I Saw You First

To speak with Jude, one of the MC’s in this book: the author hooked me and reeled me in. That easy.

I had this book on my tbr for ages, and just didn’t seem to come around to read it. I hadn’t read this author before, and even though the blurb intrigued me, I didn’t know what to expect.
But since my tbr is a forever growing and never ending pile of all sorts, I made an agreement with myself: each week, in between the ARC’s I’m reading, I will pick at least one book from it, because otherwise I won’t ever read all the awesome books I have sitting there.
And so I guess it was time to pick this one. I was in the mood for something not so fluffy, for some angsty, real life emotions. And even though the (long) epilogue was a heavy one, the rest of the book wasn’t, like I assumed it would be. And yes, there are heavy topics, there are some uncomfortable, tough scenes, but overall it was mainly just about the second chances we sometimes get in life. The ones we are handed out and are or aren’t willing to take.
It’s also about redemption, about forgiveness, about family. It has a first time gay kissing and sex, it has quite some steam, and it is told solely from Jude’s pov.

The epilogue starts off with Wally and Jude at Wally’s birthday. A lot of things happen that day. A LOT. And most of them were very, very unpleasant. Causing Jude to hate Wally for the rest of his life, leaving him with a trauma so big he needs professional help in order to get a grip on his life and himself again.

Then, after fifteen years, they meet again. Unexpectedly Jude is forced to deal with his nemesis from his teenage years. Wally goes by Walt now, and has changed into one of the most beautiful men Jude ever saw. Of course he has. I enjoyed their first encounters and that has a lot to do with the perfect dialogues this author writes. I’m a sucker for real life, natural dialogues, and I discovered Darien Cox does that really, really well.
Eventually Walt seeks redemption. He asks for forgiveness, explains Jude why things happened the way they did, and it’s not that Jude is able to forgive him in a whim, it takes time, but when it happens, it feels natural. Legit. Walt seems sincere, and when he reveals his own feelings to Jude, both as the teenager he was back then, and as the adult he is now, I couldn’t help but cheer for them, wanting them to find happiness together.

Shea is a beautiful character as well. He’s Walt’s younger brother and I loved him too.
I loved the way the story unfolded with Jude meeting Shea, the feeling of belonging Shea had when he sees Jude, all leading back to the events on Wally’s birthday.

The book didn’t feel angsty either, despite the awful childhood both brothers had and the glimpses we see of that. There were times Walt couldn’t handle his problems very well, but most of the times he was a funny, sweet and caring man, who only wanted what was best for the man he was in love with.
Together they were perfect, they were meant to be, their longing and need palpable on every single page. I loved them!!

This is one of those books that surprised me in such a good way, it went straight up to my all time favorites shelf. I’m sure I will re-read this again. I immediately clicked with this author’s writing, the pacing of the story is perfect, the setting, the background story…I couldn’t tell one single thing I didn’t like.
“I saw you first” is an unforgettable read, with characters that will stay with me for some time, and it’s a shame it isn’t recommended more!
I will definitely be checking out more books by Darien Cox.

Highly recommended!!