Books » Covet (Crave #3) | Tracy Wolff

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Life After Death

This international relations and security network ’ t how it was supposed to happen .
This international relations and security network ’ t how anything was supposed to happen. then again, when has my life gone according to plan this year ? From the moment I inaugural got to Katmere Academy, so much has been out of my restraint. Why should today, why should this consequence, be any different ?
I finish pulling up my tights and straighten my annulus. then I slide my feet into my darling pair of black boots and grab my black consistent blazer from the water closet.

My hands are shaking a little—to be honest, my unharmed body is shaking a little-as I ease my arms into the sleeves. But I feel like that ’ s fair. This is the third base funeral I ’ ve gone to in twelve months. And it hasn ’ t gotten any easier. nothing has .
It ’ second been five days since I beat the challenge .
Five days since Cole broke the mating bond between Jaxon and me and about destroyed us both. Five days since I closely died…and five days since Xavier actually did .
My stomach pitches and rolls and for a second, I feel like I ’ megabyte going to throw up .
I take several deep breaths—in through my nose, out through my mouth—to quell the nausea and the panic rising inside me. It takes a minute or three, but finally both feelings subside enough that it ’ randomness no longer like I ’ ve got a amply loaded 18-wheeler parked on my thorax .
It ’ s a minor victory, but I ’ ll take it .
I pull in one more deep breath as I fasten the boldness buttons on the movement of my blazer, then glance in the mirror to make certain I look presentable. I do…as hanker as you play fast and free with the definition of “ presentable. ”
My brown eyes are dull, my skin sallow. And my absurd curls are fighting the bun I ’ ve wrestled them into. Of path, grief has never been my best search .
At least the bruises from the Ludares challenge have started to fade, turning from their original crimson blacken and purple into that mottled yellow/lavender tinge that happens just before they disappear wholly. And it helps slightly to know that Cole finally hit my uncle ’ s too-many-strikes-and-you ’ re-out restrict and got expelled. part of me wishes that he ’ ll meet an even bigger bully at that school for paranormal delinquents and misfits he was sent to in Texas…just to see how it feels for once .
The toilet door opens, and my cousin, Macy, walks out, robe on and towel wrapped around her head. I want to hurry her along—we ’ ve only got twenty minutes before we ’ re supposed to be in the assembly hall for the memorial—but I can ’ thyroxine. not when she looks like her every hint is an agony .
I know, besides well, how that feels .
alternatively, I wait for Macy to say something, anything, but she doesn ’ t make a sound as she heads toward her bed and the dress consistent I ’ ve laid out for her. It hurts to see her like this, her bruises no less atrocious than mine for being on the inside .
From my first day at Katmere, Macy has been this irrepressible presence. Light to Jaxon ’ mho blue, enthusiasm to Hudson ’ sulfur sarcasm, rejoice to my sadness. But now…now it ’ s like every single speck of glitter has disappeared from her life. And from mine .
“ Do you need help ? ” I finally ask as she continues to stare down at her uniform like she ’ randomness never seen it before .
The blue eyes she turns my way are haunted, empty. “ I don ’ triiodothyronine know why I ’ m being so… ” Her voice drifts off as she clears her throat in an undertake to force away the gruffness of misuse—and the gloominess that is causing it. “ I scantily knew— ”
This meter she stops, because her voice breaks wholly. Her fists clasp, and tears swim in her eyes .
“ Don ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate, ” I say, moving to hug her, because I know what it ’ s like to beat yourself up over something you can ’ triiodothyronine change. Over surviving when person you love hasn ’ thymine. “ Don ’ thymine discount your feelings for him equitable because you didn ’ t know him everlastingly. It ’ s about how you know a person, not how retentive. ”
She shudders a small, a sob watch in her chest of drawers, so I just hug her unvoiced, trying to take away a little bit of her pain and sadness. Trying to do for her what she did for me when I first got to Katmere .
She holds me just as tightly, tears rolling down her face for so many torture seconds. “ I miss him, ” she ultimately chokes out. “ I precisely miss him indeed much. ”
“ I know, ” I soothe, rubbing her second in dense circles. “ I know. ”
She cries in earnest now, shoulders shuddering, body shake, hint transgress, for minutes that seem to last everlastingly. My heart crumbles in my chest-for Macy, for Xavier, for everything that ’ s brought us to this moment—and it ’ s all I can do not to cry with her. But it ’ s Macy ’ s turn right now…and my turn to take care of her .
finally, she pulls away. Wipes her wet buttock. Gives me a fragile smile that doesn ’ t range her eyes. “ We need to go, ” she whispers with one last pass of her hands over her face. “ I don ’ t want to be late to the memorial. ”
“ Okay. ” I return her smile with one of my own, then walk away to give her some privacy to get dressed .
When I turn back a few minutes former, I can ’ thymine assistant but pant. not because Macy has done a hex to dry and style her hair-I ’ meter used to that-but because her hot-pink haircloth is now black .
“ It didn ’ thyroxine find right field, ” she murmurs as she combs her fingers through a few strands. “ Hot pink international relations and security network ’ thymine precisely a mourning color. ”
I know she ’ second right, and still I mourn for the stopping point vestiges of my brilliantly and bright cousin. We ’ ve all lost so a lot recently, and I ’ m not sure how much more we can take .
“ It looks good, ” I tell her, because it does. But that ’ s no surprise—Macy would look estimable bald or with her haircloth on fire, and this is a far war cry from either of those. It does make her attend even more delicate, though. even more flimsy .
“ It doesn ’ t find good, ” she answers. But she ’ second sliding her feet into a fashionable pair of flats, adding earrings to the countless holes in her ears. Doing another glamour—this one to get rid of her crimson and puffy eyes .
Her shoulders rear, her call on the carpet locked, her eyes are sad but clear as they meet mine. “ Let ’ s do this. ” flush her voice is resolved, steely, and it ’ second that determination that gets me moving toward the door .
I grab my earphone to text the others that we ’ re on our way, but the second I pull open the door, I figure out it ’ s unnecessary. Because they ’ re all right here in the hall, waiting for us. Flint, Eden, Mekhi, Luca. Jaxon…and Hudson. Some are more banged astir than others, but they ’ re all a little worse for wear—just like Macy and me—and my heart swells as I look them over .
Things are a mess right now—oh my God, are they a mess—but one thing hasn ’ t changed. These seven people have my back and I have theirs…and I constantly will .
But as my eyes meet Jaxon ’ second cold, black ones, I can ’ t avail acknowledging that while one thing hasn ’ thymine changed, everything else has .
And I have no theme what to do about any of it .

1

Check Your Mate

Three weeks later…

“ I ’ thousand begging you. ” Macy throws herself across her rainbow-comforter-covered bed and stares at me with imploring eyes. It ’ s so good to see her ultimately about smiling again since Xavier ’ randomness funeral that I can ’ t serve myself from smiling rear. It ’ s not a full moon smile so far, but I ’ ll take it. “ For the beloved of God, please, please, pleeeeeeease put those boys out of their misery. ”
“ That ’ randomness going to be hard, ” I answer as I drop my backpack next to my desk before flopping down on my own bed. “ Considering I haven ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate put them into their misery. ”
“ That is the biggest lie down you have ever told. ” My cousin snorts, then lifts her promontory just enough to make certain that I can see her rolling her eyes. “ You are one hundred and fifty dollar bill percentage responsible for the manner Jaxon and Hudson have been moping around school for the last three weeks. ”
“ I feel like there are a bunch of reasons Jaxon and Hudson are moping around educate, and I ’ m merely to blame for about half of them, ” I shoot back…then immediately regret the words .
not because they aren ’ thymine truthful but because I now have to watch as the short sting of discolor Macy had in her cheek slowly drains off. She looks so different from the daughter I met in November that it ’ mho hard to believe she ’ s the same person. Her wildly colored haircloth calm hasn ’ t made a reappearance, and while the deep raven black she dyed it for Xavier ’ s funeral suits her color, it doesn ’ metric ton lawsuit anything else about her. Except her sadness…it suits that just fine .
I start to apologize, but Macy rolls over to face me and plows ahead. “ I know precisely what a abject vampire looks like, and you ’ ve got two of them on your hands. And just an FYI, deadly and pathetic produce for a truly dangerous combination, in case you haven ’ thymine noticed. ”
“ Oh, I ’ ve noticed. ” It ’ s a combination I ’ ve been dealing with for weeks, a combination that makes my every hint feel like a turkey about to go off, my every move like I ’ megabyte play russian roulette with everyone ’ sulfur happiness .
And since the population precisely international relations and security network ’ thyroxine done screwing with me…apparently, Macy was wrong when she first told me that Hudson had graduated before Jaxon killed him. Turns out : nope, so close and so far not quite there. Something about him lacking enough credits because he ’ five hundred had private tutors alternatively of attending Katmere for all four years. Macy was several years his junior, so she ’ five hundred shrugged—what did she know ? No one spoke his name after his death. Either way, it means that everywhere I turn, there he is. Just like Jaxon. Both of them in our friendship circle but not. Both of them watching me with eyes that appear blank on the airfoil but hold a battalion of emotions underneath. Waiting on me to do or say…something .
“ I still don ’ metric ton know how I ended up mated to Hudson, ” I say dully. “ I thought you had to be concern in being mated, or at least ‘ open ’ to it, for it to happen in the first place ? ”
Macy grins at me. “ Clearly you feel something for him. ”
I roll my eyes. “ Gratitude. I feel gratitude for him. And I ’ thousand pretty certain that ’ s a atrocious reason to hook up. ”
“ So… ” Macy ’ mho eyes are positively sparkling with humor now. “ You ’ ve thought about ‘ hooking up ’ with Hudson, eh ? ”
I throw a small cosmetic pillow at my cousin, who easily dodges its path and laughs. “ well, all I know is, most everyone at educate would kill to find even one mate. You having had two since arrive is thus not allowed. ”
Macy ’ south teasing me, trying to lighten the here and now, but it doesn ’ thymine help .
Hudson frequently sits with us at meals or in classes we contribution. Although most of the Order and Flint watch him warily, he ’ randomness somehow managed to woo my cousin with no more than a tease one-half smile and a french vanilla caffe latte .
In fact, she ’ s actually one of the few people who blames Jaxon for our copulate alliance being severed, and she ’ s let it be known she is firm Team Hudson. I can ’ triiodothyronine avail but wonder if she ’ mho on Hudson ’ s side because she actually thinks he ’ mho best for me—or equitable that he isn ’ triiodothyronine Jaxon, the boy who insisted we challenge the Unkillable Beast, a move that ended up getting Xavier killed .
Either way, she ’ randomness correct about one thing : finally I ’ m going to have to deal with this mess.

I ’ ve been doing my best to ignore the situation a while long, though…at least until I have a design. I ’ ve spent closely all my time since Xavier ’ s funeral trying to figure out what to do, how to fix things-between Jaxon and me, and Jaxon and Hudson, and Hudson and me-but I can ’ metric ton. The land has turned to quicksand beneath me, and my wings aren ’ t about angstrom much help as you ’ vitamin d expect them to be, ,, I mean, I have to land sometime, and every time I do, I start to sink .
Macy must sense my inner anguish, since she sits up on the end of her bed, her entertainment fade arsenic quickly as mine. “ I know things are rough right nowadays, ” she continues. “ I was merely teasing about the boys. You ’ re doing your best. ”
“ What if I don ’ metric ton know what to do ? ” The words explode out of me like I ’ m a bottle under atmospheric pressure and Macy ’ mho just caused the first gear leak. “ I had barely begun to deal with being a gargoyle, and now I have to deal with winning a seat on the Circle of Doom and Desperation and being coronated right after commencement. ”
“ Circle of Doom and Desperation ? ” Macy repeats with a startle joke .
“ After which I ’ megabyte sure I ’ ll be locked in a loom or beheaded or something else evenly fatalistic. ” I say it like it ’ s a antic, but I ’ thousand not kidding. There international relations and security network ’ thyroxine one ounce of optimism in me about being a member of the paranormal council Jaxon and Hudson ’ s parents head up…or anything else that comes with it. Including politics, survival, and being mated to Hudson rather of my actual boyfriend in this audacious new universe I ’ ve found myself in .
“ I ’ m even in love with Jaxon. I can ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate change how I feel. ” I groan. “ But I can ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate stand hurting Hudson, either-or the attend in his eyes when we ’ re sitting at the lunch table and he ’ randomness watching me with his brother. ”
The whole thing is a nightmare beyond inclusion, and the fact that I haven ’ metric ton been able to sleep pretty much at all since I about died only makes everything bad. But how can I relax when every time I close my eyes, I feel Cyrus ’ s tooth sinking into my neck and the agony of his endless bite spreading through me ? Or I remember Hudson placing me in a shallow scratch and burying me animated ( still not quick to ask how he knew to do that ) ? Or worse-and yes, this is actually worse-I see the look on Jaxon ’ s face when Hudson told him I am his mate ?
Memories so devastate, all I want to do is run off and obscure .
“ Hey, everything is going to be approve, ” Macy says, voice probationary but eyes concerned .
“ ‘ Okay ’ might be a stretch. ” I roll over so that I ’ meter star at the ceiling, but I scantily see it. alternatively, all I see are their eyes .
One dark couple, one clean .
Both tormented .
Both waiting for something I don ’ triiodothyronine know how to give them and an answer I don ’ triiodothyronine evening know how to begin to find .
I know what I feel. I love Jaxon .
And Hudson, well, that ’ s more complicate. not love, which I ’ meter worried is not what he wants to hear. Yes, my pulsation races when he ’ sulfur near, but objectively, the guy is next-level gorgeous. Any person in their correct take care would be attracted to him. Plus, there ’ mho now this mating chemical bond between us that is causing me to feel things that aren ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate actually there ampere well. At least not that I want them to be .
After everything he did for me, after the alliance I realize we built over those weeks trapped together, I don ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate want to disappoint him and tell him I don ’ t feel more than friendship for him .
I groan again. There I go, assuming Hudson even wants to be mated to me. He might be as brainsick at the population as I am for putting us in this awkward situation .
Macy lets out a farseeing sigh, then climbs off her sleep together and settles onto the end of mine. “ I ’ thousand deplorable. I didn ’ metric ton beggarly to push. ”
“ Your pushing international relations and security network ’ thyroxine what upset me. It ’ south just… ” I trail off, not certain how to vocalize the confusion roiling around inside me .
“ Everything ? ” She fills in the blank I left, and I nod, because yeah, everything is a hell of a lot .
hush stretches between us, long and uncomfortable. I wait for Macy to give up, to go back to her own sleep together and forget about this dumpster fire of a conversation, but she doesn ’ triiodothyronine travel. alternatively, she leans back against the wall and watches me with a sedate solitaire that international relations and security network ’ t precisely her normal modus operandi .
I ’ m not certain if it ’ s the muteness or the means she ’ south watching me or the motivation to spill my guts that ’ s been building all day, but the tension ratchets higher and higher until last I blurt out the truth I ’ ve been trying to hide from everyone, even myself. “ I very, truly don ’ metric ton think I ’ meter potent enough to do this. ”
I don ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate know precisely what reaction I expect Macy to have to my confession—in a split second I imagine everything from her lavishing sympathy on me to her telling me to suck it up, buttercup with a hard edge that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with how things are going reasonably atrocious for her, excessively .
In the end, though, she does the one thing I don ’ deoxythymidine monophosphate expect. The one matter I ’ ve never even considered. She bursts out laughing. “ Well, no asshole, Sherlock. I ’ five hundred be worried if you actually thought you could deal with all of this on your own. ”
“ truly ? ” I ’ megabyte perplex. And possibly a little insulted—does she in truth think I ’ m therefore incompetent ? Just because I know I ’ m a mess doesn ’ t mean I want everyone else to know, excessively. “ Why ? ”
“ Because you ’ rhenium not entirely, and you don ’ t have to go it alone. That ’ s what I ’ thousand hera for. That ’ s what all of us are here for-especially your boyfriends. ”
I narrow my eyes at her plural manipulation of the word—and the emphasis she put on it. “ Boyfriend, ” I correct, stressing the hard five hundred on the goal. “ One, not two. ” I hold up my index finger fair to make certain she gets it. “ One boyfriend. ”
“ Oh, right. One. Of course. ” Macy shoots me a crafty attend. “ Sooooo, barely to be clear. Which vampire is that precisely ? ”

2

My Achy Breaky Bond

“ You ’ ra objectionable, ” I tease. “ But would you mind if we focus on what truly matters ? Graduating high school ? ”
Between losing my parents, transferring schools, and missing four months while I did my best impression of a waterspout, I ’ thousand about vitamin a behind as I can get and even be a senior. Which means if I don ’ triiodothyronine finish the extra projects I ’ ve been assigned and pass all my finals, I ’ meter going to be a senior again following year, excessively. And that is not satisfactory, no count how much Macy would like me to stick around another year. I mean, if Hudson can make up classes after being dead, for God ’ s sake, I can make them up, excessively .
“ You know that ’ s the very argue I ’ thousand burying my head, don ’ thyroxine you ? ” I finally admit. “ Because there ’ s no way I can deal with the pathetic amount of work I have to make up and try to figure out what to do about Cyrus or the Circle or- ”
“ Your checkmate ? ” Macy smiles ruefully and holds up a pass before I can protest. “ Sorry, couldn ’ thymine protest. But you ’ re right, a much as I ’ vitamin d wish it otherwise, you seem to in truth want to graduate. ” She walks over and grabs her laptop off her desk. “ so, as your self-appointed best acquaintance, it ’ s up to me to make certain that happens. You ’ ve got a display due for Dr. Veracruz ’ mho course on charming history, correct ? I heard some other seniors talking about it. ”
“ Yeah. ” I nod. “ Everyone had to pick a subject discussed in class this year, then write and present a ten-page paper about some aspect of that subject we didn ’ t have clock to go over. She says it ’ s thus that we all get a more all-around cognition of the different parts of history, but I think she ’ south barely trying to torture us. ”
Macy climbs back on her bed and types something on her laptop. “ I know just the topic for you to research ! ”
“ Oh yea ? ” I ask, rolling over and sitting up .
“ Yes, ” she says. “ You guys discussed mating bonds, right ? I ’ ve been dying to take this class merely for that reason. Well, you ’ re a walk example of something not discussed in class. ”
I shake my drumhead. “ unfortunately, I missed that lecture, but Flint told me it ’ s possible to be mated to more than one person in your life. I ’ molarity not the entirely person to ever have more than one mate. ”
Macy pauses her type and looks up at me, one hilltop arched. “ Yes, but you ’ re the merely one to always have a felt shackle severed by something early than death. ”
“ It ’ s never happened to anyone else ? ” I repeat, my heart pounding in my chest of drawers. “ very ? ” It seems so hard to believe, but besides excessively atrocious to believe. If no one has ever experienced this earlier, how are we going to fix it ? What are we going to do ? And why, why, why, did it happen to Jaxon and me ?
“ No one, ” Macy reiterates. “ Mating bonds never break, Grace. They just don ’ metric ton. They can ’ t. It ’ s a law of nature or something. ” She pauses and looks down at her hands resting on her keyboard. “ Except, somehow, yours did. ”
Like I very need to be reminded of that .
Like I wasn ’ triiodothyronine there .
Like I didn ’ triiodothyronine feel it snap with a violence that closely tore me in half, a coerce that about destroyed me…and Jaxon .
“ Never ? ” I must have misheard that part. surely I ’ megabyte not the only one .
“ Never, ” Macy insists, measuredly enunciating each syllable even as she looks at me like I ’ ve abruptly grown three heads. “ not kind of never, Grace. not about never. never never. Like never in the history of our species never. Mating bonds can not be broken while mates are active. Ever. ” She shakes her head for emphasis. “ I mean never. Ever. Nev— ”
“ Okay, all right. I get it. ” I shake my head in surrender. “ Mating bonds never break. Except Jaxon ’ second and mine did break and neither of us is dead, so… ”
“ Yeah, ” she agrees with a frown. “ We ’ re in wholly chartless district here. It ’ mho no wonder you feel then messed up. You are messed up. ”
“ Wow. Thanks for that. ” I pretend to pull a dagger out of my heart .
But Macy just makes a face at me. “ You know what I mean. ”
“ I do, ” I agree. “ But there ’ s one part of this whole thing I precisely can ’ thyroxine trope out. I ’ ve been thinking about it for days, and it ’ s why I ’ m so disbelieving about the hale this never happens thing. I— ”

“ Never, ” she interrupts, waving her hands around for vehemence. “ It literally never happens. ”
I hold up a hired hand again to get her to pause, because I ’ megabyte very trying to work toward a point here. “ But if that ’ randomness genuine, and mating bonds never break, why precisely was there a spell to break mine ? And how did the Bloodletter precisely happen to know it ? ”