The secrets, lies, and layers of deception about Diane Dewey’s origins were meant for her protection—but eventually, they imploded. Living with her family in suburban Philadelphia, Diane had grown up knowing she was born in Stuttgart and adopted at age one from an orphanage. She’d been told her biological parents were dead. Then, in 2002, when she was forty-seven years old, Diane got a letter … from Switzerland: her biological father, Otto, wanted to bring her into his life. With that, her world shifted on its axis.
In the months that ensued, everybody had a different story to tell about Diane’s origins, including Otto when they met in New York City. She struggled to understand what was at stake with the lies. Like a private eye, she sifted through competing versions of the truth only to find that, having traveled throughout Europe and back, identity is a state of mind. As more information surfaced, the myths gave way to a certain elusive peace; Diane discovered a tribe in her mother’s family, found a Swiss husband, gained a voice, and, for the first time, began to trust in the intuition that had nudged her all along. One-part forensic investigation, one-part self-discovery, Fixing the Fates is a story about seeing behind artifice and living one’s truth.
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Great memoir about the lifelong efforts of a woman adopted in the 50s who wants to know and understand her birth mother and father. This era is marked by the belief that secrecy allows the adoptive family to bond. As she slowly moves to break apart the secrecy we understand the effects of all the choices made on the writer. We follow the effects of reunion on all the parties and grow with this individual into the present. Amazing journey of discovery and self-understanding.
An adopted daughter who always thought her biological parents were dead. The dad was not, contacted her but took forever to finally meet her. Of course, she had unresolved issues from it. Had always thought her biological mom did not want her, but when met biological family they told her she had wanted to keep her.
The book a little slow at times and her biological dad was whiney at times.
Sounded all to true. Had to keep reading to see if she found her mother.
It was interesting occasionally dragged.
Memoir of what an adopted child feels, when parents hide information concerning biological parents.
Part of the problem I had with this book is that it was none of the above descriptions. The author was, frankly, hard to like and the beginning was so filled with self-indulgent psycho-babble about all the identity issues that adoptees face, I had to flip through those pages. Then the portion of exposing all her father’s lies. Sorry, my sympathies went to her biol. father. After so many decades, we all tend to reshape our memories unconsciously, give the poor man a break. In an age where men ran out on pg girlfriends, he did more than most and then tried to have a relationship w his unknown daughter. I wondered if he regretted that decision w all the issues she threw back at him. And in adoption cases – everybody lies.
Her inner turmoil about hidden secrets about adoption and the emotional baggage that affect the child. It was a difficult read about her own inner conflicts.
It was a little wordy, but very interesting of adoptions of its time from all points of view, including the secrecy that was common at the time.
While I enjoyed reading this book, especially having a sister and granddaughter who is adopted, I felt that the author spent too much time analyzing her thoughts throughout the entire first half of the book. I kept waiting for her search to be revealed and almost gave up on the book because it took so long to get there. Thank goodness I read the book with a Kindle app as I’ve never had to use the “dictionary” to look up words like I did in reading this book. I consider myself to have a fairly good vocabulary, but the author used hundreds of uncommon words that had to be looked up, such as the word elegiac (just one example). The book might be more helpful to other adoptee’s in dealing with their own feelings or searches for birth parents if it were condensed. Unfortunately, one has to have a lot of patience to get through the entire book.
She got the letter that someone was looking for her? One of her parents that abandoned her as a one year old? She responded. Now we’re waiting for the next event re her adoption. When and what that next event was, I don’t know. Because she droned on and on and on. I finally quite caring.
This book should have been a short story, at most. Plodding
Had a hard time getting into the story. Can’t tecommend.
I read many books. I found it a difficult read because there were many words I didn’t fully understand. Being this was written by a counselor to adoptees, I was not familiar with some of the vocabulary. Having said that, I still persevered to finish it. My brother was adopted from a German (Frankfurt) orphanage in 1959 at the age of 9 months. His physical needs were taken care of—that’s the best I can say. He could roll over, but not even sit up. Nonetheless he is my brother, even though we are not close. Knowing the importance of emotional bonding during the first 6 to 9 months of life, I see clearly how emotional bonding is so difficult for him.
Boring, boring, boring
This is a true story written by a woman who was searching for the truth about who her parents were. The author is reflective and insightful. For some, it might seem too slow, but for me, that was one of the reasons I appreciated it. The slowness of the narrative reflected the slowness with which the author uncovered one clue after another, working with people who did not want her to know the truth.
Interesting book about discovering your roots and uncovering family secrets and lies
I love memoirs. This one was fairly far-fetched but a very interesting read!
I’m not an orphan but have several friends who were lied to all their lives about their parentage. Their overall reaction to finding out the truth can be summed up in one word: outrage. They have been denied the most basic of information to answer the question: who am I? To those who know who their parents are, that’s no big deal: now that you know, just move on; you can’t change it and the truth will set you free. Not. Not even close,
Follow Diane as she wrangles with that anger and tries to love the father she reunites with;her mother is dead. Her driving force is : who was my mother? why did she abandon me? It’s a tough and tearful journey. I gave it 4 stars only because the amount of detail repeated over and over again got in the way: instead of empathy, at times I felt like: oh no, not that issue again.
Yet this a worthy read.
Fixing the Fates is beautifully written memoir that delves into deep questions about identity, attachment, family, and love. Dewey is an adoptee who has longed to find out about her biological parents their family roots. When her biological father reaches out her in her late 40s, she embarks on a journey of discovery, connection, betrayal and resolution. Dewey’s prose is artful, vividly descriptive, and emotionally evocative. She has a remarkable ability to honestly account for complicated psychological realities in a way that allows the reader to feel the anger, anxiety, and joys she experiences along the way. Five heartfelt stars for this one!