There are some things you can’t leave behind In If You Find Me by Emily Murdoch, a broken-down camper hidden deep in a national forest is the only home fifteen year-old Carey can remember. The trees keep guard over her threadbare existence, with the one bright spot being Carey’s younger sister, Jenessa, who depends on Carey for her very survival. All they have is each other, as their mentally ill … her very survival. All they have is each other, as their mentally ill mother comes and goes with greater frequency. Until that one fateful day their mother disappears for good, and two strangers arrive. Suddenly, the girls are taken from the woods and thrust into a bright and perplexing new world of high school, clothes and boys.
Now, Carey must face the truth of why her mother abducted her ten years ago, while haunted by a past that won’t let her go a dark past that hides many a secret, including the reason Jenessa hasn’t spoken a word in over a year. Carey knows she must keep her sister close, and her secrets even closer, or risk watching her new life come crashing down.
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The gentle cadence of Carey’s voice in the audiobook version took me to the 100 Acre Woods where she and her sister survived a life children are never meant to live. It captured me and took me through their story with emotions ranging from sadness and fear to hope and finally a feeling of belonging. I highly recommend this book…these charactesr…this journey…
“You can’t stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” ~ Piglet
I wasn’t entirely sure If You Find Me would be the book for me. I had a little trouble adjusting to the backwoods dialect in the beginning, thinking it was just so distracting that I’d never get into the book. But after the first chapter, I grew accustomed to it and realized it appropriately added a bit of character to the novel. Emily Murdoch takes us on a journey into the lives of two sisters who were kidnapped and abused but come to find that a second chance at life isn’t always impossible. If You Find Me is a compelling and emotional debut that I am so happy to have read!
Carey and her younger sister Jenessa were recently abandoned by their drug addicted mother in an old camper in the woods. They’re left thinking she has just gone out for supplies but they soon discover that she has left them when one day, a social worker and a father they can’t remember appear in the woods. Carey and Jenessa are then taken from the life they’ve always known to live with their father and must learn to adjust to living in the real world.
The bond between the sisters was one of the highlights of the novel for me. Though Jenessa didn’t talk much, Carey always had some sort of sixth sense when it came to her sister. They had such a powerful connection that really affected me emotionally. Carey is a mature, level-headed lead character that you can’t help but sympathize with knowing how she had to grow up far too soon so she could raise her sister. But it was Jenessa that I fell in love with. She’s just so precious and I found myself continually wishing I could just scoop this poor child up and give her all the love and care she deserved.
It was so heart wrenching to read about all that these two had survived in their short lives, far more than any child should have to go through. Poor Jenessa eating herself to the point of sickness because all she’s ever known is canned beans had me tearing up, and even Carey being so grateful for something as simple as toothpaste. But it was so fulfilling to see the girls get a real home and family to take care of them. While Jenessa seemed to take to this new life immediately, Carey is left conflicted, constantly warring on whether she should hate her mother for what she put them through and missing the home she’s always known but determined to get comfortable with this new way of living being presented to her, at least for her sister’s sake. The feeling of still having to be the adult seems to be permanently ingrained in her and I was constantly yearning for her to realize she could just lay back and finally be a kid.
The ending was a little too abrupt for my tastes; I would have enjoyed a short epilogue to see what things could’ve been like for Carey and Jenessa in the future. But all in all, Murdoch beautifully tells a touching story that held my rapt interest until the very last page was turned.
So what happens is that the girls are found in the woods by Carey’s dad, and he takes both her and Jenessa in and accept them as part of their family. And how Carey was acting with him a part of me thought that maybe their dad had abused her and we soon find out in the story that Carey’s mother told her that. But it isn’t true and I was really glad that it was the case that it was false.
And my reasoning for that is seeing Carey and Jenessa to grow and be part of his family with his wife and step-daughter I loved it, because most stories where they have another family they are all horrible. It was complete opposite and they got to be a big part of the family. It just made me really happy and although they had shit beginnings it meant that they got good endings sort of.
The story unravelled very well, and it brought a lot of things to attention especially family that was a big theme in the book. And anyone who loves their family can understand the love Carey feels for her sister Jenessa and so on and I love it.
But there is a shocker at the end of the story which is we find out why Jenessa won’t talk or why Carey was so protective and closed off. I don’t think I want to spoil the ending or the twist in this for people who do read this book. But I don’t know if you will expect it or not, erm I think part of you expects what does happen but there is another part of you that doesn’t expect the response that she does. As I said I don’t want to ruin it for you guys if you haven’t read the book, but if you have read the book or in the future do, tell me what you think of the secret and the twist in it! I would be really interested to know what you do think of it. So let me know!
So that’s some of my thoughts on If you find me, as I said I don’t want to ruin the book for you and once you read it you will understand why. It’s such a great book!
I bought this book on a 2-for-1 deal on Audible, and wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was amazing. So well-written. Heartbreaking. Hopeful. It’s a story about survival and family and never giving up hope. The narrator is fantastic, and perfectly captures the voice of 14-year old Carey. I highly recommend this book – best I’ve read in a while.
Trigger warning: This book does deal with child abuse and rape.
A really great read, worth reading again. I would love to see a part two.