Fetish Girl is a kinky roller coaster ride through addiction, violence, motherhood, sex, and the creation of Evil Kitty, Bella LaVey’s larger-than-life dominatrix persona. It is a singular memoir that shows that a heavily tatted BDSM sex worker can be courageous enough to come to terms with her painful truths and raise a healthy, loving child, even as she remains boldly sexual and authentic. It’s … authentic. It’s the story of a woman attracted to extremes who is willing to go to great lengths to uncover and make peace with her true nature.
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Fetish Girl: A Memoir of Sex, Domination, and Motherhood by Bella LaVey and narrated by Paige Turner is a book about finding oneself, learning to be content and heal despite your upbringings, and life lessons. Bella has lived an interesting life, that’s for sure. This book may inspire you to explore your own sexual desires or go out and do something society considers naughty…
You will hear about a variety of situations in her life, some of which you may be able to relate to, some that you may not. Some examples (a small amount): living through a hurricane, sex work (ample amount of client stories, strip club, the power, …), lines being crossed at work, how to find a balance between being a parent and needing time to yourself, abuse she suffered from her mother and in romantic relationships, how living in fantasy is better than reality some days, Aphrodite award, self-care, boosters and runners, drug use, questions all parents asks themselves at some point, the trials of labor, how we try to make it better for the next generation but it’s not always easy if we don’t deal with our own past traumas, loss, mantras, to maintain or not to maintain a relationship with your parents, meeting with detective Robert Keppel, her life as an investigator and college student, the science behind pain and pleasure, what happens when you don’t have a BDSM contract, collaring ceremony, trips to Amsterdam and other countries, toxic relationships with men and women, internet adventures, wrestling experiences, and plenty more.
One of my favorite things she says in the book: “People tend to have one of two reactions to strippers. The first is fear and aversion since they are afraid to look at the broken parts or repressed sides of themselves. They don’t want to be confronted with the mirror we hold up, it’s painful, and scary, and hard. It’s easier to judge and condemn than to inquire into the source of ones discomfort…Other folks react with fascination.”
The narrator, Paige Turner, did a great job with this one. She has an easy to listen/soothing to voice. There was one time when I heard a page flipping, but otherwise, it was all good. I would listen to another book by her.
Overall it’s an intriguing, sometimes entertaining and humorous, sometimes heartbreaking, look at her life. Despite this, I can’t help but feel there’s something missing. The beginning pulled me in, but as the book went on, I found I didn’t “have” to listen. At times, I found it difficult to connect even though we share some similar life experiences. Maybe it’s because some subjects only touched the surface and left me wanting a little more. Or maybe it was because her actions contradicted her words repeatedly. Or maybe it’s just me. Whatever it may be, I still recommend the book. This would be a good one for an adult book club as there are many subjects/underlying themes that could be discussed. It’s not a book for those who are prude or can’t think outside of society’s “normal” standard when it comes to living and sex.
Parental advisory/trigger warnings: sex work (lots of stories about her with clients- sometimes they read like erotica), sexual experiences (exploring what she likes/wants- BDSM), absentee father of her child, Hurricane Iniki, religions mentioned (Hindu, Christianity, Pagan), death, suicide talk (family members), swearing off and on throughout (not excessive imo), branding, drugs, parents abusing their children (mother specifically, but actual details are minimal), death, stroke, Ted Bundy and Green River Killer mention, affairs with married men, foster system, bipolar romantic partner, dyslexia, Dalai Lama mention, The Jenny Jones Show, abusive romantic relationships (guns involved, physical abuse, child witnessing the abuse), abortion, cancer. Possibly more I’m forgetting.
*I was given a free review copy of the audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review. Thank you for allowing me to listen and review the book!
Reading this Memoir was an exercise in exorbitant fascination and curiosity. The blurb hooked me and when I received the book to begin the story I felt absorbed in the wild, often scary, and always brutally honest tale of this woman’s life as a sex worker and as a mother. To me, her story is one of survival amidst her own fascination of sex – how sex is used to feel both empowered and how it can be used to destroy. In addition to this fascination it’s a candid portrayal of wanting to live a full, free life in a world where we’re so easily judged and criticized for not falling into the “normal” way of doing things. It’s about abounding love and abysmal self-doubt. It’s about the selfish decisions made that aren’t the right decisions or the most agreeable ones yet the lessons learned and growth from those decisions and the consequences faced in those decisions that help to move us forward in life. And I didn’t agree with this author’s decisions in her life, in fact at times I was scared straight because of reading them, but I respect and admire her courage and honesty in putting those down on paper and making herself vulnerable to her own demons and the demons that will arise from telling her story. And, like I said, to see this life lived, so vastly different from my own or even my own perspective was an intriguing read. This book was unlike anything I’ve read or expected and I found it brave, enlightening, and honest.
I DNF this book. Got to page 90 and stopped. It was terribly hard to follow. Back and forth with no clear definition of time. One moment she is in High School the next Lamaze class, then meeting her baby daddy then back in Lamaze. Very wordy. I’m sure the story would have been great for those who could follow, but it lost me with all the time jumps, different characters and obstacles.