NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • “This book is a gift! I’ve been practicing their strategies, and it’s a total game-changer.”—Brené Brown, PhD, author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Dare to LeadThis groundbreaking book explains why women experience burnout differently than men—and provides a simple, science-based plan to help women minimize stress, manage emotions, and live a more joyful life. … emotions, and live a more joyful life.
Burnout. Many women in America have experienced it. What’s expected of women and what it’s really like to be a woman in today’s world are two very different things—and women exhaust themselves trying to close the gap between them. How can you “love your body” when every magazine cover has ten diet tips for becoming “your best self”? How do you “lean in” at work when you’re already operating at 110 percent and aren’t recognized for it? How can you live happily and healthily in a sexist world that is constantly telling you you’re too fat, too needy, too noisy, and too selfish?
Sisters Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, are here to help end the cycle of feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Instead of asking us to ignore the very real obstacles and societal pressures that stand between women and well-being, they explain with compassion and optimism what we’re up against—and show us how to fight back. In these pages you’ll learn
• what you can do to complete the biological stress cycle—and return your body to a state of relaxation
• how to manage the “monitor” in your brain that regulates the emotion of frustration
• how the Bikini Industrial Complex makes it difficult for women to love their bodies—and how to defend yourself against it
• why rest, human connection, and befriending your inner critic are keys to recovering and preventing burnout
With the help of eye-opening science, prescriptive advice, and helpful worksheets and exercises, all women will find something transformative in these pages—and will be empowered to create positive change. Emily and Amelia aren’t here to preach the broad platitudes of expensive self-care or insist that we strive for the impossible goal of “having it all.” Instead, they tell us that we are enough, just as we are—and that wellness, true wellness, is within our reach.
NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY BOOKRIOT
“Burnout is the gold standard of self-help books, delivering cutting-edge science with energy, empathy, and wit. The authors know exactly what’s going on inside your frazzled brain and body, and exactly what you can do to fix it. . . . Truly life-changing.”—Sarah Knight, New York Times bestselling author of Calm the F*ck Down
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This is the book I’m going to be putting in all my friends’ hands. A great, thought-provoking take on dealing with burnout as a woman. Lots of interesting science and valuable advice. I’ll be keeping this one on my shelf.
I first heard about this book on the Smart Bitches podcast and thought it sounded interesting, so when I saw it on Netgalley, I requested it immediately. I burned out last year and ended up leaving my job. Anything that would help with my recovery would be most welcome.
This book made sense. A lot of the stuff you get told to do to protect your mental health – meditate, take ‘me time’, colour in etc – and that sometimes it can feel like yet another thing you have to do. The advice in this book felt different. It helped me make sense of how I was feeling and gave practical suggestions on what to do about it.
The book differentiates between the stress and the stressors. It teaches you how to handle the stress. It’s not a quick fix, but the suggestions do make sense. So far, I’ve tried a few things they’ve suggested and they have helped. Most of all, it’s reminded me not to judge myself too harshly. Turns out, that’s something I do a lot. It also turns out, I’m not along in that!
The book is aimed at women, but I’m going to buy a copy for my husband because I think it is useful for men too. There’s a lot about the patriarchy, but the definition of the patriarchy is such that it’s not about railing against individual men per se, but about the patriarchal society that has pushed us all into unrealistic roles.
I think this is one of the most important books I’ve read in years.
Burnout is the gold standard of self-help books, delivering cutting-edge science with energy, empathy, and wit. The authors know exactly what’s going on inside your frazzled brain and body, and exactly what you can do to fix it… Truly life-changing.
This books had a lot of pros and cons. Some really good points about stress levels of many women in some cultures right now, particularly US culture. Good explanation of the patriarchy in terms that didn’t get nasty about the men that share the planet with us. But some points where I felt like the book was too limited in the types of women it was talking about, and the levels of privilege those women have, ie, some places seemed like it would be mostly useful for, hm, standard issue middle class white ladies in the US.
Every woman should read this book.
As an expert in burnout and compassion fatigue, I often recommend books to professional helpers who are managing stressful careers. What I liked about this book is that it speaks clearly to the person experiencing stress. It speaks directly into the heart and mind of those who have no idea how to manage their stress response. Do I fight? Do I flee? Do I put my head under a pillow and hope that the stressor goes away? Instead of doing any of those things, pick up “Burnout: The secret to unlocking the stress cycle” and gain valuable insight about managing stress in your personal and professional life.
This is the feminist self help book you need!
This was an interesting read but occasionally confusing with all the names! A unique take on burnout.
Motivated me to leap into my own self-discovery and self-care journey. LOVE THESE WOMEN!
Someday I will look back on this time in my life and point to this book as when it all changed. Yes. It’s that good. I’m a huge fan of Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are. In it, she briefly explored unlocking the stress cycle and it gave me so much to think about. A whole book co-written with her sister dedicated to the topic? Music to my ears and boy, did it deliver.
The introduction and first chapter blew my mind, right from the get-go and it only got better from there. There are so many takeaways that I don’t even know where to start. The beauty of this book is the way the Nagoskis lay out their insights. The chapters build on each other in a way that allows you to digest the information but also figure out how to incorporate it in to your life.
I wish this book had existed 15 years ago! I don’t know if I’d still be a social worker but I would have managed my career differently. This book helped me see how it didn’t matter how airtight my self-care practices were and why burnout happened anyway. It also showed me why I’ve been exhausted the last few years, even though I have more margin than ever—I did not know to label my current experience as burnout but it makes so much sense. I have not done a good job of completing the stress cycle and now I have more ideas and tools on how to do that.
I also appreciate the way they name and call out the patriarchy. It’s a huge layer of what women experience and I hadn’t thought about the specific and pernicious ways it impacts burnout and my sense of well-being. Yes, I can point to the ways the patriarchy has negatively impacted my life and the complicated emotions I carry or are dragged up by the news. But since this is how it’s always been, even if the #metoo movement is starting to bring about some changes, I never thought about the year after year toll. It was so helpful and validating to read those sections and be reminded that it’s not okay.
One chapter I want to mention is The Bikini Industrial Complex, which taught me that the Body Mass Index (BMI) is complete junk. It was created by a panel of nine people, seven of whom were employed by weight loss clinics. WEIGHT LOSS CLINICS. This was infuriating to read about. I haven’t stopped railing against the lobbyists who sold us out and and every doctor who took junk science at face value and used it against their patients. Screw them all.
Clearly the book made me angry in places—stupid patriarchy. But it was also extremely moving and engaging. I laughed and I cried. Burnout was not just a game-changer. It was life-altering. Every person who identifies as a woman would benefit from reading it. I’m so grateful to Emily and Amelia for writing it.
Reading Burnout, I knew this was not just another self-help book that keeps us trapped by the idea of female inadequacy. It turns our struggle with stress on its head and paves a meaningful path to what the authors call “growing mighty” by bravely dropping in thoroughly contemporary and refreshing truth bombs, like, yeah, the patriarchal system is the issue, and goddamn it’s time we play by our own rules!
In Burnout, Emily and Amelia Nagoski deconstruct the stress we experience as women, and their compassionate, science-based advice on how to release it made me cry with gratitude and relief. Repeatedly. In public. The book is that revolutionary and its authors that wonderful and wise.
“Burnout” got my attention with the title. As a working mom who is always feeling a bit overwhelmed, I knew many other women share the same struggles in taking good care of ourselves and trying not to do too much. Stress becomes an albatross that few can remove from their necks, and I figured reading a book like this might provide some insight on how to better balance this crazy life.
What I found were two women who have experienced both the negatives and positives of stress. It is not really how much stress we take on, but how we deal with the stressors. I could list many examples of times when I knew I was doing too much, but still kept pushing myself. Often I found I ended up sick or feeling sad. There are many reasons why women can’t stop saying “yes” to all those things vying for our attention, and Emily and Amelia take turns addressing why, specifically calling the big issue “Human Giver Syndrome.” We give, and we give and we give…but never take anything for ourselves or think of self-care. So we end up facing burnout.
This is a mainstream publishing book, so be prepared for some coarse language, but honestly, I just kept pressing on through that to get to the good stuff. And believe me when I say there is a LOT of useful, helpful information here. I would recommend this book to any woman who finds herself continually putting herself last, even to her detriment. I learned a lot about the physical and physiological reasons why long term stress can be deadly, and I think this should be read by those who think that you can keep running at this pace with no ill side effects. These authors are new to me, but I believe I will look their other books up. This is one to read through slowly so you can benefit from the information given and put those new skills to work.
I appreciated the opportunity to review early from #NetGalley and Penguin Random House. All opinions are my own and I was not required to leave a review.