowing me to read the advance reader copy. My review is my own opinion not influenced by receiving the ARC. #IllBeSeeingYou #NetGalley