“American Daughter–in the tradition of classics like The Glass Castle, LA Diaries and White Oleander–explores in unsparing details the complex interplay between intimate family ties, generational abuse and cataclysmic losses.” – Gina Frangello, Author of ‘Every Kind of Wanting’ and ‘A Life in Men’ Editor of The Coachella ReviewFor 50 years, Stephanie Thornton Plymale kept her past a fiercely … guarded secret. No one outside her immediate family would ever have guessed that her childhood was fraught with every imaginable hardship: a mentally ill mother who was in and out of jails and psych wards throughout Stephanie’s formative years, neglect, hunger, poverty, homelessness, truancy, foster homes, a harrowing lack of medical care, and ongoing sexual abuse. Stephanie, in turn, knew very little about the past of her mother, from whom she remained estranged during most of her adult life. All this changed with a phone call that set a journey of discovery in motion, leading to a series of shocking revelations that forced Stephanie to revise the meaning of almost every aspect of her very compromised childhood. American Daughter is at once the deeply moving memoir of a troubled mother-daughter relationship and a meditation on trauma, resilience, transcendence, and redemption. Stephanie’s story is unique but its messages are universal, offering insight into what it means to survive, to rise above, to heal, and to forgive.
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Horribly sad and tragic look at how trauma impacts multiple generations of a family. It was fascinating how when Stephanie finally learned of her mother’s past, it changed her entire perspective of her mother. Ultimately, though, her mother’s trauma doesn’t excuse the absolute neglect and indifference she inflicted on her own children (also, why didn’t her family step in to help either her or her kids? Unbelievable.). And, after all of that, I have to wonder: is Stephanie getting any help for herself now?
The part that really grated on me, though, was Stephanie’s relationship with her husband Jim. He was selfish, pushy, absent and manipulative; she was selfish, melodramatic and uncompromising. While they seem to have “worked out” whatever, neither one really seemed to actually have an awakening/understanding of their unhealthy behaviors and dynamic and I can’t help but think they’re going to wind up right back where they were.
I received an ARC from HarperOne through NetGalley for an honest review. This was a difficult book to read but it was also a book I couldn’t stop reading. It is written by Stephanie Thornton Plymale, Elissa Wald, and is Stephanie’s story. It is about the relationship she had with her mother who was mentally ill. The abuse, and neglect, homelessness, and foster care. Her mother was in and out of jail or hospitals. Many people asked Stephanie about all she had endured how was she able to become the person she was. At age 50 Stephanie got a call from her mother who told her she had stage 4 cancer and not much time to live. Stephanie made the decision to go see her mother and try to find out her roots. Her mother told her some stories and Stephanie thought she was delusional and really didn’t believe her. When she told her husband they decided to see if the story was real or not. The story was so horrendous and shocking and her mother was only a little girl at the time but to find out it was real was hard to read but I had to read it.
There is a lot of mental illness and a lot of time it isn’t talked about, thought about., and people just don’t know what to do. This book opened my eyes to mental illness, what a child goes through, how one survives the things Stephanie and her mother endured, and how a child can rise above it all and create a better life for herself.
I am glad the book was written and even though there were times I found it difficult, I knew I had to read the book. I learned a lot, I have a better understanding of mental illness and what it does to the family.
Homeless, shuffled from foster home to foster home, Stephanie never understood why she was dealt the bad hand. All she wanted was a family. A home. Food. A mother and father. Years later, she did get all these thing, yet had no knowledge or understanding the wicked past her mother endured. Until time began to run out.
As a young girl, helping to raise her own siblings, Stephanie was embarrassed, and even angry from the lies her mother told. “I from royalty, the descendant of our first president,” her mother would rant at each arrest. Living in squalor, Stephanie detested the disillusion of grandeur her mother had.
Then comes a phone call from her dying mother. She has only a small amount of time to find out the truth. A truth built on pain, suffering, and the lies of others. What she discovers is shocking. And a mother she never really knew…until the end.