My sister asked me if I could stand the sight my own reflection, if I’d caused enough damage yet, but I didn’t see myself when I looked into the mirror. I saw Kieran standing behind me, pressing a kiss to my shoulder while he undid my belt. I saw everything I wanted that I couldn’t have. Not unless I was prepared to hurt everyone around me. Kieran was in a similar situation. Were we monsters or …
Were we monsters or men? Were they one and the same? Did we give a flying f—hell. We did care. Just not enough to stop, not enough to walk away, and I knew we constantly asked ourselves the same question because of it. If we could go back to when we met on the train…if we could erase the deceit, erase our first hello…would we?
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A gut-wrenching, angsty and beautiful story about a forbidden love between two sole mates. The story pulled on my heartstrings and gave me all the feels. The characters were so relatable and their situations were so realistic; I felt like the story was happening right beside me in my mundane life. The writing was so vivid which made me completely emotionally invested in Kieran and Bennett’s story. I was thinking and dreaming of this powerful story even days after I finished the book.
4.5 Stars
“You’re my ‘if I could just have one more day ‘ person. You know what I mean?”
This is totally my thing. The angst, the feelings. This is definitely my favorite book by Cara Dee. Kudos to her for writing this because this won’t be for everyone at all…The blurb kind of touches on things with the word deceit but I still wasn’t prepared how powerful this story would be.
Here goes…cheating.There I’ve mentioned it but before you dismiss this and go running for the hills it’s important to understand the situation here. I can hear people muttering cheating is inexcusable and I’m certainly not condoning it but I’m a firm believer in unless you experience anything first hand you really don’t know how you’d react…unless you’ve walked in someone’s shoes…
In this case, we have two men who are married with children when they start taking the same train together to work. The narrator of the story (Bennett) is, at first, too preoccupied with his life to pay much more than mild interest in the man sitting opposite him every day but over time they start a tentative friendship which will eventually lead to so much more. This isn’t lust at first sight at all…it’s so much more.
Bennett and Kieran’s marriages weren’t the stereotypical ones. It wasn’t all roses and sunshine…boy meets girl, fall in love, get married, have a family. There were reasons behind their marriages which are explained. (again, I’m not condoning what they did but I kind of understood).
The story spans over five years ( one of my favorite things) and follows the men’s lives with their families and with each other. The relationship they both have with their own children and each other’ was truly special…I got teary on more than one occasion. Almost, inevitably things reach breaking point but how far will they go and are they prepared for the fall out that will follow?
I guess a lot of people view people who have affairs as selfish and to a certain extent they are. But life is hard and it happens and things are not normally as straight forward as they appear. I simply loved reading Bennett and Kieran’s story…
I highly recommend this book!
DBO~Review by Judith
This was the first Cara Dee book I’ve ever read, so I didn’t know what to expect. I can honestly say I was pleasantly shocked by just how much I loved this book.
The plot involves some tense topics that I’m not sure if they want revealed as it doesn’t straight up say it in the blurb. I worried that I’d be deterred by it but Cara does an amazing job at showing a different side of a generally negative topic. I never thought of it in that light, and it’s hard not to sympathize with the Kieran and Bennett. There was so much love and angst, it was wonderful and heartbreaking. I recommend it to anybody that enjoys a rough journey with a great destination.
I loved this book! The emotional roller coaster of the two main characters was something else. I laughed, cried and everything in between. I would highly recommend
*this review may contain spoilers
I don’t like cheating and I usually avoid books on the subject. I love Cara Dee’s writing, though, and of course I wanted to read this one, too. I’m so happy I did.
What I really appreciated about this book is that nothing is rushed. I got to know the characters, with their good and bad sides,bit by bit,as their story unfolded. It’s a slow and heartbreaking process, evolving over months,as Kieran and Bennett become more involved into each other’s lives. Before they met,they lived in a state of numbness, feeling like stand-byers in their own lives. Having the other man close slowly becomes a need neither can give up. But they’re good,gentle, caring men,with sane principles,and of course family is their priority. Although they need each other at a cellular level, they try not to ruin the lives of everyone around them.
If We Could Go Back is a beautiful, intense story of acceptance, family and fighting for what you really want and love.
I really, really recommend it.
This is such an amazing angst fill story about forbidden love. This definitely had my emotion everywhere. Bennett and Keiran’s story is so realistic that I was just rooting for their happy ending. Definitely read this story!
Definitely a 5 star read. This story has stuck with me more than a lot. When I read most times the story will show in my head like a movie and this books “movie” would follow me into my dreams on the nights I stopped reading way too late on a work night.
We follow Bennett and Kieran on their journey from strangers, to acquaintances, to friends, and finally to lovers. Along the way they have many trials, and of course fun times. This story takes place over many years, but you don’t feel as if the story is dragging. The supporting characters are represented very well, some you will love and others you will want to slap silly.
Do you ever read a book you like, but still cannot figure out exactly how to describe it? I feel like instead of summing it up I just want to spew it out every detail. I’m going to try and not give too much away that way that way you can dive into this book without preconceived notions, and without thinking when will this happen or when will that happen.
This is definitely a complicated story, it’s not just one of those they meet, they date, they break up, then boom HEA. I feel this book is way deeper than I thought it would be, their HEA isn’t simple or even pretty at times but none the less it’s theirs. I loved Bennett & Kieran’s story. This story takes place over several years, so you really get to know them and their story on a deeper level. I feel like we truly get to know who they are. Not just the story of their love but the story of them and their lives.
There will possibly be parts of this story that might not sit well with some people. Even I had some issues with a couple of things. Not that they are bad parts it’s just some people might not like to read books like this or with these situations, but try and look past those because it might be different from what you’re used to but it is such a great book. I am not a fan of books with a lot of angst, but I found that was not the case with this book. I am a very impatient person but I feel it wasn’t as bad due to the fact that it was over several years not just a few months or so. The other aspect was cheating. While I hate cheating period, as bad as I hate to say it I kind of understand this situation. I feel this book is very real world. Their struggles and pains are situations people can relate to on some level. We don’t live in a world that’s perfect and pretty and this book really reflects that. Their journey is long and messy and while some of the things they did were not classically “right” it is still a part of their story. As in life every story is different, some may be simple but many are not. This is a story of lust, hurt, ups and downs, but most of all there was love. And in the end that was what truly mattered their love and their love for others in their lives.
Another absolutely stunning story from Cara Dee.
I never have a problem ‘believing’ Cara’s characters, but Bennett and Kieran became so incredibly real to me right from the beginning. I always love reading her crossovers and seeing characters from other Camassia Cove books, too, and there were a few of those here.
The chemistry and suspenseful, ‘will they, won’t they’ that continues throughout the book had me gripped from the first page to the last. Every time I think I have a new favourite Cara Dee novel, she hits it out of the park with the next and proves me wrong. Bravo!
Being true to oneself!
Bennett and Keiran
Adhering to what society asks or demands from us has always been one of the causes of a person’s unhappiness and restlessness. I think you and I have experienced this at one time or another. Having said that, being selfish to one’s needs, even if it’s just for one day, can sometimes be justifiable or demandable in order to stay sane in your/this world!
Just like any Cara Dee original, this is a first for me! I had imagined this kind of story before but to be actually reading it, it excites me, and also gives me apprehension coz just as they say, this is uncharted waters for me. The way the two main MCs met is not unusual, but the way their friendship develops and the surprises in between is intriguing for me, maybe because, right, this is a first for me. Two lonely people, married yet lonely, they feel alone in their individual marriages, how can that be?
Society has always dictated the norm on how people should act and behave, but is that really good for the individual person? In modern society, shouldn’t we be allowed to behave as we see fit? Can we be truly happy living a life not of our own choosing? Adhering to what is expected of us is the crux of this marvel of a story, going against it and to experience the fall out of such behavior is what we are going to read about here. We can blame people for what happened but ultimately, it is our responsibility, we knew it could happen. Ms. Cara not only navigated through all of these but she also gave us the consequences of such actions. We may take sides but in the end we choose to make the people who are most important to us understand why things happened the way they did. Selfish? Maybe, but as I said, ultimately it is our life, and those we truly love, to live! LET’S LIVE IT THE BEST WAY WE CAN, WITH NOT AN OUNCE OF REGRET!
Once again Ms. Cara Dee, you have blown me away! Bennett and Kieran are two of the most realistic characters I have ever read, their fears, struggles, feelings, insecurities and dreams are all too real. This book made me cry, laugh, ughhh, swoon and just like Bennett’s dad told him, I rooted for the good guys, Bennett and Kieran, their life and their happiness!
A must-read for those who love rooting for couples who dream of having their happily ever after! Five glowing stars for this masterpiece!
OK, first thing that must be said, this is not an easy book to read. It’s an emotional rollercoaster that forced me to stop multiple times mid-read to get my feelings in order before going on. That being said, the story is beautiful, though gut-wrenching, and so TRUE…
You cannot help but being thorn in two between feeling that what Kieran and Bennet are doing is wrong (they’re both married when they start hanging out together and when they start their affair), and wanting them to just leve everything behind to live their love.
Cheating has always been a no-no for me in books, and as I said it was not easy to read about it, but what I liked is that it’s approached very thoughtfully, I loved that Bennet (whose POV we get throughout the book) analyzed every aspect of the whole situation he and Kieran got stuck into and that everyone’s feelings are taken into account, and yet, knowing full well that something has to give, and that in the end someone will suffer with any of the choices that are made, Kieran and Bennet get to decide how they want to live their lives.
The question if we could go back is asked several times throughout the book, at different stages of their relationship (the story spans over 5 years) and the answer to that is different from time to time.
Cara Dee has gifted us with yet another wonderful story to give us a major book hangover.
First of all, I loved this story of hope and faith and love and second chances and heartbreak. But, I will provide a caveat…this probably isn’t the book for everyone. Cara Dee has become one of my must read, one click authors, so I didn’t even read the blurb before I delved right in. I’m not one for books with cheating. Honestly, that was a major part of this story. If you can get past that, this book is superbly written and angst filled and worth every ounce of guilt that the MC’s had.
This is one of those books that makes you realize your life will ever be changed when you reach the last page. I couldn’t have predicted how much impact the words on the page had on me. It was beautiful. I felt the emotions run through Kieran and Bennett. I felt the longing, the tenderness, the passion, the regret, and the heartbreak.
So many really tough subjects were brought to the surface in this story and each was met with dialogue of caring and understanding and support. I can’t say enough about the brilliant writing that went into creating this story and the significant emotions that were felt. Cara Dee is generous with giving her characters depth and imperfect lives and shaping them into heroes and people you’d be glad to call family.
This is one book that will go on my top 5 for this year, without question.
*Heartwrecking, hurting, wonderful second chance for love!!!*
„You can never make up for lost time. All you can control is where the first ends and where the second begins.“
What a story!! I wish I could give more than just 5 stars!!
Because the story of Bennett and Kieran deserves so much more!!
This is one of those books, that you can´t put out of your hands and at the same time you´d like to throw it at the wall, cause of all the struggling feelings that this story creates in you.
Cara Dee is such a skilled and wonderful writer, she has the remarkable ability to take her readers right into the minds and thoughts of her characters, so you can feel and live their every emotions, struggles, hurts and doubts and regrets.
As if their feelings are your very own.
This is the story of Bennett (Ben) Brooks and Kieran Marshall.
They are strangers when they meet on a train and their curiosity awakes to get to know each other.
They are strangers who become friends.
Friends, that are both married men, whose wives become best friends too.
Friends, with children, who play together and also become best friends.
Friends, that are both so very unhappy in their marriage, with their life.
Friends, both their lives are so miserable.
Friends, that learn to comfort each other. To understand each other.
To help each other live through their misery.
To give each other back hope and strength, a light in the dark.
And a glimpse of a life that is still worth living for.
They fall in love with each other.
„We shared something, didn´t we? Something that scared me shitless. Something that made breathing easier. Something that could bring an insurmountable volume of pain. Something I craved more of nonetheless.“
So yes, this is a story about cheating husbands having a secret affair.
There are these two strong, responsible, hard-working, children-loving, but oh so lonely men with selfish wives that don´t really care about their husband´s life and happiness, who discover in their developing friendship the desire to be happy again, to live again and to love again.
And at some point, ignoring all the doubts and guilt, well knowing what pain and hurt they are causing, they take that single moments of happiness and growing loving feelings for themselves and cherish them.
„Life without you is just survival.“
„Remember you called him my cocaine?“ I asked, and she nodded. „He´s not. He´s the love of my life.“
Today is the third day I´m sitting on this review and I´m still somehow struggling to get my thoughts and emotions for this book in order.
In short, my conclusion is:
Life with all its different facets and situations is complicated. It is never just black and white.
I loved both Bennett and Kieran with all my heart and it broke for both of them over and over again.
„If We Could Go Back“ is such a special, heartwrecking and amazing second-chance-for-love story, that I only can highly recommend!!
A+ rating. I think this is the best book I’ve read so far this year. Wow! I really loved this slow friends to lovers story, which was a surprise because usually cheating is a hard NO for me…BUT even though both guys are married, there are extenuating circumstances in both those marriages. The love story is gorgeous…and felt so genuine. I simply fell in love these two guys!!!
HIGHLY RECOMMEND!!!
First things first: I’ll start by saying I am shocked that I loved If We Could Go Back by Cara Dee. Why? There’s cheating! I hate cheating, but the story was so well written I understood their circumstances. Not that it was ok, not that it didn’t bother me but because I understood it, I got past it.
What I loved:
-Friends to lovers. They meet by chance on a train ride. They don’t connect right away, but when they did, it’s just two guys hanging out. The story spans years, so it wasn’t something that was rushed or felt seedy.
-Emotional. I love a good angsty story and this delivered. It choked me up, guys. I felt everything they did: heartbreak, love, indecision, desire, confusion, despair.
-Character growth. Both these men knew the consequences of their actions, and in the end, they grew from it and put their children first. They became better men.
-The end was a well deserved HEA. I loved getting that glimpsed into their future.
This a compelling story that I highly recommend — it’s become all time favorite.
What can I say. I absolutely loved this read!
This is a book I’m going to reread over and over and over. I was everything I love in a book: realism, romance, tragedy, and a hauntingly beautiful story.
I have mixed feelings about this book. It’s beautifully written and the characters are exceptional. But… And anyone who has read the blurb is going to know what I’m going to say next. But.. the two main characters are both married to other people, and they cheat on their wives.
I have huge issues with cheating. I’ve always believed that if a relationship has ended, then you have no reason not to call it quits before starting the next one. If you’re ready to start the next one, you’re ready to quit the last one. Yes, I know that’s very black and white of me. And yes, I’ve been judgy of people who have cheated, when the truth is that I’ve never been in their shoes. I try really hard not to be judgy, but this issue pushes my buttons. Kind of in the same way that intolerance pushes Bennett’s buttons in this book.
Despite all that, as I mentioned at the beginning, the book is very well written, which I have come to expect from Cara Dee. It does have steamy scenes, and there’s certainly a tangible attraction between Kieran and Bennett, but the book focuses more on their emotional journey.
The author breaks up the emotional angst every now and then with humour, often led by scenes with the children, but not always.
I really liked both Bennett and Kieran, despite their cheating and deceit. I also really liked the three kids. This was a strong, sweet romance, with a lot of angst, and some serious feels. It is everything I’ve come to expect from Cara Dee. But man, I just can’t condone the cheating. That doesn’t sit right with me at all.
It took me a while to decide whether or not to read this book, but I’m glad I did.
I absolutely enjoyed this one.
In true Cara Dee style, it was angsty and had me turning the pages way into the early morning.
The character were relate-able and the situation heartbreaking.
If you’re on the fence about this one… give it a chance… you won’t be disappointed.
Wow, just Wow. Another amazing story from this author. This is a mm contemporary story set in the USA. The journey Bennett and Kieran take, is over many years with many strong emotions involved. The secondary characters were wonderful too, James aka Dad, Brianna and the younger Marshall siblings. I highlighted the hell out of this book!! Cara Dee writes the best stories!