From New York Times Bestseller Mimi Jean Pamfiloff comes BATTLE OF THE BULGE, Book Four of the OHellNO Series. (A Standalone.)“Chicks can’t be bodyguards. Especially hot chicks.”MY NAME IS MITCH HOFER. I’m a world-famous swimmer from Australia, best known for three things: my gold medals, my looks, and filling out a swimsuit with my…eh-hem–bulky equipment. Let’s just say there’s a reason my … equipment. Let’s just say there’s a reason my nickname is “the Bulge.”
But beyond the fame, sponsors, and glory, there’s more to me than people know, including one hell of a mess I’ve gotten mixed up in. Life-or-death stuff, so bring in the professionals. Just don’t give me a chick bodyguard. Especially a young hot one who distracts me at every turn and hates my guts…
MY NAME IS ABI CARTER, and I hate Mitch Hofer. Yeah, he might be the sexiest champion swimmer in the world, but I’d give this guy a gold medal for being a first-class jerk.
Unfortunately, my boss has given me a choice–guard Mitch or get another job. And I really need the money. I can be professional, but if Mitch says “chicks can’t be bodyguards” one more time, I just might strangle him myself.
Still, something about the way Mitch keeps looking at me makes me think there’s more to his story. It’s almost as if he’s trying to drive me away. But why?
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He is The Bulge. She is supposed to be his Owl. It is a battle of the sexes. Or not. Hoo knows? Twists and turns, naughty euphemisms, laughter, bizarre swimwear, and a bit of anxiety make this book fantastically entertaining.
What do a reformed geek/nerd have in common with a hunk of a swimmer and his hired security team? A one nightstand? No… well maybe…
She’s the owl. The eyes and ears of the detail. The detail assigned to keep a competitive swimmer safe and secure. Can Abi go the distance prove to Mitch that there is more to her than being owl-candy (eye-candy get it)? Or does she show that she can kick just as had as any swimmer?
This is hot read. Fast paced with a lot of snarky attitude. I recommend this book. Mimi Jean knows how to stroke a great story
lost me after 3 chapters
Mimi Jean, great humor!
I laughed out loud while reading this book. The characters were fun to read about. There was suspense, romance, and very entertaining. I am enjoying the series very much.
When I first picked up this book, I was skeptical about a female bodyguard for a male. It just doesn’t scream alpha male hero. But I was pleasantly surprised that the female character was likable and witty when I otherwise might not have liked her. It was slightly unbelievable that this woman would be a bodyguard for this man at a company that was run by former military. On the other hand, I see that this is a part of a series, which I didn’t realize when I started. It’s possible that had I read the other books, I would have seen attributes in the female that would have led this story to be more believable for me. There were times that I felt the story wasn’t quite believable, like the whole Craigslist assassin list. It just seemed really out there. However, the book had enough humor and wit that none of these things were a big issue for me. I enjoyed the book and sometimes that’s all that really matters. I would recommend this series and author to all.
I couldn’t put it down, I need more
Book was amazing!!!
I really like this series of books. I think this book was my favorite. I can’t wait for the next in this series. I couldn’t put it down.
Mimi Jean Pamfiloff did not disappoint with this one! I laughed so hard that I was crying! Abi has just completed her body guard training and has gotten a job guarding someone she is not looking forward to guarding. But hey, she’s a professional right? Abi cracked me up with her humor and the insane names she came up with. I loved this book and look forward to more.
It was awesome seeing some familiar names from previous books in the series. I would recommend reading them in order to get the full effect
Battle of the Bulge was absolutely amazing!! Hilarious, witty, sassy, some of the best and inventive insults between Abi and Georgie. This book had it all and then some.
Mitch is a gold medal placing swimmer, who’s sex on a pair of legs, has a very delectable Aussie accent and also in endanger. Like someone really wants him dead. Abi will tell u how it is, she’s smart, sassy, smart ass and now she’s a bodyguard……. well sort of. Abi needs a job and Sam hires her and tells Abi her first assignment. It’s Mitch. The attraction between the two is electric but probably not as much as the hate she has for man.
Mimi did amazing job on bringing Abi and Mitch to life and bringing our favs for quick visit. Can’t wait for the next book
**RECEIVED THIS ARC IN EXCHANGE FOR A HONEST REVIEW**
GO READ THIS ONE!!!!!
OHellNo, another winner in this series
This is the best book in this series so far, in my opinion. Such a fun read that had me laughing and smiling throughout the entire book. A must read for the dedicated rom-com fan! You won’t be disappointed!
This, this was a great book- Mitch was hilarious and I just couldn’t stop reading. MJP has set very high expectations for a great combo of story and humor and this book did NOT disappoint! Honestly, if you’re looking for a great fast paced read with lots of LOL moments in awkward places, this is it!
I’m always looking forward to Mimi’s book, you honestly never know what you’re going to get. And this was such a treat to read. I’m a bit late to this series, mainly for the lack of reading because I own the previous three … I enjoyed every moment of Battle of the Bulge and the title just cracks me up.
We’ve got a wicked smart, quick and unique heroine. She’s definitely someone I never expected with being a shy female bodyguard. Abi is amazing at her job and is so protective of those she loves, which kind of says alot when it comes to the jerk that she has to watch over. But my goodness, the loathing is deep for her current client, who she just happens to have a little bit of a history with. As much as she wants to quit, this job pays well and she needs the money to stay afloat.
Since I don’t really want to refer to this guy as ‘the Bulge’, we’ll use his real name, Mitch. Besides being an absolute a** to Abi every waking moment they’re around each other, you can quickly sense that there’s more to this guy than what we see. And that definitely kept things a bit suspenseful because someone is after him and he’s hoping he’ll come out of this alive.
If at most, both of these characters are a walking contradiction, but once the truth is out there, you’ll be certain that they couldn’t be more perfect for each other.
Their story pulled at my heart more than I expected it to, yes everything about this book is very much a romcom. But Mimi just puts the right amount of angst to really get your heart going. Absolutely loved their story and can’t wait to go back and start this series from book 1.
Major thank you to the author for the reader’s copy!
Mimi Jean Pamfiloff
My goodness this one got me by the heart strings….. Loved this emotional, sexy, fun, action packed and thrilling romantic adventure filled with danger, secrets, sexy bodyguards and oh so fun to watch them try to deny passion….. In true epic storyteller fashion this is snarky, witty, sassy, intriguing and has a lovely surprising heart pounding twist.
Abi’s first client in her new bodyguard gig is the man she despises – Mitch Hofer. He of the big um bulge. The swimming god. Yeah THAT Mitch. But if she wants the money from this new job that she went through bodyguard bootcamp from hell for, then she has to suck it up and try not to strangle her first client. Yikes.
Mitch only loves swimming, not women, not other humans. He’s got a deliberately fabricated playboy image and it’s put Abi off him. He doesn’t want the gorgeous tiny woman guarding him and his secrets. But when she takes a bullet for him, he realizes he actually has feelings for her. What’s a swimming god to do?
I loved Battle of the Bulge!! It’s so fun and funny and witty and sexy. And the best part of it is Abi. She’s a serious firecracker in all the very best ways – tough on the outside, snarky and hilarious (especially with her best friend, Georgie from Digging a Hole), and takes no prisoners. It took me longer to like Mitch, though, because he really was douchey for quite a long while. But once he opened up a little I kinda fell for him. I’m still not sure he’s good enough for Abi, but she loves him so he gets a big pass. Well, that and because of his sweet gesture toward the end that rushed him headlong into his epiphany. I haven’t read any of the other books in the OhHellNo series, but after reading and loving this one, I will be sure to go 1-click them all now!
Favorite Quotes:
There’s a market for everything these days. Example: the horrible swimsuits Mr. Jackass wears from his sponsor, Weeno. They have things like panda or elephant faces on the front, positioned just so, in order to make the animal’s nose protrude like little penis puppets.
A generous salami does not make up for his despicable personality.
We cussed like two pirates at a rum festival.
Damn, someone should write a bad country song about it…Kissed at dusk. Dumped at dawn. Pumped my heart into a sad, sad song. And cue twangy slide guitar.
I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to have men just look at me like a piece of eye candy. … I’ll find out tonight… My dress is so tight you can see my ovaries.
She takes one look at me, and her smile drops. “Dear, are you all right? I own cotton balls with more color.”
My Review:
I smirked, giggle-snorted, and laughed aloud throughout this delightfully irreverent read. I adore Mimi Jean Pamfiloff’s clever humor, witty wordplay, and endearingly flawed characters. She has a cheeky writing style that I will never tire of.
4.5 stars! Fun romance with great banter!
“His complex. It’s so toxic that it’s like some radioactive leprosy that eats away at the female brain. It’s how he gets so many women to sleep with him.”
Abi Carter has just been through brutal training for her new job as a female bodyguard. However, she’s horrified when she finds out that her new assignment will mean spending time with Mitch Hofer. The one body she’d prefer to kill rather than save!
“Abi is a nice girl. The type us men live to fight for, not the other way around.”
Mitch Hofer is arrogant and nasty. He treated Abi like dirt in the past. His life is in danger but he refuses to live it any other way apart from normally. Female bodyguards have no place in his life – how on earth is little Abi supposed to save a strapping man like him? He’s determined to make her quit, but what he doesn’t know is that she needs this job desperately. However, as meanly as he treats her, does he really dislike her that much?
“It’s always been my dream to save a world-famous swimmer from drowning in his own stupidity.”
I love this series and this book is a fab addition. Mitch and Abi are full of snark and their exchanges are funny. Abi is smart, feisty and a tiny bit awkward. I loved her soft heart and her determination to do her job. Mitch is sooooooo arrogant and cocky. He’s so easy to dislike but you just know there’s more to him lurking beneath the manwhore exterior, and more to his behaviour than at first glance.
A funny, hate-love romance!
Battle of the Bulge is a short, fun read and is book number four in Mimi Jean Pamfiloff’s OHellNO series. College student Abi Carter is desperate for money to help her mother out with her failing interior design business and to use to finish her last semester of college. She completes a specialized training program and goes to work as a bodyguard to Olympic swimmer and Weeno swimsuit model, Mitch Hofer. The only problem? She and Mitch have a history and they sort of hate each other! Will Abi be able to keep the hardheaded athlete alive considering the million dollar bounty on his head that’s drawing all the professional (and not so professional) assassins out of the woodwork?
Mimi Jean never fails to disappoint in the comedic department. Enter Abi, nerd girl trained to become a bodyguard for someone in her past, the Bulge. I love the OHellNo series by Mimi Jean Pamfiloff. I have enjoyed the entertaining factors that the heroines are so relatable. You don’t know what you are going to get with each book and Battle of the Bulge is no exception. This story was enjoyable from the beginning all the way through to the end. If you love a good laugh as well as a great love story I highly suggest this one.