Innocence marked her… sees right to the heart of her and she is unable to ward off emotions that have been deeply buried. With the sting of betrayal still fresh in her soul, she’s surprised to find herself opening up to the honest integrity of the sharp-eyed, rough-looking biker.
When he lost everyone who mattered, he was left without roots and learned to be content simply living in the moment. Completely unprepared for the feisty blonde bartender with old pain marring her clear-blue eyes, he questions his own rules of detachment, as she unwittingly finds a way under his skin.
Appearances deceive and when the masks fall away, revealing deep, dark secrets, there is nothing left but to hang onto each other and survive the storm.
more
I received an e-copy of this story for an honest review.
Being a Survivor of childhood, and spousal, abuse, this book touched me in so many different ways. The myriad of “Feels” that I went through ranged from anger to empathy to sympathy. There were times when I would have to stop, curl up in bed and cry. Then, there were times when I would cheer for Viv’s courage and strength. And, while I never got the kind of therapy that Viv did, I was happy to see that Ms. Barker included parts of Viv’s therapy in the story. Ms. Barker did an excellent job of conveying the emotions and feelings of an abused person, and the struggle of getting through it to become a better, stronger person.
Once in a while an author comes along and not only writes beautiful books, she touches the heart of the reader and forces them to think about issues that often times are hidden. Freya Barker is just such an author. I have read everything by this author and the variety of emotions that her books bring out in a reader is phenomenal. Her Cedar Tree series is suspenseful, sexy, and laced with humor. However, the Portland ME series tackles more issues that make people uncomfortable to talk about. The latest entry into the series is Cruel Water and layers she peels away in her characters make it a must read.
Viv is a returning character from the first book in the series, From Dust, also one of my favorite, angsty reads. Viv appears to be a no nonsense, tough woman, but she has gone through her fair share of hell at the hands of her ex and another man from her past. Deciding to forgo dating after leaving her abusive ex, she is blindsided by her first meeting with a grey-eyed mystery man. Both Viv and Ike are drawn to each other and think that their one-night stand is all their future holds. They are both mistaken, as Fate appears to have a different plan.
Ike is a wonderful, guilt-ridden man, but he is just the man Viv needs to face her future. He is a man that will stand beside her and have her back but allow her to fight her own battles, giving her the support she needs. He tries to fight his attraction to Viv, finding it extremely difficult. He has no problem jumping in to help her in a time of crisis and help her through the difficult times Viv faces.
Viv has fought hard to get to the point in her life, however, she exists rather than truly lives. Her family at The Skipper and her therapist/friend Pam support her and give her a true sense of belonging that she hasn’t had since childhood. She tries to resist her pull to Ike but finds that their attraction is too strong. She realizes he is different than her brothers and Gunnar, who have always jumped into fight her battles for her. Ike supports her fight but doesn’t interfere.
The family experience that Viv grew up with, is far different than the perfect family that her brothers and mother fondly remember. Thinking her change in behavior in her teen years was just rebellion, when the true reason for her change is revealed it rocks the family to the core. When her father is stricken by a stroke, the control that she tried to have in her life is eroded. She never confided the reasons she pulled away from her family, even before she was with her abusive ex. Secrets unfold, family loyalties are dived, relationships are tested but through it all Viv is a survivor.
Ms. Barker hits a lot of socially emotional issues in this book, domestic abuse, dealing with aging parents, sexual abuse, family, and guilt. Both Viv and Ike carry a lot of guilt but once they share burdens with each other, their lives become more manageable. While I love all of the characters, the take no crap, Pam is probably my favorite. Who else can thump an ex-Navy vet on a bike because she thinks he’s being an idiot? The writing is tight and flows well, I found myself looking for more story at the end. Ms. Barker’s characters are the type that you draw into your heart and hold there and the sex scenes are inspired. I will never walk into a bar and look at a wooden bar the same way ever again. Here’s hoping to another visit to Portland soon to check up on the regulars and get a new story.
Favorite Quotes:
“‘Red Sox game on Owen’s sixty-inch tiny dick compensation.’ That earns him a slap to the back of the head. I swear, my brothers, in their forties, are no different than they were as teenagers.”
“I don’t think anyone can make the mistake of thinking you’re not capable of looking after yourself, that’s not a question. The point is that those of us, whose knuckles still occasionally scrape the floor, like to take care of what they consider theirs.”
“I’m forty-two years old and have been allergic most of my adult life to anything resembling a relationship.”
“Don’t think for one second that I don’t realize exactly what I have in you. That I don’t know how lucky I am. A beautiful, strong woman, who knows how to stand on her own, yet trusts me enough to let me have her back.”
“Amazing how my brothers can’t find a pair of clean socks to save their lives, but put them in a strange house and they easily find the kitchen.”
My Review:
Engrossing, sensual, heartbreaking, emotive, evocative, eventful, dramatic, frighteningly accurate… these are just a few of the adjectives that flit through my addled mind while I contemplate this book and struggle to find the correct order of words to define my reading experience. Ms. Barker’s exceptional gift of realistic, nuanced, and intriguing characters strikes again. I adore these people and would love to know them.
I want an Ike of my own… he is just delicious, perfect, supportive, sensitive, insightful, strong, and a sexual dynamo. I held my breath for fear he was going to back away due to the “continuous cycle of drama that seems to follow me around” that Viv mentioned in an apology. The twisted family dynamic of Viv’s past and present was well portrayed and expertly erected. I had anticipated and feared for the hidden traumas that Viv had long been suppressing, and I really didn’t want to be right… I fretted that the reveal was going to be gut wrenching and overwhelming, yet it was handled so well and with such sensitivity, I was more in awe of Ms. Barker’s skill than anything else.
Freya Barker has been a recent discovery for me and has quickly become one of my favorite authors. She now resides on my must read/must have/will surely die without it list. And yes, I did just channel my inner teen diva… cougars are allowed to do that.
Freya Barker has done it again with an engaging, emotional and generally “un-put-downable” read! Cruel Water will put you through the wringer, but the anger and crumpled tissue pile are well worth it.
If you have read From Dust, you will remember Viv as the beautiful bartender at The Skipper who found Syd in the alley behind the pub and gave her a chance to get her life back on track. By all outer appearances, Viv is the epitome of self-sufficiency but she has painful past we can’t even begin to comprehend. The glimpse we received in From Dust only scratched the surface of the pain, loneliness and devastation she tries to hide from everyone.
Viv’s story broke my heart over and over again with each new revelation of the horrible things she endured over the past few decades. From the outside looking in, her family was the picture perfect group that others wanted to be a part of, but like most pictures of perfection, that facade crumbles when it is inspected too closely. Once Viv left home and her overbearing group of 4 brothers, she experienced a horrific marriage that broke her even more on both an emotional and physical level. Although she eventually found the strength to escape, she has never shared her experiences with her family and she doesn’t know where she falls on the scale of ‘victim’ to ‘survivor’ some days. She has let some of her friends in on a limited basis, but she has built steel walls around her heart to keep anyone from getting too close now.
Then one day a beautiful dark haired stranger sits at her bar, and for the first time in far too long, she actually FEELS something when she looks in those captivating grey eyes. With a painful guilt-ridden past of his own, Ike is a wanderer, but he has roots in Portland and he is finally starting to feel the urge to stick around one place for a change. He bought a house that has been renovated and is almost ready for him to move in, he has some acquaintances in the area like Skipper regular and softball team member Tim, and the gorgeous blonde bartender calls to him like a siren after just one night together – and he has absolutely no idea what to do with that. He can see that Viv is feeling the same pull but it scares the hell out of her, and after being warned off by several of her friends including Tim and Gunnar, he knows he has tread carefully but he is willing to take his chances.
I fell in love with Ike right alongside Viv. He is a natural protector and becomes a pillar of strength for her to lean on, but he never tries to take over her life or make decisions for her unless she absolutely needs him to step in. He stands back and lets her fight her own battles, but he is standing behind her both literally and figuratively the whole time ready to jump in if she needs him. He knows she has fought hard to be rid of overprotective and overbearing men in her life and values her hard won independence, and he respects that.
From the start of the book, events are set into motion that inevitably bring all of Viv’s secrets out into the open and the emotional overload threatens to finally completely break her, but Viv is made of stronger stuff than that. After so many years of denial and trying to push down the memories into a little box, the emotional release is overwhelming to say the least leading to a few scary moments for Viv and her friends as they try to figure out how to help her. Fortunately she has a wonderful support system in Ike, Syd, Gunnar and the Skipper family, and they prove that the family you choose is just as important (if not more so) than the family you are born into with their unquestioning acceptance of her revelations even as they hate those experiences for her. So many times I wanted to reach into the pages of my Kindle and either throat punch or shake one of her brothers or her mom until they came to their senses- UGH! Viv’s counselor friend and therapist Pam is an absolutely wonderful supporting character with just the right amount of straight talk, humor, attitude, and compassion to keep Viv rooted in reality and to help them all navigate the emotional minefield that has become Viv’s life.
Speaking of supporting characters, I have to say this book is filled with very well written characters who are not perfect, just perfectly flawed. They react in ways that may make you angry or annoyed, but those reactions are absolutely real. Denial is always easier than acceptance, and letting anger flow is a necessary step to reach acceptance for everyone involved no matter how much their initial reactions may hurt. As much as I wanted to smack her family, they had just come face to face with the reality that their history was being re-written in an unexpected and painful way, and where Viv has lived with years of that reality, they needed to work through that new knowledge in stages on their own.
If you haven’t read From Dust, you can absolutely read Cruel Water as a standalone. But if you love a book that will make you feel, definitely grab both of these wonderful novels and set aside some time to dive in because once you start reading, you won’t want to stop.
I am a huge Freya Barker fan so I was quick to pick this book up when given the chance. What I love most about the Portland, ME novels is that they are about the journey of taking your life back. We all have ups and downs but some downs are more than we can ever imagine. Viv is no exception to Freya’s heroines and she is so damn strong….
We were first introduced to Viv in From Dust and I liked her from the very beginning but it was clear that life wasn’t easy peasy for her. As Cruel Water starts to open up some of Viv’s past, you soon come to realize she is one very special lady. To everyone at the Skipper Viv seems to be in total control but in reality when she is alone or has time to think she is far fom control.
As many old wounds are reopened for Viv and she starts to fall apart a little bit, she turns to her rock Pam for help. Slowly she comes to realize that she has more support than she ever thought possible. Letting Ike in has been super hard for her, but for some reason she is drawn to him and even with everything that has happened he makes her feel safe. When all her secrets are finally out of the bag, Ike doesn’t run, no he does the complete opposite and holds her up and helps her find a new normal.
When Ike walked into the Skipper and saw her he knew he needed to get to know her. Drawn to her like bears to honey. The more he gets to know the more he wants to be there for her but… he worries he might not be the right man. Ike has some of his own demons to get past. Holding quilt can do that to a man.
Watching Viv and Ike open up and be there for each other, hold each other up is pretty emotional. These two beautiful people find a way to walk out of their past and only existing to making life what they want and living with gusto. Don’t get me wrong it isn’t perfect, but they have each other to help smooth out the wrinkles.
We have met some new people around the Skipper and I see some future possible heroines for more Portland, ME. Fingers crossed I am right. I strongly suggest you put this must read to your TBR!!!!
Thank you for another wonderful book that I know I will revisit Freya.