Two enemies cursed to feel each other’s pain.
Zane. “I will burn your life to the ground.”Roach. “I’m a cockroach. I’ll survive.”Two years ago, the Rabid Hyenas MC ripped Zane apart like a pack of starving wolves. But he’s not only a survivor, he took revenge that same night.Turns out, one of the bikers is still alive, and as long as that’s the case, Zane will not know peace. Especially since … and as long as that’s the case, Zane will not know peace. Especially since Roach is the dirtbag who caused all the mayhem in the first place.
When an act of revenge meant to close that chapter of Zane’s life takes a shocking turn, all hell breaks loose.
Roach’s pain is his.
When Roach bleeds, he does.
When Zane suffers, Roach screams.
So until Zane can figure out how to lift the curse and kill Roach, he’s stuck caring for the dumbass who drinks too much, works like a dog, and hasn’t moved on an inch since he lost his motorcycle club.
But Roach has other plans for the man twisting his miserable life around. For him, Zane is hope, lust, and love combined, so Roach will gladly stay bound to him forever.
Even if it kills them.
Dirty, dark, and delicious, “Feel My Pain” is a gritty M/M dark romance novel with magical elements and a happy ending. Prepare for violence, intense jealousy, and scorching hot, emotional, explicit scenes.
POSSIBLE SPOILERS:
Themes: Enemies to lovers, forced proximity, magical bond, revenge, poverty, disability, small town, vulnerability, versatile lovers
Length: ~110,000 words (Standalone novel)
WARNING: This story contains scenes of violence, offensive language and morally ambiguous characters as well as sensitive topics of child abuse, addiction, and suicide
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Perfect – absolutely loved this book and Zane and Roach!!
It’s going on my All Time Favourite Shelf
Trigger Warning: This story contains scenes of violence, offensive language and morally ambiguous characters as well as sensitive topics of child abuse, addiction, and suicide.
Having read the blurbs on both books 1 and 2, I was curious about both but was MUCH more intrigued by book 2. So I started with book 2. I loved it, now it’s time to eat my vegetables.
As I sort of intuited, book 1 features two characters that are harder to love than the characters in book 2. Reed, (known by almost everyone as Roach) is a bit of a doormat. He’s a survivor of child abuse. At the beginning of the book he’s really the human equivalent of the Omega-dog of the Rabid Hyenas Motorcycle club. His dad fathered him on a woman who’s long dead and is nameless throughout the book. His dad and older brother delight in tormenting him, and Roach is gay but deeply closeted. Roach’s early experiences with sex were m/m, painful, and strictly non-consensual.
When he’s discovered fooling around with the stranger Zane, one night, he panics. He throws Zane under the bus, accusing the man of trying to steal his wallet and coming on to him. He disappears leaving Zane to his fate.
With a bit of magical assistance, Zane survives the ensuing beating and sets fire to the gang’s clubhouse, killing the entire gang with the exception of Roach. Flash forward two years and Zane is back, mostly recovered and looking to finish the job.
This book proves (in more ways than one) that you can’t really hate someone as easily when you understand their viewpoint. For that concept alone this book is worth the reading.
Neither man is all that likable. In real life I’d probably devote less time getting to know these two guys than I did in this book. Perhaps that’s an aspect of their “curse” as well. It’s clear by the end that Reed(Roach) is really a decent guy who’s been badly damaged by his upbringing. By the end he deserves the name Reed, though his behavior in the beginning is fully Roach-like.
Many critics will find the physically attractive Zane even harder to like. His dyscalculia may well be at the root of his problems, but he’s clearly a mercurial character, driven primarily by fear, anger, and a quick temper. This, combined with his ability to use his looks to charm strangers, makes him pretty insufferable throughout much of the book.
Personally, I’m a bit of a lazy reader who dislikes spending time with difficult characters and would probably not have finished this one if I hadn’t felt a bit obligated by having agreed to review this. But I’m glad that I did stick with it. This is probably not a book that I’ll re-read as I do so many of the books that I enjoy, but the author accomplished their goal here.
By the end you really have a “walked a mile” in each of these guys shoes. Though you may not really like them, you understand them a bit, and are willing to accept some of their less attractive qualities. That alone makes it worth reading once. But now I am curious… I’ve discovered that there’s an audiobook version of this narrated by the boyishly charming Kirt Graves. I can’t imagine him narrating this, so I may just have to check it out.
***Note: I received a free copy of this but this is an honest and impartial review.***
“Because you’re my daily bread, my PBJ.”
What a story! This is my second read of K. A. Merikan and I adore her characters. Roach and Zane are an unlikely pair, but they fit together perfectly. The vibe hits you from the beginning, suspense and tension. A chilling energy of what is to come. Magic! My heart broke for these men and I spent half the book, trying to WILL them some peace. Dark and gritty. Perfect.
I received this book as an ARC in exchange for my honest review, and it gave me ALL the feels!
I was annoyed.
I rolled my eyes.
I got *warm fuzzies*.
I felt apprehension.
I laughed.
I was heartbroken.
And, I actually cried.
Zane is…a complicated character. He is all over the damn place in this story! Yet, even before finding out why he is this whirlwind of chaos, IF there even is a why, Roach can’t help but to fall for his crazy ass. And Roach, though no prince charming or knight on a white horse himself, just pulls at every string your heart has attached.
These two are the oddest, strangest, most difficult couple you’d think could find a way to work – especially given the foundation everything about their circumstance is built on. Yet, it worked. It actually worked and came together in the most brutal way love could find!
There are some seriously dark things going on in the story, so if you’re light of heart or have triggers – beware. With that said, it’s these kind of stories and the characters that drag themselves out of situations with nails bleeding and hearts shredded that truly give you hope, and allow you to feel the depths that love can reach.
Thank you KA Merikan for shredding my heart, just to sew it back together again! ^_^
All it took was one night for Roach and Zane’s lives to be fused together. One night of lust, desire, and betrayal that lead to unimaginable consequences.
Roach is a man who’s entire life has been defined by the abuse his sadistic father has rained down on him. He’s stuck in a motorcycle club, hiding his attraction to men, just trying to survive the pain his own family inflicts on him daily. Then one evening, Zane appears, the most beautiful and intriguing man Roach has ever seen. Zane is magnetic, irreverent, and seductive. He’s everything Roach has ever wanted. But Zane is hiding his own demons, and soon things fall apart between Roach and Zane before they ever really start. The aftermath of this has consequences which leave Zane a bitter, rageful shell of himself, and Roach a broken husk.
Two years later Zane is back, and although his physical injuries have healed, the anger and pain he holds inside hasn’t lessened. His only goal is to kill Roach, the last surviving member of the motorcycle club that destroyed his world. But things aren’t what they appear to be; Zane and Roach are bond together by unknown forces. When Zane cuts Roach, Zane’s own flesh bleeds. They feel what each other feels. They feel each other’s pain.
This is a book that makes no excuses and pulls no punches. These are not nice men. They are rough, harden, and battered by life. They lash out and hurt each other and themselves. They break the law and don’t care. The content warning in the book summary is extremely accurate. A lot of bad things happen in this book, and it’s not sugarcoated. But even with all the angst and grit, there’s still a beautiful development of the relationship between Roach and Zane. This is a true enemies-to-lovers with some of the hottest and most intense hate sex I’ve ever read. These men clash, but they can’t get away from each other—the magical bond forces them together at first, but it’s their hearts that keep them together. Zane starts off this journey with revenge in his blood, but throughout the book, that need for revenge turns into acceptance, forgiveness, and soon redemption. Even though it can be hard to like these characters at times, they still have prove that they have parts of themselves that are pure and lovely.
The audiobook was narrated by Kirt Graves, who was the perfect choice. The range of vocal tones that Kirt can do really enhanced the story. He truly did vocally embody these characters and the energy and passion that went into his performance made the story gripping. I found it very easy to follow along with the story and was able to tell which characters were talking just by their voices. There were no production issues with the audiobook. Overall, it was a really enjoyable listening experiences.
My first thoughts on this book? Holy. Shit.
Feel My Pain isn’t my first K.A. Merikan experience and it most definitely won’t be my last. Kat and Agnes are an incredible team of authors who really know how to bring that heartwrenching, angst-riddled pain to their readers/listeners. Gritty, dark, and demented are just a few words I would use to lovingly describe their style. Their writing is just what I need whenever my heart needs to bleed for a while. And, I’m happy to report, Feel My Pain fits that bill beautifully.
This book tells the story of how two incredibly broken men come together to find their own twisted version of love. It started as a quick hook-up where Roach, a Rabid Hyena MC member, gives some spectacular head to sinfully sexy Zane, a musician who came to open mic night at their bar. That hook-up turned into a chanced pickpocketing attempt that goes wrong, leaving Roach beyond pissed and Zane at the mercy of the Rabid Hyenas when Roach tosses him to his pack and walks away.
Two years later, after Zane burned the MC bar to the ground with everyone inside, he’s back in Grit, Ohio. He’s only there to make a little money before moving on as soon as possible. Zane doesn’t want to spend any more time than necessary in a town where the worst torture he’d ever faced happened to him. Unfortunately for Zane though, while playing on stage, he spots the one Rabid Hyena who caused the shit show of pain that still haunts him.
Roach is there working as a bouncer at the door. He’s shocked as hell to see Zane there playing on the stage but can’t deny the desire burning within for another taste of the musician. So, when Zane comes to him asking about a repeat performance, Roach readily agrees. He doesn’t know that Zane plans to snuff him out as soon as they are alone. Zane only has one goal in mind, kill the last asshole who caused him so much pain that way he can move on. But, things don’t go as planned.
The pair discover they’re linked together by something neither can explain. When one is hurt the other feels the pain. When one bleeds, so does the other. They are linked by some sort of dark magic making it impossible for Zane to take his revenge. So, they pursue ways to break the curse which will give them back their freedom and let Zane finish what he started.
What neither of them expected was to fall into a twisted loved. There is so much toxicity laced throughout their relationship. Zane constantly threatens to take his revenge on Roach. The Rabid Hyena isn’t concerned though. His life has been shit up to this point, what’s one more thing to on top of it all? But, it soon becomes obvious Zane won’t be able to put out Roachy’s light.
This was a fantastically difficult book to listen too. Kirt Graves did such a great job of giving these characters even more depth with his wonderful voice. That’s saying a lot because both Zane and Roach had a LOT going on for them when it came to character development. Each had their own faults, tragic pasts, horrible memories, haunting experiences, and Kirt’s performance really highlighted every gritty aspect.
I loved that the characters were so flawed. Zane’s number issue was a really nice touch because it really made me think. I mean, how many people suffer from something like this and never tell anyone? Or how many people figure out ways to cope with problems like this? I’ve known people who were illiterate, so it was great to see someone with a similar problem. The authors just went that little bit further to make their characters seem like real, though messed up, people with real problems.
I loved that both Zane and Roach had this sweet, loving side that was hidden behind layers of absolute horror. I like a book that keeps me guessing and, with these two characters, I never knew what to expect. Were they going to be loving and sweet to each other? Was Zane going to torment Roach with sex toys? Was Roach going to punch out some rando Zane planned to sleep with? Who knows?
Oh, and don’t even get me started on the smoking hot, drench-your-panties sex scenes. Holy hell, they were well-written scenes that hit the spot if you know what I mean. They were so good and I’m not sure why I was so surprised because I’ve read K.A. Merikan books before and found the stupid hot. Surely I can’t be the only one that finds their sexy scenes that hot?
I would highly recommend this book to anyone looking for a dark and gritty mm romance. There is so much going for this book I can’t even begin to highlight the best parts. Just be warned that there’s a lot in the book that could be triggering for people. Things like mentions of abortion, suicide and suicide attempts, torture, mentions of rape, sexual abuse, and other things of that nature. It’s a hard pill to swallow if dark novels aren’t your thing. But, if you can handle it definitely check this out!
This is a dark, gritty but absolutely riveting and original enemies-to-lovers romance. The forced proximity angle is written in such a way that it is deliciously intense, even a little evil. Zane and Roach have both had their share of pain and tragedy and make for a very unlikely match, and even though the heat is scorching, there’s nothing easy about the road to a deep emotional connection.
Roach is the one that tugged on my heartstrings the most. He’s so needy and desperate for warmth and affection, I was amazed at how willing he is to love and make himself vulnerable to Zane. Especially, with how much he gets kicked down and treated awfully by nearly everyone in his life. He’s no angel, but he carries so much pain within him that you can’t help but root for him and want so much more for him than what life has given him.
Zane is more of an enigma and it takes a while to warm up to him, because of the secret hiding in his past. He seems cruel and prickly, but he’s so vulnerable too and such an intriguing character. Both the aggressor and the victim. He’s much more of a mystery than Roach and has walls around the walls around his heart. When they drop, you’ll fall. Hard. Same as Roach.
Feel My Pain by KA Merikan is a n m/m dark romance with a touch of paranormal mixed in. There is a true enemies to lovers theme here, and its definitely not the typical love story. There are strong elements of violence, abuse, toxicity on this story…and moments of emotion, steam and even a touch of gentle. Roach was a bit of sweet and innocence n a gritty package and I liked him. Zane is one of those characters were I am still not sure about. There are reasons to feel for him, but then he did something that just made me want to punch him. But there is a growth in him, a change… maybe not as much as some would want in their characters but his connection with Roach was going some magic.
Kirt Graves narrates this story and does a great job bringing the characters’ emotions and personalities out. Clear and smooth recording and voicework.
If you’ve ever read any of KA Merikan’s books, you already know what to expect. Be forewarned, you will be angry, curse and shout but I could not look away.
From the moment you turn the pages, the angst between Roach and Zane erupts. These two are not your run of the mill Cinderfella story, but did we expect it to be?
Dark, hot than hot sexy, grit, and pain ten times over. Roach (biker) and Zane (aspiring musician) had an interesting relationship. The enemies – to – lovers angle was quickly leaning to one side. The ongoing heartbreak and inability to really move on created havoc among these two.
Filled with emotional distress, past physical abuse, addiction and substance abuse to a name a few. This is not a light read at all.
Two cursed enemies indeed. Buckle up and get ready to ride!
**I received a copy of ARC for my honest review.**
Two enemies. One revenge plot. One twist that makes the revenge impossible. Zane hates Roach. He has since that fateful night. Roach lost his family that same night. The story is pretty dark, awfully steamy, tender at times and full of magic. The MCs are so damaged, so much hurt and pain but still find their way out. There’s that light at the end of the tunnel that leaves the reader with good feelings. Good book!