You deserve to stop suffering because of what other people have done to you. Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of unresolved pain, playing offenses over and over in your mind? You know you can’t go on like this, but you don’t know what to do next. Lysa TerKeurst has wrestled through this journey. But in surprising ways, she’s discovered how to let go of bound-up resentment and overcome the … overcome the resistance to forgiving people who aren’t willing to make things right.
With deep empathy, therapeutic insight, and rich Bible teaching coming out of more than 1,000 hours of theological study, Lysa will help you:
- Learn how to move on when the other person refuses to change and never says they’re sorry.
- Walk through a step-by-step process to free yourself from the hurt of your past and feel less offended today.
- Discover what the Bible really says about forgiveness and the peace that comes from living it out right now.
- Identify what’s stealing trust and vulnerability from your relationships so you can believe there is still good ahead.
- Disempower the triggers hijacking your emotions by embracing the two necessary parts of forgiveness.
more
I picked up this book after several weeks of having it pop up in conversation, online, and during my daily God time. I took the hint and bought the book. I didn’t really think I have much unforgiveness in my life, but I was willing to read this anyway.
I was sort of right — I’d worked through part of my forgiveness issues, but the more I read, the more I realized how influenced I am by so many buried hurts and unaddressed issues. My experiences are nothing as extreme as TerKeurst’s, but I could still see how I wasn’t believing God because of some wrong perceptions I discovered while reading this book.
I can already think of a dozen people I’d like to give this book to in hopes that they could see some still-sore areas of hurt in their lives, but I’m not sure it’s such a good idea to encourage people to dig up pain if they aren’t ready to deal with it yet. I was in a place where I needed to read this, and I’m glad I did. I will prayerfully consider sending it to anyone else, as I wouldn’t want them to rehash their past if they aren’t ready to do the work of forgiveness (because I realize now that it can take a while).
What I especially like about this book is that TerKeurst wrote it after years of counseling and biblical study. This isn’t her interpretation or experience — it’s based on successful coping methods she learned in therapy as well as spiritual guidance from her ministry’s Bible scholar. She bases everything in Scripture, so you know it will apply to all situations, not just hers.
I highly recommend this book to pretty much everyone, but I would also highly recommend that you not pick it up until the Lord leads you to.
This is a great book dealing with a difficult topic. We’re to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us. This can be such a hard thing to do!!! This book helps by showing us that forgiveness is a process, and that we really don’t do it for the other person, we do it for ourselves. One of my favorite sentences in this book is: maybe it’s not what God is working ON but how God is working IN us that matters most of all. And, another: God’s faithfulness isn’t demonstrated by His activity aligning with your prayers. It’s your prayers aligning with His faithfulness and His will where you become more and more assured of His activity. Forgiveness is something we need to be doing every day.
I can’t think of anything I did not like about this! Just like always, Lysa seems to be a friend across the kitchen table, and she speaks things that just resonate with my heart.
“I’m not asking you to sign up for forgiveness. Not yet. I couldn’t start there, so I won’t ask you to either. All I’m asking is that you’d be willing to consider taking power away from the person who hurt you.” (p. 29)
Lysa mixes heartbreaking personal stories, convicting Bible truths, and practical exercises and quotes to hold on to. And she mixed it all with sweet grace breathing out of every word, no condemnation or judging. Lysa has been there, so she embraced us with our pain and bitterness, too.
I especially loved the exercises by her Christian counselor Jim. I will be using this book over and over not only in continuing the process of forgiveness for things in my past but also for upcoming hurts. I love how she encourages us to make forgiveness and confession a daily thing like Jesus meant it to be in the Lord’s Prayer.
Favorite quotes:
“…never confuse redemption with reunion. Reunion, or reconciliation, requires two people who are willing to do the hard work to come back together. Redemption is just between you and God.” (p. 9)
“Those who cooperate most fully with forgiveness are those who dance most freely in the beauty of redemption.” (p. 9)
“Others didn’t really have epic hard things, but anything painful that we keep revisiting in our thoughts over and over again is worth addressing. Sometimes things just collect” (p. 14). This was me.
“God’s Word offers forgiveness with skin on. Sinless Jesus.” (p. 18)
“Forgiveness is a command. But it is not cruel. It is God’s divine mercy for human hearts that are so prone to turn hurt into hate.” (p. 18)
“…evil is arrested, heaven touches earth… forgiveness is the greatest evidence that the Truth of God lives in us.” (p. 24)
“And all the people around me who didn’t deserve to catch the brunt of my chaos felt the completely unsettled state of my heart.” (p. 28)
“I had to separate my healing from their choices. My ability to heal cannot depend on anyone’s choices but my own.” (p. 38)
“The secret is, we can help each other remember who we really are. But we can’t fix each other. We can’t control each other. We can’t keep each other healthy.” (p. 79)
“Whole, healthy people are capable of giving and receiving love. Giving and receiving forgiveness. Giving and receiving hope. Giving and receiving constructive feedback. Giving and receiving life lessons tucked within the harder things we’ve been through. We have to get to the place where the pain we’ve experienced is a gateway … [not] a brick wall …” (p. 92)
“It truly is one of the most heartbreaking moments of anyone’s life when they have to release a loved one to the consequences of their own choices. But it’s also the only chance that either of you has to get any better.” (p. 124)
“I want them saved, but I am not their Savior … So, I shift from efforts of control to efforts of compassion.” (p. 126)
“I can’t always immediately determine exactly what I’m feeling. It’s either an up feeling or a down feeling, but exactly what I’m feeling is hard to identify. And even when I figure out from all the available emotions which one I’m feeling, then I have to work to figure out the right issue to attach as the cause.” (p. 142) Me, too!
“What makes faith fall apart isn’t doubt. It’s becoming too certain of the wrong things.” (p. 146)
“In the words of my counselor Jim Cress, ‘Hope is the melody of the future. Faith is dancing to that melody right now.’” (p. 150)
“He [Jesus in John 16:20-22] didn’t promise their grief would be taken away and replaced with joy. He promised the grief would turn into joy. The grief would produce the joy. The grief was a part of the journey.” (p. 153)
“We see destruction. God sees construction.” (p. 163)
“Bitterness doesn’t just want to room with you; it wants to completely consume everything about you.” (p. 174)
“Usually the bitter heart is the heart with the greatest ability to love deeply. But when you love deeply, you are at the greatest risk of being hurt deeply. And when that deep hurt comes, it seems to cage the love that once ran wild and free. Caged love often has a bitter cry.” (p. 178)
“What if bitterness is actually a seed of beautiful potential not yet planted in the rich soil of forgiveness?” (p. 184)
“I really wish it was called ‘the prodigal sons.’ Both were rebellious. One was just more obvious than the other. One was wayward. The other resentful. But it was the one with resentment who wound up being most resistant to the father in the end.” (p. 194)
“Bitterness is a bad deal that makes big promises on the front end but delivers nothing you really want on the back end … Turning my heart over to bitterness is turning away from God.” (p. 195)
“He [Jesus] wasn’t teaching it so we’d just apply it to all the big heartbreaks and hurts of our lives. He meant it as a daily practice.” (p. 208)
“’As it is more blessed to give than to receive, so to forgive rises a stage higher in experience than to be forgiven.’” (quoting Charles Spurgeon on p. 226)
I received a copy for free as a Proverbs31 volunteer. I was not compensated for this review. All opinions are my own, as was the decision to write this review.)