The award-winning, big-hearted novel about being seen for who you really are, and a love story you can’t help but root for Amanda Hardy is the new girl in school. Like anyone else, all she wants is to make friends and fit in. But Amanda is keeping a secret, and she’s determined not to get too close to anyone. But when she meets sweet, easygoing Grant, Amanda can’t help but start to let him into … but start to let him into her life. As they spend more time together, she realizes just how much she is losing by guarding her heart. She finds herself yearning to share with Grant everything about herself, including her past. But Amanda’s terrified that once she tells him the truth, he won’t be able to see past it.
Because the secret that Amanda’s been keeping? It’s that at her old school, she used to be Andrew. Will the truth cost Amanda her new life, and her new love?
Stonewall Book Award Winner
Walter Dean Myers Honor Book for Outstanding Children’s Literature
iBooks YA Novel of the Year
A Publishers Weekly Best Book of the Year
A Kirkus Reviews Best Book of the Year
An Amazon Best Book of the Year
A Goodreads Choice Award Finalist
A Zoella Book Club Selection
A Barnes & Noble Best YA Book of the Year
A Bustle Best YA Book of the Year
IndieNext Top 10
One of Flavorwire’s 50 Books Every Modern Teenager Should Read
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Just wow. I am still trying to gather my thoughts. I finished it in a matter of a few hours and got teary a few times. A beautifully written story about a trans girl who wants a normal life and all the challenges it entails. Must read.
I typically avoid reading things of this nature, simply because I don’t care to have topics like this stuck in my head. I was once told by a very wise and Godly woman that when unhealthy subjects enter your mind, don’t allow yourself to dwell. Instead imagine them as a flock of birds flying away above your head and focus on healthier things.
But I did pick this book up and I did read enough of it to feel Andrew/Amanda’s pain and I wanted to see it through to the end. I found the book to be full of genuine emotion and it filled me with heartache for the plight of those who experience this life. If you are in any fashion like Amanda, my personal message to you is this…you have been perfectly created, you are worthy, and you are deserving of love.
I enjoyed this sympathetic, emotional story and have a better understanding of transgender feelings for the reading of it.
The author definitely took liberties to remove as many barriers to the readers’ understanding/experience of Amanda as was possible… and she admits as much. That doesn’t remove the fact that this is a beautifully honest book and an excellent debut effort.
There is a brief Afterward at the end of If I Was Your Girl in which author Meredith Russo addresses her readers and explains some of the motivation behind the creation of this novel as well as the choices she made in the telling of her heroine’s story. I am fully cognizant of the fact that my lane begins and ends at respecting those choices, and that own-voices matter, and that representation matters, and that Russo has created a character in Amanda Hardy who is strength and courage personified. She has experienced life in a way I never have, or will, and if the author took some liberties in the telling of her story, so be it. What matters, when all is said and done, is that this novel is as heartfelt, poignant, and as perfect as Russo intended it to be—from the hopes and fears of a teenage girl who is a work in progress, trying to carve out her place in the world, all the way down to the affirmative context of the book’s title.
It’s a testament to Russo’s word-crafting that I was engaged by Amanda from the opening scenes of her story. Told largely in the present, readers are offered flashbacks as well, and while it’s a device that can sometimes burden the pace of a story, it was the ideal narrative choice here. Giving us a glimpse into where Amanda began not only plays into the active, declarative intent of the title, but it also offers a candid look into what it means to come to terms with and then to live one’s own truth. When we meet Amanda, she’s on a bus, in the midst of a different sort of transition—leaving her mom’s home in Georgia to live with her dad in Tennessee, to spend her senior year at a new high school, to get a fresh start in a place where no one knows why she feels the need to “go completely stealth.”
One of the liberties Russo admits to taking in her Afterward is the fact that Amanda has undergone gender confirmation surgery, something that in reality would have been both cost and age prohibitive, but it is not taken lightly. Amanda is supported by parents who love her, and while she is offered the chance to live her truth in a way that may not be presented in a fully factual way, it’s something I felt was integral to the story’s objective—not to prove to readers that Amanda is a young woman, she was a young woman before she underwent surgery, but to place Amanda in lock-step with who she is, mind and body, and to then allow me insight into her thoughts and feelings and emotions even as all the creeping doubts and fears she bears nip at her on a near-constant basis. We are with Amanda the first time she looks into a mirror and sees the girl she is, has always been on the inside, and that euphoric moment happening after her suicide attempt was such a riveting and celebratory scene. The opportunity to relate to a character on any level, let alone in a deeper and more insightful way, is so essential to embracing a story, which I did in every single way.
The Teen Romance market is filled to abundance with stories of high school drama and first love. While If I Was Your Girl contains some of the same, it also resonates on a level well above and beyond the typical; there is a reason this book has won so many awards and garnered all the accolades. As Amanda can’t help but make new friends, despite her desire to exist under the radar, she struggles with trust and the always underlying fear that someone will discover the secret she keeps. Amanda becomes in this story, and it is an evolution of hopes and dreams and falling for the kindest and most charming boy in school. It is also a hard jolt of betrayal, and the violent aftermath of that betrayal, and the aftershock of it, and then Amanda proving once and for all that she not only deserves happiness but she owns her right to it. I loved her in every single way, and I appreciated the way Russo wraps up the story—not with unrealistic promises but with the practicality that Amanda’s life is only just beginning, and her future will happen one day at a time.
“For as long as I could remember, I had been apologizing for existing, for trying to be who I was, to live the life I was meant to lead. Maybe this would be the last conversation I would have with Grant. Maybe not. Either way, I realized I wasn’t sorry I existed anymore. I deserved to live. I deserved to find love. I knew now—I believed, now—that I deserved to be loved.” – Amanda
If I Was Your Girl is, hands down, one of the most candidly beautiful novels I’ve read so far this year.
I was amazed at how good this book was. It was not one of the best books I have ever read, but it affected me in a good way. It was very eye-opening and I know I will be telling others to read this. When I first picked it up, I think I had just seen it in my recommended on Goodreads, I was unsure of how I would like it. I knew a few transgender people. That is what spurred me to take on this book. I was confused about the topic and didn’t understand those people, nor how it worked. I wanted to though, I wanted to be able to understand how they felt. I knew no non-fiction book would help me with this. Especially since my attention span of non-fiction is very low.
When I first started this book, it was very confusing. I had no idea what she (he?) was going through. I couldn’t picture it in my mind, nor feel it to help me understand the character better. As the book went on, things slowly became more clear and I learned what they were going through and how hard it was for them. I still have a few questions, but everything is mostly cleared up. And I like knowing how these people feel.
This book was really eye-opening for me. I never knew this side of people before. Most would not like to talk about this either, as I suspect it might bring up bad memories. But that’s why this book is so great. It gives you the experience that almost no one goes through. It is such a real and riveting tale- no matter how fictitious is really is.
I have recently learned that the author is transgender as well, and that she wrote this book based on her experience coping with that. That is what I think makes the book all more real. The author knows what she is talking about and understands her character. I admire the author for having the bravery to relive that as she was writing and editing her book. I have gone through some tough experiences in life and whenever I try to revisit those I never can because I get way too emotional. Some of the bravest people in this world are the ones we never notice as brave.
And sometimes the people we never notice or pay attention to are the ones who need it. Amanda has a tough life, so do a lot of people. This book can open your eyes to the world around you and let you see inside others. Anyone and everyone needs to read it. We all need our eyes opened.
If I Was Your Girl by Meredith Russo was a very hard to read because the pages would constantly blur from my unshed tears. My tears were of sadness, as well as joy for Amanda, a seventeen-year-old girl who goes to live with her divorced father in order to start at a new high school as a senior. Her father doesn’t understand Amanda, and Amanda feels responsible for her parents’ divorce. Amanda has been bullied her entire life, filled with confusion and fear to the point she tried to kill herself. The reason is because Amanda was once Andrew. She was born a boy but always felt she was a girl stuck in a boy’s body.
The beauty of If I Was Your Girl, is that Amanda has hope even after all the horrible things that happen to her. She’s a survivor, and may seem to be a victim (but she isn’t) who deserves to be happy and loved. She does find love, first with her mother who has always supported her. When Amanda, still as Andrew asks why her mother cares that Amanda wasn’t successful in her suicide attempt, her mother responds she wants her son alive not dead, even if it means her son will transform into a female because that’s what she is inside. Amanda’s father is well written also because we see his rage at first to witness his son at a young age wanting to be a girl. We see her father’s initial rejection of both Amanda and his mother. He runs away because he can’t face or understand why his boy wants to be a girl. His father then holds out a hand finally, wanting Amanda to live with him. Amanda takes this chance, knowing if anyone in her new town or school finds out that she used to be Andrew, she could be bullied, ostracized or worse.
Amanda makes friends right away, including catching the eye of Grant, a super sweet guy who’s smitten with Amanda the moment he sees her. Grant may be too good to be true, but you don’t care because you want Amanda to be happy and experience falling in love for the first time. Amanda soon has a group of friends with all different personalities and traits. Amanda also realizes that everyone has secrets and hidden shame. There’s the bisexual school druggie outcast Amanda befriends who ‘s having a secret affair with another one of Amanda’s friends who comes from a very conservative Christian family. Grant also has secrets about his family he feels he must hide from his peers. Amanda, as the audience knows, has her secrets. But unlike Grant and her new friends who are willing to show them to Amanda, at what cost is Amanda willing to share hers?
Flashbacks of Amanda’s former like as Andrew are shown, and hit you in the gut, specifically when Amanda was still Andrew as a little boy, trying to impressed his Dad who wants him to be in sports and stick up to the bullying. I especially grew weepy over the beautiful relationship Amanda has with her mother. We see Amanda embrace her true self both inside and out, complete with her transformation like a caterpillar who becomes a butterfly.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had such an emotional, visceral response to a book like If I Was Your Girl. We need more books like this, especially in the Young Adult genre, and for readers who are like Amanda.
Powerful, gut wrenching and just so wonderful with everything in between. If there is one book you read this year, it must be If I Was Your Girl.
A boy locked imprisoned in a body that felt wrong. He experimented with different ways to make his body conform to the way he felt, yet nothing felt as right as letting go of the boy who held him back from his true self.
I loved the different viewpoints by the parents. Both parents wanted to help in different ways, yet having no prior experience or knowledge on how to help left them fumbling through mistakes.
This story didn’t go into the details regarding the actual surgery process. Rather it focused on the aftermath of this change and how her life changed in both good and bad ways. Much to consider when taking this step. I thought it was a smart place to tell the story from. Enough was stated about the stages prior to transformation to help the reader understand why this was the essential step needed in his life.
Meredith touch upon all aspects of being a girl. I’m amazed how easily my mind accepted Amanda. …”no possible barrier to understanding Amanda as a teenage girl”. Meredith succeeded. I was happily convinced that Amanda transformed into the girl she wanted to become.
I loved the mother daughter moments. Meredith giving words of understanding and encouragement made me happy.
I’m extremely curious about transgender people so this story hit it mark. Meredith answered all the questions that plagued my mind. She wrote a thought provoking story with breathtaking beauty highlighting on building a life after transformation.
Meredith chose senior year for Amanda’s transformation testing out the change with new friends, new territory, and new outlook. It was fitting to test the waters in this pivotal year before heading off to college.
Emotional. Raw. Tragic. It’s sad, but not desperate. It’s hard, but cannot be put down. It’s hopeful, but not fake (although the author admits to have taken some liberties from reality).
I loved this book because it is about a transgender person (boy to girl) who is depressed and lonely. Her mother sends her to her dad for a break and she really discovers who she is and that she is proud of herself. She makes friends, forms a relationship, and even falls for a guy. I love the ending because it shows that people can really accept you for who you are. Meredith Russo is an amazing writing who shows you that you can be yourself no matter who you are, no matter what gender.
I really enjoyed this book, and I also found I learned a lot by reading it as well. I feel like I say these words to much lol, but I truly mean it! This book was genuinely amazing, and I hope more people read it.
very good
This was quiet te most informative trans-story I’ve read so far. Perhaps the experiences of the author made it feel more authentic/real.
And I have to admit I admire the courage (although I guess they don’t have really much choice in the matter) of trans people (I hope I don’t offend anyone by using this term). Because I assume that irl the whole pathway to follow isn’t as quick and efficient as in the book and like Amanda describes her best friend Virginie “little bit too high forehead, little too big hands, slightly too broad shoulders,…” especially trans women (or at least the ones I see in daily life) don’t shed all their male characteristics as much as they probably want and often stand out a bit. And It really isn’t my intention to finger point, judge or offend someone by saying this, it’s just an observation. Although being bullied as a kid because of my asian features I can’t start to imagine what it must be like to going trough the whole transition proces…
I am one who does not read much but this year my teacher convinced me that reading is great So I was looking around and “If I Was Your Girl” book stood out from the others I started to read it and I found myself not putting it down it was so romantic and inspirational to all those trans people out there who have no one to turn to for help I cant wait to read more out there!
By far the best book I’ve read to date that deals with the issues of what it is like when you want to be transgender. I never felt so fully understanding of the plight of people who are born looking like one sex but feeling totally like the opposite sex. Very moving, very enlightening.
Thankful for a window into the ocean of feelings and a place to start learning how to be supportive.
Original about a transgendered teen who fell in love-hard issues.
Trans characters are not very common in books, and that is one of the main reasons I picked this book up and started reading it. I love seeing LGBTQ+ representation in books and this definitely felt like it was one of the truest books that I’ve read that is centered around a trans character. As I read it, I could feel Amanda’s emotions and I was really able to understand and connect to what she was going through. I know what it is like to start over with your life. I know what it is like to keep life-threatening secrets from people you love. I know what it’s like to be bullied and go to therapy and have people that support you and people that don’t. I know what it’s like, because I have been there. Meredith Russo explained every one of these scenarios pretty much exactly how I, and many others, have experienced them. She conveyed Amanda’s emotions and actions perfectly. I loved this book too much to even put in to words. This is definitely a book that I am going to read again.
Amazing YA about being one’s self through incredible odds.
this book is an excellent rendering of what it could be like to be trans in a community that is homophobic. Amanda’s story is realistic and filled with a past that no person should’ve had to bear.
I have never finished an audiobook so quickly. It took me less than 48 hours. And sure, that seems like a lot of time, but I’ve averaged out listening to 1 audio a book in two weeks. So, 48 hours is impressive for me.
I was hesitant and unsure about this choice. I needed a new audiobook and all the ones I want are wait listed. So, as I scrolled through what seemed like an endless number of pages of audiobooks that just weren’t appealing to me. When I stumbled across what I now know was a diamond in the rough.
Amanda story is a unique story, the author points that out in the notes. This is a story I haven’t heard before and is one I am unfamiliar with. Even before proceeding I sought the advice of other readers/listeners. I wanted to prepare myself. I’m glad I listened to it.
This was not just a story of a transgender teen it was so much. It was healing, friendship and trust. There were so many hidden facets that this is a brilliantly published coming of age novel.
The relationship the formed and fell seemed real and authentic. With raw emotions radiating out of my speaker.
Can I just take a minute to comment on the narration. The story came alive, each character’s tone marvels the description of the characters it’s as if just based on the voices you could what clique the belonged in and how their appearance was.
I was blown away by the strength that one person could have, even if she didn’t always see it in herself.