One story. Two endings. Genuine and fictional. Which ending is yours?What do you say to someone who is dying? And what do you say when that someone can’t understand a word you are saying? How do you comfort each other throughout… and beyond?My love, if you go away in a few days, the world will lose its colors and darken like the land of Mordor. If you go away and leave me to wander aimlessly, … you go away and leave me to wander aimlessly, alone in this sea become wild, like a ship with a broken rudder and drowned sailors, and if I don’t find comfort in the warmth of your body, clutched in my embrace at the end of the day, I’m afraid I won’t survive.
“I don’t regret anything. Marcel was not only my cat, he was my everything. My brother, my friend, my world shrank in a soft gray-striped furry ball.”—Bernard Jan
Powerful. Emotional. Honest.
Buy this heartfelt and moving novella.
Translated into English by Bernard Jan
Editing and proofreading by Philip Newey, Thomas Carley Jr. and Kath Middleton
Cover design by Mario Kožar MKM Media
Cover photo by Zach Singh
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When you lose a cherished pet, sometimes the loss is so inexplicable, all you can do is cry. When I had to let go of my ten-year-old shiba inu just about a year ago, it was a painful 2-week process. It is nearly impossible to put into words for most people how you go about making the decision to end an animal’s pain, begin your own, and suffer the consequences. Not impossible tho, as proven by Bernard Jan in the second book of his I’ve read this year. Jan lost his beloved cat, Marcel, and shares the emotional turmoil he encountered throughout the process.
This book is ~100 pages covering the three days when Jan and his family know they have to say goodbye. His words and imagery are stellar… honestly… he captures all those emotions pet-parents go through trying to rationalize our decisions, understand the whys, convince ourselves we will be okay, and determine how or if we can lean on anyone around us. By showcasing Marcel’s movements and struggles, we see the pain Jan’s family has gone through. It is visceral and constant. It is harsh and definitive. It is widespread and menacing.
I had to put the book down several times as it brought me to tears thinking of my own pet loss this year. Jan is brave. He shares everything from the moment he adopted the cat to the treasures of their ~15 year life together. As a younger guy suffering through this, he’s developing all his emotions and reactions to something he’s truly not ready to handle. I say this not because Jan’s not strong enough (he is), but because this is one of his earliest life experiences dealing with death. It is never easy. But to write about it and share those feelings, notions, worries, and sighs of relief when it’s all over (even tho it really isn’t) is remarkable.
Translated into English, the creators of this version are masterful in their descriptions. The comparisons… similes… references… moments… all bring readers to experience as closely as possible what the author experienced. If you’ve never gone thru it, it’s probably not fully apparent. Human loss is different… agreeably more harsh in most circumstances, but when your pet cannot talk to tell you what kind of pain they have, you are the sole person responsible for deciding how to help them.
I felt the intensity from Jan’s writing, and I recommend this for anyone who has a pet and/or is coping with [or the potential] loss. It might not be a good idea to read it as you’re going thru it depending on what kind of person you are and how you handle grief, but it’s something you should read when you are starting to recover. Thank you for sharing this truly humbling work, Bernard Jan.
Heart-wrenching!
Wow. Such an incredibly touching story. My heart ached with emotion. Those who have never had a beloved pet would never understand the gravity of losing one, but if they read this, it would be impossible not to glimpse the pain associated with the loss of one. Well written and bittersweet.
5 Stars
A World Without Color: A True Story of the Last Three Days With My Cat by Bernard Jan is a heartfelt story about the loss of his cat Marcel to Diabetes. While it may seem a macabre topic, the story itself is an incredibly moving and powerful ‘tribute’ to his friend and companion. I’m not going to lie- this book broke me! It didn’t hit close to home- it hit dead centre! On the 15th of September my fur-ever friend Max (my 13 year-old Burmese Cat) died from diabetes. I am still raw from the whole experience- so this book was entirely too relatable.
The raw, and honest account is heart-wrenching to say the least. But the story is so much more than that. It is a story of love, friendship, family, bonds, comfort, grief, and healing- and I really appreciate Bernard Jan sharing his thoughts and emotions with us in this poignant and memorable story.
Thank you, Bernard Jan!
I’m more of a dog person than a cat person, but I do love all animals nonetheless. This book is out of my usual read, but it rang very resonating and I’ve had my eye on this author. After seeing that it was a gold metal finalist in it’s category in the Readers Favorite international book awards, I couldn’t pass it up. It’s been downloaded on my kindle for quite some time now, and last night I was finally able to pick it up. I read it all in one sitting, I cried and cried.
Bernard spent 15 years loving this animal, so it’s no wonder that the last three days of the pets life was such an emotional time. What I love most about this book is the writing. It’s beautifully poetic, and every sentence just reads so smooth and impactful. I’ve lost a few pets, but none with such a long lifespan. This poor kitty was in rough shape, and the last three days of it’s life was spent being cared for through the pains of everything that age can and did present. I would have liked a little more reflection on memories of it’s best years. I’ve never read a memoir quite like this one, and I highly recommend it for anyone who is currently or recently experiencing loosing a loved pet. Greif is a tough thing to endure, so to find a book to relate to could most certainly help.
What done it for me, as I said before, is the writing in general. Bernard has quite the talent. His way with words is authentic and absolutely inspiring. 4 stars for me.