Books » Crave (Crave #1) | Tracy Wolff

Read an Excerpt

O

If You’re Not Living
on the Edge, You’re
Taking Up Too Much Space

I stand at the outer tarmacadam door staring at the flat I am about to get on and try my hardest not to freak out .
It ’ sulfur easier said than done .
not fair because I ’ m about to leave behind everything I know, though up until two minutes ago, that was my main concern. now, though, as I stare at this plane that I ’ m not even certain deserves the dignity of being called a airplane, a whole new degree of panic is setting in.

“ thus, Grace. ” The homo my uncle Finn sent to pick me up looks devour at me with a patient smile. Philip, I think he said his name was, but I can ’ thymine be indisputable. It ’ s hard to hear him over the wild beat of my heart. “ Are you ready for an venture ? ”
No. No, I am not the least bite ready—for an adventure or anything else that ’ s about to come my direction .
If you had told me a month ago that I would be standing on the outskirts of an airport in Fairbanks, Alaska, I would ’ ve said that you were misinformed. And if you had told me that the whole reason I was in Fairbanks was to catch the tiniest puddle jumper in being to what feels like the identical edge of the world—or, in this encase, a town on the edge of Denali, the highest batch in North America—I would have said that you were gamey as a freak out kite .
But a lot can change in thirty days. And even more can get ripped away .
In fact, the lone thing I have been able to count on these past few weeks is that no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse…

1

Landing Is Just Throwing
Yourself at the Ground and
Hoping You Don’t Miss

“ There she is, ” Philip says as we clear the peaks of several mountains, taking one hand off the steering column to point to a small collection of buildings in the distance. “ Healy, Alaska. Home sugared home. ”
“ Oh, belly laugh. It looks… ” Tiny. It looks in truth, truly bantam. Way smaller than fair my region in San Diego, let alone the solid city .
then again, it ’ mho reasonably difficult to see much of anything from up here. not because of the mountains that loom over the area like long-forgotten monsters but because we ’ re in the middle of a wyrd kind of haze that Philip refers to as “ civil twilight ” even though it ’ s scantily five o ’ clock. still, I can see well adequate to make out that the alleged township he ’ randomness pointing at is full of mismatch buildings randomly grouped together .
I last settle on, “ Interesting. It looks…interesting. ”
It ’ s not the foremost description that popped into my head—no, that was the erstwhile cliché that hell has actually frozen over—but it is the most civil one as Philip drops tied lower, preparing for what I ’ megabyte reasonably sure will be yet another harrow incidental in the list of harrowing incidents that have plagued me since I got on the first of three planes ten hours ago .
indisputable enough, I ’ ve only just spotted what passes for an airport in this one-thousand-person town ( thank you, Google ) when Philip says, “ Hang on, Grace. It ’ s a short runway because it ’ mho hard to keep a long one net of coke or ice rink for any amount of prison term out here. It ’ mho going to be a quick land. ”
I have no idea what a “ immediate landing ” means, but it doesn ’ metric ton sound thoroughly. So I grab the bar on the plane door, which I ’ thousand pretty sure exists for just this very reason, and hold on tight as we drop lower and lower .
“ Okay, kyd. here goes nothing ! ” Philip tells me. Which, by the means, decidedly makes the top five things you don ’ t ever want to hear your pilot say while you ’ re still in the vent .
The ground looms white and unyielding below us, and I squeeze my eyes shut .
Seconds belated, I feel the wheels skip across the land. then Philip hits the brakes hard enough to slam me forward so fast that my seat belt is the only thing keeping my head from meeting the master panel. The plane whines—not certain what contribution of it is making that awful noise or if it ’ s a corporate end knell—so I choose not to focus on it .
particularly when we start skidding to the left .
I bite my lip, keep my eyes squeezed hard exclude even as my heart threatens to burst out of my chest. If this is the end, I don ’ t need to see it coming .
The opinion distracts me, has me wondering just what my ma and dad might have seen coming, and by the time I shut down that trace of think, Philip has the plane sliding to a precarious, shuddering stop .
I know precisely how it feels. correct now, even my toes are trembling .
I peel my eyes open lento, resisting the cheer to pat myself down to make sure I in truth am still in one piece. But Philip good laughs and says, “ Textbook land. ”
possibly if that casebook is a horror novel. One he ’ south understand top polish and backward .
I don ’ t say anything, though. Just give him the best smile I can manage and grab my backpack from under my feet. I pull out the match of gloves Uncle Finn sent me and put them on. then I push open the flat door and jump down, praying the solid meter that my knees will support me when I hit the ground .
They do, good scantily .
After taking a few seconds to make certain I ’ m not going to crumble—and to pull my brand-new coat more tightly around me because it ’ mho literally about eight degrees out here—I head to the back of the plane to get the three suitcases that are all that is left of my life .
I feel a pang looking at them, but I don ’ triiodothyronine let myself dwell on everything I had to leave behind, any more than I let myself dwell on the idea of strangers living in the firm I grew up in. After all, who cares about a house or art supplies or a brake drum kit out when I ’ ve lost therefore much more ?
alternatively, I grab a cup of tea out of what passes for the bantam airplane ’ second cargo hold and wrestle it to the labor. Before I can reach for the second, Philip is there, lifting my other two suitcases like they ’ re filled with pillows alternatively of everything I own in the world .
“ Come on, Grace. Let ’ s go before you start to turn blue out here. ” He nods toward a parking lot—not even a build, just a parking lot—about two hundred yards away, and I want to groan. It ’ s so cold out that immediately I ’ meter shake for a hale different rationality. How can anyone live like this ? It ’ s unreal, specially considering it was seventy degrees where I woke up this good morning .
There ’ south nothing to do but nod, though, so I do. then grab onto the handle of my bag and start dragging it toward a small temporary hookup of concrete that I ’ molarity reasonably sure passes for an airport in Healy. It ’ s a far cry from San Diego ’ s bustling terminals .
Philip overtakes me easily, a big bag dangling from each hand. I start to tell him that he can pull the handles out and roll them, but the second I step off the runway and onto the white grate that surrounds it in all directions, I figure out why he ’ randomness carrying them—it ’ s reasonably much impossible to roll a heavy bag over snow .
I ’ thousand near frozen by the time we make it halfway to the ( thankfully still plowed ) park bunch, despite my heavy jacket and synthetic fur–lined gloves. I ’ m not sure what I ’ m supposed to do from here, how I ’ m supposed to get to the boarding school my uncle is headmaster of, so I turn to ask Philip if Uber is even a thing up hera. But before I can get a bible out, person steps from behind one of the cartridge trucks in the bunch and rushes uncoiled toward me .
I think it ’ second my cousin, Macy, but it ’ sulfur hard to tell, considering she ’ second covered from head to toe in protective weather gear .
“ You ’ re here ! ” the moving pile of hats, scarves, and jackets says, and I was right—it ’ south decidedly Macy .
“ I ’ megabyte here, ” I agree dryly, wondering if it ’ second excessively belated to reconsider foster caution. Or emancipation. Any know position in San Diego has got to be better than survive in a town whose airport consists of one runway and a bantam parking set. Heather is going to die when I text her .
“ ultimately ! ” Macy says, reaching out for a embrace. It ’ s a little awkward, partially because of all the clothes she ’ s wear and partially because—despite being a year younger than my own seventeen years—she ’ second about eight inches taller than I am. “ I ’ ve been waiting for more than an hour. ”
I hug her rear but let go promptly as I answer. “ Sorry, my plane was deep from Seattle. The storm there made it unvoiced to take off. ”
“ Yeah, we hear that a draw, ” she tells me with a grimace. “ Pretty sure their weather is even worse than ours. ”
I want to argue—miles of coke and adequate protective gear to give astronauts pause seem reasonably freaking terribly to me. But I don ’ thymine know Macy all that well, despite the fact that we ’ ra cousins, and the last thing I want to do is offend her. Besides Uncle Finn and now Philip, she is the only other person I know in this position .
not to mention the entirely family I have left .
Which is why, in the end, I precisely shrug .
It must be a good adequate answer, though, because she grins back at me before turning to Philip, who is still carrying my suitcases. “ Thanks thus much for picking her improving, Uncle Philip. Dad says to tell you he owes you a case of beer. ”
“ No worries, Mace. Had to run a few errands in Fairbanks anyway. ” He says it therefore casually, like hopping in a plane for a couple-hundred-mile round-trip travel is no bad deal. then again, out here where there ’ second nothing but mountains and snow in all directions, possibly it ’ s not. After all, according to Wikipedia, Healy has entirely one major road in and out of it, and in the winter sometimes even that gets closed depressed .
I ’ ve spent the last calendar month trying to imagine what that looks like. What it is like .
I guess I ’ m about to find out .
“ still, he says he ’ ll be around Friday with that beer so you guys can watch the game in true BFF style. ” She turns to me. “ My dad ’ s truly upset he couldn ’ t make it out to pick you up, Grace. There was an hand brake at the school that no matchless else could deal with. But he told me to get him the second we make it back. ”
“ No worries, ” I tell her. Because what else am I supposed to say ? Besides, if I ’ ve learned anything in the month since my parents died, it ’ randomness just how small most things count .
Who cares who picks me up a long as I get to the school ?
Who cares where I live if it ’ s not going to be with my ma and dad ?
Philip walks us to the edge of the absolved parking lot before finally letting blend of my suitcases. Macy gives him a quick hug adieu, and I shake his hand, mutter, “ Thanks for coming to get me. ”
“ not a trouble at all. any time you need a flight, I ’ thousand your man. ” He winks, then heads back to the tarmacadam to deal with his plane .
We watch him go for a copulate of seconds before Macy grabs the handles on both suitcases and starts rolling them across the bantam park batch. She gestures for me to do the lapp with the one I ’ meter holding on to, so I do, even though a share of me wants nothing more than to run back onto the tarmacadam with Philip, climb back into that bantam plane, and necessitate to be flown back to Fairbanks. Or, tied better, binding home to San Diego .
It ’ s a feel that only gets worse when Macy says, “ Do you need to pee ? It ’ s a good ninety-minute drive to the school from here. ”
ninety minutes ? That doesn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate seem possible when the whole town looks like we could drive it in fifteen, possibly twenty minutes at the most. then again, when we were flying over, I didn ’ t see any build remotely big enough to be a boarding school for conclusion to four hundred teenagers, so possibly the school international relations and security network ’ triiodothyronine actually in Healy .
I can ’ thyroxine help but think of the mountains and rivers that surround this town in all directions and wonder where on worldly concern I ’ m going to end up before this day is through. And where precisely she expects me to pee out here anyhow .
“ I ’ thousand all right, ” I answer after a minute, even as my stomach somersaults and pitches nervously .
This solid sidereal day has been about getting here, and that was bad enough. But as we roll my suitcases through the semi-darkness, the well-below-freezing tune slapping at me with each gradation we take, everything gets superreal, superfast. specially when Macy walks through the entire park fortune to the snowmobile parked merely beyond the edge of the sidewalk .
At first, I think she ’ second joking about, but then she starts loading my suitcases onto the attached sled and it occurs to me that this is truly happening. I ’ meter in truth about to ride a snowmobile in the near dark through Alaska in weather that is more than twenty degrees below freeze, if the app on my phone can be believed .
All that ’ second missing is the disgusting enchantress cackle that she ’ south going to get me and my fiddling frank, besides. then again, at this point, that would credibly be excess .
I watch with a kind of dismay captivation as Macy straps my suitcases to the sled. I should probably offer to help, but I wouldn ’ triiodothyronine even know where to begin. And since the survive thing I want is for the few belongings I have left in the earth to be strewn across the side of a batch, I figure if there was always a prison term to leave things to the experts, this is it .
“ here, you ’ re going to need these, ” Macy tells me, opening up the little bulge that was already strapped to the sled when we got out here. She rummages around for a second before pulling out a match of heavy snow pants and a blockheaded wool scarf. They are both hot pink, my favorite color when I was a kid but not so much now. still, it ’ s obvious Macy remembered that from the last meter I saw her, and I can ’ t help being touched as she holds them out to me .
“ Thanks. ” I give her the closest thing to a smile I can manage .
After a few false starts, I manage to pull the pants on over the thermal underwear and fleece pajama pants with emojis on them ( the only kind of fleece pants I own ) that I put on at my uncle ’ s education before boarding the plane in Seattle. then I take a long search at the way Macy ’ s rainbow-colored scarf is wrapped around her neck and face and do the same thing with mine .
It ’ south harder than it looks, specially trying to get it positioned well enough to keep it from sliding down my nose the second base I move .
finally, I manage it, though, and that ’ s when Macy reaches for one of the helmets draped over the snowmobile ’ sulfur handles .
“ The helmet is insulated, so it will help keep you warmly a well as protect your read/write head in case of a clang, ” she instructs. “ Plus, it ’ s got a shield to protect your eyes from the cold atmosphere. ”
“ My eyes can freeze ? ” I ask, more than a little traumatize, as I take the helmet from her and try to ignore how intemperate it is to breathe with the scarf over my nozzle .
“ Eyes don ’ metric ton freeze, ” Macy answers with a little laugh, like she can ’ t avail herself. “ But the shield will keep them from watering and make you more comfortable. ”
“ Oh, right. ” I duck my head as my cheek heat up. “ I ’ m an idiot. ”
“ No you ’ re not. ” Macy wraps an arm around my shoulders and squeezes mean. “ Alaska is a batch. Everyone who comes here has a memorize curve. You ’ ll figure it all out soon adequate. ”
I ’ m not holding my breath on that one—I can ’ metric ton imagine that this coldness, extraneous stead will always feel familiar to me—but I don ’ t say anything. not when Macy has already done so much to try and make me feel welcome .
“ I ’ m in truth sorry you had to come here, Grace, ” she continues after a moment. “ I mean, I ’ m truly excited that you ’ re here. I equitable wish it wasn ’ triiodothyronine because… ” Her articulation drifts off before she finishes the prison term. But I ’ m used to that by now. After weeks of having my friends and teachers tiptoe around me, I ’ ve learned that no one wants to say the words .
hush, I ’ molarity excessively exhausted to fill in the blanks. rather, I slip my mind in the helmet and secure it the way Macy showed me .
“ fix ? ” she asks once I ’ ve got my face and principal a protected as they ’ re going to get .
The answer hasn ’ thyroxine changed since Philip asked me that same motion in Fairbanks. not tied close. “ Yeah. absolutely. ”
I wait for Macy to climb on the snowmobile before getting on behind her .
“ Hold on to my waist ! ” she shouts as she turns it on, so I do. Seconds belated, we ’ rhenium speed into the dark that stretches interminably in front of us .
I ’ ve never been more terrify in my life .

2

Just Because
You Live in a Tower
Doesn’t Make You
a Prince

The ride international relations and security network ’ thymine american samoa bad as I thought it would be .
I mean, it ’ s not full, but that has more to do with the fact that I ’ ve been traveling all day and I just want to get someplace—anyplace—where I can stay longer than a stop. Or a truly long snowmobile drive .
And if that place besides happens to be warm and barren of the local anesthetic wildlife I can hear howling in the distance, then I ’ megabyte all about it. particularly since everything south of my shank seems to have fallen asleep…
I ’ meter in the middle of trying to figure out how to wake up my very asleep butt when we on the spur of the moment veer off the trail ( and I mean “ trail ” in the loosest common sense of the password ) we ’ ve been following and onto a kind of tableland on the side of the batch. It ’ randomness as we wind our way through yet another brush of trees that I ultimately see lights up ahead .
“ Is that Katmere Academy ? ” I shout .
“ Yeah. ” Macy lays off the accelerate a little, steering around trees like we ’ re on a giant star slalom course. “ We should be there in about five minutes. ”
Thank God. much longer out here and I might actually lose a toe or three, tied with my doubled-up wool socks. I mean, everyone knows Alaska is cold, but can I just say—it ’ south freaking cold, and I was not organize .
so far another roar sounds in the distance, but as we last clear the brush of trees, it ’ randomness hard to pay attention to anything but the huge construction looming in front of us, growing closer with every second that passes .
Or should I say the huge castle looming in front of us, because the dwell I ’ molarity looking at is nothing like a modern build. And absolutely nothing like any school I have ever seen. I tried to Google it before I got hera, but apparently Katmere Academy is so elect even Google hasn ’ t learn of it .
First of all, it ’ s big. Like, actually big…and sprawling. From here it looks like the brick wall in front of the castle stretches halfway around the mountain .
irregular, it ’ s elegant. Like, actually, truly elegant, with architecture I ’ ve only hear described in my art classes before. Vaulted arches, flying buttresses, and giant, flowery windows dominate the social organization .
And third, as we get closer, I can ’ t avail wondering if my eyes are deceiving me or if there are gargoyles—actual gargoyles—protruding from the top of the castle walls. I know it ’ s good my resource, but I ’ five hundred be lying if I said I didn ’ triiodothyronine one-half expect to see Quasimodo waiting for us when we ultimately get there .
Macy pulls up to the huge gate at the front of the educate and enters a code. Seconds late, the gate swings afford. And we ’ re on our way again .
The close we get, the more phantasmagoric everything feels. Like I ’ meter trapped in a horror movie or Salvador Dalí paint. Katmere Academy may be a Gothic palace, but at least there ’ second no moat, I tell myself as we break through one last brush of trees. And no fire-breathing dragon guarding the entrance. Just a long, winding driveway that looks like every other homework school driveway I ’ ve ever seen on TV—except for the fact that it ’ south covered in coke. adult electric shock. And leads right improving to the school ’ s huge, incredibly flowery front doors .
antique doors .
castle doors .
I shake my head to clear it. I mean, what even is my life correct now ?
“ Told you it wouldn ’ thyroxine be bad, ” Macy says as she pulls up to the front with a spray of coke. “ We didn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate tied see a caribou, let entirely a beast. ”
She ’ mho justly, sol I precisely nod and pretend I ’ meter not completely overwhelmed .
make-believe like my stomach international relations and security network ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate tied into knots and my wholly worldly concern hasn ’ thyroxine turned top down for the second time in a month .
Pretend like I ’ molarity okay .
“ Let ’ s bring your suitcases up to your room and get you unpack. It ’ ll aid you relax. ”
Macy climbs off the snowmobile, then takes off her helmet and her hat. It ’ s the first time I ’ ve seen her without all the cold-weather gear, and I can ’ t avail smiling at her rainbow-colored hair. It ’ mho mown in a short, choppy vogue that should be smooshed and plastered to her head after three hours in a helmet, but rather it looks like she fair walked out of a salon .
Which matches the rest of her, now that I think about it, considering her whole coordinate jacket, boots, and snow pants look kind of shouts cover model for some alaskan wilderness fashion magazine .
On the other hand, I ’ thousand pretty certain my look says I ’ ve gone a couple of rounds with a pissed-off caribou. And lost. Badly. Which seems fairly, since that ’ s about how I feel .
Macy makes agile work of unloading my suitcases, and this time I grab two of them. But I only make it a few steps up the identical long walk to the palace ’ randomness imposing front doors before I ’ molarity struggling to breathe .
“ It ’ s the altitude, ” Macy says as she takes one of the suitcases out of my hired hand. “ We climbed pretty flying and, since you ’ ra coming from sea flush, it ’ sulfur going to take a few days for you to get used to how slender the atmosphere is up here. ”
just the theme of not being able to breathe sets off the beginnings of the panic attack I ’ ve barely kept at alcove all day. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath—or ampere deeply as I can out here—and test to fight it back .
In, hold for five seconds, out. In, hold for ten seconds, out. In, hold for five seconds, extinct. Just like Heather ’ s ma teach me. Dr. Blake is a therapist, and she ’ second been giving me tips on how to deal with the anxiety I ’ ve been having since my parents died. But I ’ m not sure her tips are up to combatting all this any more than I am .
still, I can ’ t stand hera frigid everlastingly, like one of the gargoyles staring down at me. particularly not when I can feel Macy ’ s concern even with my eyes closed .
I take one more deep hint and open my eyes again, shooting my cousin a smile I ’ m far from feeling. “ Fake it till you make it is still a thing, right ? ”
“ It ’ s going to be o, ” she tells me, her own eyes wide with sympathy. “ Just stand there and catch your breath. I ’ ll carry your suitcases up to the door. ”
“ I can do it. ”
“ seriously, it ’ mho okay. Just chill for a minute. ” She holds up her hand in the universal period gesture. “ We ’ ra not in any rush. ”
Her note begs me not to argue, so I don ’ metric ton. particularly since the panic fire I ’ megabyte trying to fend off is only making it harder to breathe. rather, I nod and watch as she carries my suitcases—one at a time—up to the school ’ mho front door .
As I do, a flaunt of color way above us catches my center .
It ’ s there and gone so fast that even as I scan for it, I can ’ metric ton be sure it ever actually existed to begin with. Except—there it is again. A flash of bolshevik in the unhorse window of the tallest column .
I don ’ thyroxine know who it is or why they even matter, but I stop where I am. Watching. Waiting. Wondering if whoever it is will make another appearance .
It isn ’ t long before they do .
I can ’ triiodothyronine see clearly—distance, dark, and the falsify glass of the windows cover up a lot—but I get the impression of a hard yack, shagged dark haircloth, a red jacket against a background of light .
It ’ s not a lot, and there ’ s no argue for it to have caught my attention—certainly no reason for it to have held my attention—and so far I find myself staring up at the window so long that Macy has all three of my suitcases at the peak of the stairs before I evening realize it .
“ cook to try again ? ” she calls gloomy from her spotlight near the presence doors .
“ Oh, yeah. Of course. ” I start up the stopping point thirty or so steps, ignoring the manner my point is spinning. Altitude sickness—one more thing I never had to worry about in San Diego .
Fantastic .
I glance up at the window one last time, not surprised at all to find that whoever was looking down at me is long gone. still, an inexplicable frisson of disappointment works its manner through me. It makes no sense, though, so I shrug it off. I have bigger things to worry about veracious now .
“ This put is improbable, ” I tell my cousin as she pushes open one of the doors and we walk inside .
And holy crap—I thought the whole palace thing with its pointed archways and elaborate stonework was imposing from the outside. now that I ’ ve seen the inside… now that I ’ ve seen the inside, I ’ megabyte pretty sure I should be curtsying right about immediately. Or at least bowing and scraping. I mean, wow. Just…wow .
I don ’ t know where to look first—at the high ceiling with its complicate black crystal chandelier or the roaring fireplace that dominates the unharmed right wall of the anteroom .
In the end I go with the fireplace, because estrus. And because it ’ s freaking gorgeous, the mantel around it an intricate model of stone and stained glass that reflects the light of the flames through the wholly room .
“ Pretty aplomb, huh ? ” Macy says with a grin as she comes up behind me .
“ wholly cool, ” I agree. “ This place is… ”
“ Magic. I know. ” She wiggles her brows at me. “ want to see some more ? ”
I actually do. I ’ m silent army for the liberation of rwanda from sold on the alaskan boarding school thing, but that doesn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate mean I don ’ thymine want to check out the castle. I mean, it ’ s a castle, complete with stone walls and elaborate tapestries I can ’ thyroxine avail but want to stop and look at as we make our way through the entrance into some kind of common room .
The merely problem is that the deep we move into the school, the more students we come across. Some are standing about in disperse clumps, talking and laughing, while others are seated at several of the room ’ second scarred wooden tables, leaning over books or phones or laptop screens. In the bet on recess of one board, sprawled out on several antique-looking couches in varying hues of crimson and gold, is a group of six guys playing Xbox on a huge television receiver, while a few other students crowd around to watch .
only, as we get closer, I realize they aren ’ thymine watching the video recording game. Or their books. Or tied their phones. rather, they ’ re all looking at me as Macy leads—and by leads, I mean parades—me through the center of the board .
My stomach clenches, and I duck my head to hide my very obvious discomfort. I get that everyone wants to check out the new girl—especially when she ’ s the headmaster ’ s niece—but understanding doesn ’ t make it any easier to bear the scrutiny from a bunch of strangers. particularly since I ’ megabyte pretty sure I have the worst sheath of helmet hair ever recorded .
I ’ m besides interfering avoiding eye contact and regulating my breathe to talk as we make our room through the room, but as we exit into a long, winding hallway, I finally tell Macy, “ I can ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate believe you go to school here. ”
“ We both go to school here, ” she reminds me with a quick smile.

“ Yeah, but… ” I merely got here. And I ’ ve never felt more out of place in my animation .
“ But ? ” she repeats, eyebrows arched .
“ It ’ s a lot. ” I eye the gorgeous stained glass windows that run along the outside wall and the elaborate carved molding that decorates the arch ceiling .
“ It is. ” She slows down until I catch improving. “ But it ’ mho home. ”
“ Your home, ” I whisper, doing my best not to think of the house I left behind, where my mother ’ south front porch wreathe chimes and whirligigs were the most wild-and-crazy thing about it .
“ Our home, ” she answers as she pulls out her call and sends a quick text. “ You ’ ll go steady. Speaking of which, my dad wants me to give you a choice about what kind of board situation you want. ”
“ Room situation ? ” I repeat, glancing around the castle while images of ghosts and animated suits of armor chute through my pass .
“ Well, all the single rooms have been assigned for this term. Dad told me we could move some people around to get you one, but I in truth hoped you might want to room with me instead. ” She smiles hopefully for a second, but it quickly fades as she continues. “ I mean, I wholly get that you might need some space to yourself correct nowadays after… ”
And there ’ s that fade-out again. It gets to me, barely like it does every time. normally, I ignore it, but this fourth dimension I can ’ triiodothyronine stop myself from asking, “ After what ? ”
barely this once, I want person else to say it. possibly then it will feel more real and less like a nightmare .
Except as Macy pant and turns the color of the snow outside, I realize it ’ s not going to be her. And that it ’ sulfur unfair of me to expect it to be .
“ I ’ m deplorable, ” she whispers, and immediately it about looks like she ’ randomness going to cry, which, no. fair no. We ’ re not going to go there. not when the alone thing presently holding me together is a snarky attitude and my ability to compartmentalize .
No direction am I going to risk losing my bag on either. not here, in front of my cousin and anybody else who might happen to pass by. And not now, when it ’ s obvious from all the stares that I ’ megabyte wholly the newest attraction at the menagerie .
so alternatively of melting into Macy for the hug I thus urgently need, rather of letting myself think about how much I miss home and my parents and my life, I pull back and give her the best smile I can manage. “ Why don ’ metric ton you show me to our board ? ”
The concern in her eyes doesn ’ triiodothyronine decrease, but the fair weather decidedly makes another appearance. “ Our room ? in truth ? ”
I sigh deeply at heart and kiss my dream of a little peaceful solitude adieu. It ’ mho not angstrom arduous as it should be, but then I ’ ve lost a distribute more in the end month than my own space. “ Really. Rooming with you sounds perfect. ”
I ’ ve already upset her once, which is therefore not my style. Neither is getting person kicked out of their room. Besides being crude and smack of nepotism, it besides seems like a surefire room to piss people off—something that is decidedly not on my disturbance list veracious now .
“ Awesome ! ” Macy grins and throws her arms around me for a fast but powerful hug. then she glances at her telephone with a axial rotation of her eyes. “ Dad still hasn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate answered my text—he ’ s the worst about checking his call. Why don ’ metric ton you hang out here, and I ’ ll go get him ? I know he wanted to see you a soon as we arrived. ”
“ I can come with you— ”
“ Please just model, Grace. ” She points at the flowery French-provincial-style chairs that flank a small chess table in an alcove to the right of the stairway. “ I ’ molarity surely you ’ re exhaust and I ’ ve got this, good. Relax a hour while I get Dad. ”
Because she ’ s right—my head is aching and my breast silent feels tight—I merely nod and plop down in the closest chair. I ’ megabyte beyond tire and want nothing more than to lean my promontory back against the chair and close my eyes for a hour. But I ’ megabyte afraid I ’ ll fall asleep if I do. And no way am I running the risk of being the daughter caught drooling all over herself in the hallway on her very first gear day…or ever, for that matter .
More to keep myself from drifting off than out of actual interest, I pick up one of the chess pieces in movement of me. It ’ randomness made of elaborately carved stone, and my eyes widen as I realize what I ’ megabyte looking at. A perfect rendition of a vampire, right depressed to the blacken cape, frightening snap, and bared fangs. It matches the Gothic castle vibration so well that I can ’ t help being amused. Plus, it ’ sulfur gorgeously crafted .
Intrigued now, I reach for a while from the early slope. And about laugh out loud when I realize it ’ s a dragon—fierce, imperial, with giant wings. It ’ s absolutely beautiful .
The solid determined is .
I put the patch down only to pick up another draco. This one is less boisterous, but with its sleepy eyes and folded wings, it ’ randomness even more intricate. I look it over carefully, fascinated with the degree of contingent in the piece—everything from the perfect points on the wings to the careful curl of each talon reflects good how much concern the artist put into the piece. I ’ ve never been a chess girlfriend, but this hardening equitable might change my thinker about the game .
When I put down this dragon piece, I go to the other side of the circuit board and pick up the vampire queen. She ’ second beautiful, with retentive, flowing hair and an elaborately decorated cape .
“ I ’ d be careful with that one if I were you. She ’ mho got a cruddy bite. ” The words are first gear and rumbly and so close that I closely fall out of my chair. alternatively, I jump up, plopping the chess piece down with a clatter, then whirl around—heart pounding—only to find myself face-to-face with the most daunting guy I ’ ve ever seen. And not merely because he ’ randomness hot…although he ’ s decidedly that .
still, there ’ s something more to him, something different and brawny and overpower, though I don ’ t have a clue what it is. I mean, sure. He has the kind of face nineteenth-century poets loved to write about—too intense to be beautiful and besides strike to be anything else .
Skyscraper cheekbones .
Full red lips .
A jaw then acuate it could cut stone .
Smooth, alabaster skin .
And his eyes…a bottomless obsidian that see everything and show nothing, surrounded by the longest, most abhorrent lashes I ’ ve ever seen .
And even worse, those all-knowing eyes are laser-focused on me correct now, and I ’ molarity suddenly terrified that he can see all the things I ’ ve worked so hard and so long to hide. I try to duck my head, judge to yank my gaze from his, but I can ’ t. I ’ m trapped by his stare, hypnotized by the sheer magnetism rolling off him in waves .
I swallow arduous to catch my breath .
It doesn ’ metric ton work .
And now he ’ s grin, one corner of his mouth turning up in a hunched little smile that I feel in every single cell. Which only makes it worse, because that smirk says he knows precisely what kind of effect he ’ s having on me. And, worse, that he ’ mho enjoying it .
irritation flashes through me at the realization, melting the numbness that ’ mho surrounded me since my parents ’ deaths. Waking me from the grogginess that ’ s the only thing that ’ s kept me from screaming all day, every day, at the unfairness of it all. At the trouble and horror and helplessness that have taken over my whole life .
It ’ s not a thoroughly find. And the fact that it ’ s this guy—with the smirk and the face and the cold eyes that refuse to relinquish their hold on me even as they demand that I don ’ triiodothyronine attend besides closely—just pisses me off more .
It ’ randomness that anger that finally gives me the force to break free of his gaze. I rip my eyes away, then search desperately for something else—anything else—to focus on .
unfortunately, he ’ randomness standing good in front of me, indeed close that he ’ randomness blocking my watch of anything else .
Determined to avoid his eyes, I look anywhere but. And land alternatively on his long, lean consistency. then in truth wish I hadn ’ metric ton, because the black jeans and T-shirt he ’ mho wearing merely emphasize his flat stomach and hard, chiseled biceps. not to mention the double-wide shoulders that are absolutely responsible for blocking my view in the first invest .
Add in the slurred, night hair that ’ second worn a little besides long, so that it falls advancing into his font and skims low across his insane cheekbones, and there ’ sulfur nothing to do but give in. nothing to do but admit that—obnoxious smirk or not—this boy is sexy as hell .
A small severe, a set fantastic, and all dangerous .
What little oxygen I ’ ve been able to pull into my lungs in this high altitude completely disappears with the realization. Which entirely makes me madder. Because, seriously. When precisely did I become the heroine in some YA romance ? The new girlfriend faint over the hottest, most unachievable boy in school ?
Gross. And so not happening .
Determined to nip any this is in the bud, I force myself to look at his face again. This clock time, as our gaze meet and clash, I realize that it doesn ’ t matter if I ’ thousand acting like some giant amatory cliché .
Because he isn ’ triiodothyronine .
One glance and I know that this dark boy with the closed-off eyes and the fuck-you position international relations and security network ’ t the hero of anyone ’ s history. Least of all mine .

3

Vampire Queens
Aren’t the Only Ones
with a Nasty Bite

Determined not to let this staring contest that feels a small like a show of dominance go on any longer, I cast around for something to break the latent hostility. And settle on a response to the only thing he ’ s actually said to me so far .
“ Who ’ s got a cruddy sting ? ”
He reaches past me and picks up the man I dropped, holds the queen for me to see. “ She ’ s actually not very nice. ”
I stare at him. “ She ’ s a chess part. ”
His obsidian eyes glitter spinal column. “ Your distributor point ? ”
“ My point is, she ’ s a chess man. She ’ s made of marble. She can ’ metric ton bite anyone. ”
He inclines his head in a you never know gesticulate. “ ‘ There are more things in heaven and hell, Horatio, / Than are dream of in your doctrine. ’ ”
“ Earth, ” I correct before I can think better of it .
He crooks one midnight-black eyebrow in question, so I continue. “ The quotation mark is, ‘ There are more things in eden and ground, Horatio. ’ ”
“ Is it now ? ” His face doesn ’ thyroxine variety, but there ’ s something derisive in his tone that wasn ’ metric ton there ahead, like I ’ m the one who made the mistake, not him. But I know I ’ meter right—my AP English class just finished reading Hamlet last calendar month, and my teacher spent constantly on that quotation. “ I think I like my translation better. ”
“ even though it ’ randomness wrong ? ”
“ particularly because it ’ second wrong. ”
I have no idea what I ’ m supposed to say to that, then I merely shake my head. And wonder how miss I ’ ll perplex if I go looking for Macy and Uncle Finn right now. credibly identical, considering the size of this place, but I ’ thousand beginning to think I should risk it. Because the longer I stand hera, the more I realize this ridicule is equally terrify as he is intriguing .
I ’ m not indisputable which is worse. And I ’ molarity growing less sure by the second gear that I want to find out .
“ I need to go. ” I force the words past a chew the fat I didn ’ triiodothyronine flush know I ’ d been clenching .
“ Yeah, you do. ” He takes a small step back, nods toward the common board Macy and I precisely walked through. “ The door ’ s that way. ”
It ’ s not the reply I ’ meter ask, and it throws me off guard duty. “ thus what, I shouldn ’ metric ton let it hit me on the way out ? ”
He shrugs. “ ampere long as you leave this school, it doesn ’ thyroxine matter to me if it hits you or not. I warned your uncle you wouldn ’ thymine be safe here, but he obviously doesn ’ t like you much. ”
anger flashes through me at his words, burning aside the last of the apathy that has plagued me. “ Who precisely are you supposed to be anyhow ? Katmere ’ s very own unwelcome big dipper ? ”
“ Unwelcome police van ? ” His tonicity is a objectionable as his face. “ Believe me, this is the nicest greet you ’ re going to get here. ”
“ This is it, huh ? ” I raise my brows, spread my arms out broad. “ The big welcome to Alaska ? ”
“ More like, welcome to hell. now get the fuck out. ”
The last is said in a snap that yanks my heart into my throat. But it besides slams my pique heterosexual into the stratosphere. “ Is it that stick up your ass that makes you such a buck ? ” I demand. “ Or is this merely your regular, charming personality ? ”
The words come out fast and ferocious, before I tied know I ’ molarity going to say them. But once they ’ re out, I don ’ metric ton regret them. How can I when shock flits across his face, finally erasing that annoying smirk of his ?
At least for a minute. then he fires rear, “ I ’ ve got to say, if that ’ s the best you ’ ve got, I give you about an hour. ”
I know I shouldn ’ metric ton ask, but he looks sol smug, I can ’ t assistant myself. “ Before what ? ”
“ Before something eats you. ” He doesn ’ t say it, but the obviously is decidedly implied. Which only pisses me off more .
“ seriously ? That ’ s what you decided to go with ? ” I roll my eyes. “ Bite me, fellow. ”
“ Nah, I don ’ thymine think so. ” He looks me up and down. “ I ’ molarity pretty sure you wouldn ’ t even make an appetizer. ”
But then he ’ s stepping closer, leaning down until he ’ south all but whispering in my auricle. “ possibly a quick nosh, though. ” His teeth close with a brassy, crisp snap that makes me rise and shiver all at the same time .
Which I hate…so, so much .
I glance around us, curious if anyone else is witnessing this mess. But where everyone only had eyes for me earlier, they seem to be going out of their way not to glance in my direction now. One gangling boy with thick bolshevik hair even keeps his head sol awkwardly turned to the english while walking across the room that he about runs into another student .
Which tells me everything I need to know about this ridicule .
Determined to regain control condition of the situation—and myself—I take a large footfall back. then, ignoring my pounding heart and the pterodactyl flapping about in my stomach, I demand, “ What is wrong with you ? ” I mean, badly. He ’ s got the manners of a fanatic polar bear .
“ Got a century or three ? ” His smirk is back—he ’ mho obviously proud of getting to me—and for a moment, equitable a moment, I think about how hearty it would be to punch him right in the kernel of that annoying talk of his .
“ You know what ? You in truth don ’ t have to be such a— ”
“ Don ’ thymine tell me what I have to be. not when you don ’ t have a clue what you ’ ve wandered into here. ”
“ Oh no ! ” I do a mock-afraid face. “ Is this the character of the history where you tell me about the adult, bad monsters out here in the big, badly Alaskan wilderness ? ”
“ No, this is the separate of the story where I show you the adult, bad monsters right here in this castle. ” He steps forward, closing the little distance I managed to put between us .
And there goes my kernel again, beating like a cage bird desperate to escape .
I hate it .
I hate that he ’ mho bested me, and I hate that being this close up to him makes me feel a bunch of things I shouldn ’ metric ton for a guy who has been a total buck to me. I hate tied more that the expect in his eyes says he knows precisely how I ’ thousand spirit .
The fact that I ’ megabyte reacting so powerfully to him when all he seems to feel for me is contempt is humiliating, so I take one trembling tone rear. then I take another. And another .
But he follows courtship, moving one step forward for every step I take backward, until I ’ m catch between him and the chess table pressing into the back of my thighs. And even though there ’ s nowhere to go, even though I ’ thousand stay proper here in front of him, he leans closer still, gets closer still, until I can feel his warm breath on my cheek and the brush of his satiny black hair against my skin .
“ What are— ? ” What little hint I ’ ve managed to recover catches in my throat. “ What are you doing ? ” I demand as he reaches past me .
He doesn ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate answer at first. But when he pulls away, he ’ randomness got one of the dragon pieces in his bridge player. He holds it up for me to see, that single eyebrow of his arced provocatively, and answers. “ You ’ re the one who wanted to see the monsters. ”
This one is fierce, eyes narrowed, talons raised, mouth open to show off sharp, jag tooth. But it ’ south still just a chess piece. “ I ’ meter not afraid of a three-inch draco. ”
“ Yeah, well, you should be. ”
“ Yeah, well, I ’ m not. ” The words come out more smothered than I intend, because he may have taken a step back, but he ’ second hush standing besides close up. sol close that I can feel his breath on my impudence and the heat radiating from his body. sol close that one deep breath will end with my chest of drawers pressing against his .
The intend sets off a wholly newly kaleidoscope of butterflies deep inside me. I can ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate affect back any far, but I can lean back over the table a fiddling. Which I do—all while those night, fathomless eyes of his watch my every move .
silence stretches between us for one…ten…twenty-five seconds before he finally asks, “ so if you aren ’ triiodothyronine afraid of things that go bump in the night, what are you afraid of ? ”
Images of my parents ’ mangle car flash through my brain, followed by pictures of their battered bodies. I was the only family they had in San Diego—or anywhere, truly, except for Finn and Macy—so I ’ m the one who had to go to the morgue. I ’ m the one who had to identify their bodies. Who had to see them all bruised and bally and broken before the funeral home had a chance to put them back together again .
The familiar anguish wells up inside me, but I do what I ’ ve been doing for weeks now. I shove it back down. Pretend it doesn ’ triiodothyronine exist. “ not much, ” I tell him vitamin a flippantly as I can manage. “ There ’ s not much to be afraid of when you ’ ve already lost everything that matters. ”
He freezes at my words, his hale body tensing up so much that it feels like he might shatter. even his eyes switch, the wildness disappearing between one wink and the future until only motionlessness remains .
Stillness and an agony so deep I can barely see it behind the layers and layers of defenses he ’ mho erected .
But I can see it. More, I can feel it calling to my own pain .
It ’ s an terribly and amazing feeling at the same time. so nasty I can scantily stand it. so amazing that I can ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate stop it .
so I don ’ thymine. And neither does he .
alternatively, we stand there, frozen. Devasted. Connected in a manner I can feel but can ’ triiodothyronine perceive by our very freestanding horrors .
I don ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate know how long we stay like that, staring into each other ’ south eyes. Acknowledging each other ’ s pain because we can ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate acknowledge our own .
long enough for the animosity to drain proper out of me .
long enough for me to see the ash grey flecks in the midnight of his eyes—distant stars shining through the dark he makes no attack to hide .
More than long enough for me to get my rampaging heart under dominance. At least until he reaches out and gently takes hold of one of my million curl up .
And just that well, I forget how to breathe again .
heat slams through me as he stretches out the curl, warming me up for the first time since I opened the door of Philip ’ s plane in Healy. It ’ mho confuse and consuming and I don ’ t have a clue what to do about it .
Five minutes ago, this guy was being a entire douche to me. And now…now I don ’ thymine know anything. Except that I need outer space. And to sleep. And a gamble to just breathe for a few minutes .
With that in thinker, I bring my hands up and push at his shoulders in an effort to get him to give me a little board. But it ’ s like pushing a rampart of granite. He doesn ’ t budge .
At least not until I whisper, “ Please. ”
He waits a second long, possibly two or three—until my steer is muddled and my hands are shaking—before he last takes a dance step back and lets the coil go .
As he does, he sweeps a hand through his colored hair. His longish bangs part fair enough to reveal a jagged scar from the center of his leave eyebrow to the impart corner of his mouth. It ’ s thin and white, scantily noticeable against the lividness of his skin, but it ’ s there nonetheless—especially if you look at the wicked vee it causes at the end of his dark eyebrow .
It should make him less attractive, should do something—anything—to negate the incredible office of his looks. But somehow the scratch only emphasizes the danger, turning him from just another pretty boy with angelic looks into person a million times more compel. A fall angel with a bad-boy vibration for miles…and a million stories to back that vibration up .
Combined with the anguish I barely felt inside him, it makes him more…human. More relatable and more annihilative, despite the dark that rolls off him in waves. A scratch like this only comes from an impossible wound. Hundreds of stitches, multiple operations, months—maybe even years—of convalescence. I hate that he suffered like that, wouldn ’ t wish it on anyone, let alone this boy who frustrates and terrifies and excites me all at the same clock time .
He knows I noticed the scar—I can see it in the way his eyes narrow. In the way his shoulders stiffen and his hands clench into fists. In the way he ducks his head so that his hair falls over his cheek again .
I hate that, hate that he thinks he has to hide something that he should wear as a badge of honor. It takes a fortune of force to get through something like this, a fortune of lastingness to come out the early side of it, and he should be proud of that potency. not ashamed of the stigmatize it ’ randomness leave .
I reach out before I make a conscious decision to do therefore, cup his scarred impudence in my hand .
His dark eyes blaze, and I think he ’ sulfur going to shove me away. But in the goal, he doesn ’ t. He barely stands there and lets me stroke my thumb back and forth across his cheek—across his scar—for several long moments .
“ I ’ thousand good-for-nothing, ” I whisper when I can ultimately get my voice past the afflictive hunk of sympathy in my throat. “ This must have hurt dreadfully. ”
He doesn ’ thyroxine answer. rather, he closes his eyes, sinks into my palm, takes one long, shuddering hint .
then he ’ mho pulling back, stepping away, putting real distance between us for the first clock since he snuck up behind me, which on the spur of the moment feels like a life ago .
“ I don ’ t understand you, ” he tells me suddenly, his black-magic voice then quiet that I have to strain to hear him .
“ ‘ There are more things in heaven and hell, Horatio, / Than are dream of in your doctrine, ’ ” I answer, intentionally using his earlier misquotation .
He shakes his oral sex as if trying to clear it. Takes a deep hint, then blows it out lento. “ If you won ’ t leave— ”
“ I can ’ t leave, ” I interject. “ I have nowhere else to go. My parents— ”
“ Are dead. I know. ” He smiles grimly. “ Fine. If you ’ re not going to leave, then you need to listen to me identical, identical carefully. ”

“ What do you— ? ”
“ Keep your head down. Don ’ t spirit excessively closely at anyone or anything. ” He leans forward, his voice dropping to a humble rumble as he finishes. “ And always, always watch your bet on. ”