The New York Times bestseller and Read with Jenna TODAY SHOW Book Club pick telling the story of three generations of Palestinian-American women struggling to express their individual desires within the confines of their Arab culture in the wake of shocking intimate violence in their community.
A GOODREADS CHOICE AWARDS FINALIST FOR BEST FICTION AND BEST DEBUT • BOOKBROWE’S BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR… FINALIST FOR BEST FICTION AND BEST DEBUT • BOOKBROWE’S BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • A MARIE CLAIRE BEST WOMEN’S FICTION OF THE YEAR • A REAL SIMPLE BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR • A POPSUGAR BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR ALL WRITTEN BY FEMALES
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“Garnering justified comparisons to Khaled Hosseini’s A Thousand Splendid Suns… Etaf Rum’s debut novel is a must-read about women mustering up the bravery to follow their inner voice.” —Refinery 29
“Where I come from, we’ve learned to silence ourselves. We’ve been taught that silence will save us. Where I come from, we keep these stories to ourselves. To tell them to the outside world is unheard of—dangerous, the ultimate shame.”
Palestine, 1990. Seventeen-year-old Isra prefers reading books to entertaining the suitors her father has chosen for her. Over the course of a week, the naïve and dreamy girl finds herself quickly betrothed and married, and is soon living in Brooklyn. There Isra struggles to adapt to the expectations of her oppressive mother-in-law Fareeda and strange new husband Adam, a pressure that intensifies as she begins to have children—four daughters instead of the sons Fareeda tells Isra she must bear.
Brooklyn, 2008. Eighteen-year-old Deya, Isra’s oldest daughter, must meet with potential husbands at her grandmother Fareeda’s insistence, though her only desire is to go to college. Deya can’t help but wonder if her options would have been different had her parents survived the car crash that killed them when Deya was only eight. But her grandmother is firm on the matter: the only way to secure a worthy future for Deya is through marriage to the right man.
But fate has a will of its own, and soon Deya will find herself on an unexpected path that leads her to shocking truths about her family—knowledge that will force her to question everything she thought she knew about her parents, the past, and her own future.
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Fabulous book, so interesting to learn how tragic lives can be after the miracle of birth. So informative right from the start, definitely a page turner.
Etaf Rum takes you on a journey into the intimate lives of her characters in her debut novel “A Woman is No Man”. In the beginning of the story, Isra has hope in the idea of having the love of a young man, Adam, who has agreed to marry her. Then there’s also the essence of hope of having more choices, and more freedom, but also fear as the young couple will be living America. The reader alike will share in this hope and expectancy and the unknown for Isra and Adam and all they have to look forward to.
The story quickly takes a turn when you get better aquainted with Adam’s mother, Isra’s mother-in-law, and her expectations and demeanor; and unfortunately it’s not any better than Isra’s own mother. Instead of a bond you would hope to find between the two, Fareeda only adds to the turmoil of Isra’s life, especially after her first baby is born, when it’s a daughter and not a son.
I enjoyed seeing the story from both Isra’s and her daughter, Deya’s, perspectives and even Fareeda’s point of view at times.
The reality of Isra’s situation kept me depressed for most of the book and I usually like to read more uplifting stories where there’s a happy ending. But I cannot deny that I’m thankful the author has brought this, very true to many, culture to life so that we can experience the hardships, pain, and heartbreak of these women who feel they have no other choice.
The author has done an outstanding job of bringing her characters to life and giving them each an individual voice.
A Woman Is No Man is Etaf Rum’s debut novel and an astounding one at that and it is a story I will not soon forget.
Wow, this book was an eye-opener. It deals with the modern Arab woman living in America, and how restrictive and abusive their culture is, despite living in the land of the “free”–at least for the characters in this book. The author grew up in this environment, so some of the experiences are taken from her circles. A brave book. Heart wrenching. And full of courage.
A real eye opener into the life of Muslim women.
This book was very well written. I learned about the plight of Palestinian women in the United States as well as Palestine. It was depressing. I wasn’t fond of most of the characters. They were well developed but unlikeable.
This book has amazing reviews from both readers and critics. It’s very eye-opening, and I especially recommend the author’s notes at the end, which explain her sincere and important concerns regarding what she’s exposing about Palestinian culture, most particularly how frequently and almost casually women are physically abused. The novel portrays very well how utterly confined and limited women are in traditional Palestinian society, prevented from pursuing education and/or careers, their role strictly to accept an arranged marriage very early and provide a husband with domestic service and…sons. Girls are not only not valued, but seen as a liability, and a wife feels guilty and responsible for burdening her husband with daughters.
All of this is dramatically and graphically portrayed in the story by Etaf Rum about three generations of Palestinians living in New York, the original immigrants having moved because they were displaced and driven from their homes by Israelis. The very slow movement toward assimilation in America is bitterly fought by the elders, including the women who are themselves abuse victims and know the second generation is regularly brutally beaten in their arranged marriages. The protagonist, herself sent to America with a family who’d returned to Palestine to find their son a dutiful young traditional wife, first dreams of love and a new life, but is rudely and quickly awakened. She later finds some small hope in moments stolen to read books smuggled in to her. and begins to find a sense of self even while having to learn how to muffle her own cries and hide bruises. Hope is fragile and may be futile for some of these women. A few may literally escape,or their daughters may, the author seems to suggest.
Some readers may find the ending confusing. Should that happen, go back to the “one happy family memory” that the oldest daughter has (in the electronic edition, I believe it is on or about p. 280). If you re-read that, the ending will make sense.
Because the book details so much repetitive and steadily increasing abuse, it can feel almost stifling, as though not much different happens. That is probably accurate.
Enjoyed this book. Cultural themes and interesting to look behind the curtain.
3.5 stars
First, full confession, I read this book in bits and pieces. The first half I read back in October. Before I could finish the story, I left to go out of state for over a month and this was a library book, so it got put aside. I was able to pick it back up, months later, to finally finish. This doesn’t reflect on the writing or story though. I enjoyed both.
The first few chapters sucked me in, but then things slowed down a bit for me. While I was enjoying the characters and getting to know them, there was nothing keeping me rooted in the story. This book is told from three different points of view as well as different time periods. I actually enjoyed that aspect of the story. And while I usually like shorter chapters like most of this book has, I think at the beginning portion of this story that may have been the reason I wasn’t fully invested. Likely because I wasn’t able to really get to fully know any of the characters on a deeper level until the book was about halfway done.
Oh, the parallels in this story! While each woman seemed to hate the decisions her mother made, it seems they couldn’t help but fall into the same patterns. All while thinking a woman should be able to speak up, yet never speaking up themselves. It wouldn’t be “proper”. It’s how things are done. All of the oldest reasons in the book. Each of their reasons for sticking with the status quo were valid, yet they felt their own reasons were valid while the other women’s reasons were not.
Each and every one of these characters by turns made me mad, sad, and proud. Sometimes she I felt a particular character was turning things around and finding some sort of redemption, she’d turn around and do something infuriating again.
While this is a story about the women, I couldn’t help but feel a sort of sympathy for Adam while hating him to the very marrow of my bones. He did unforgivable things, but did his parents turn him into the man he became? While the women’s burdens were far great than his, so much was expected of him while his brothers had no expectations. I would never forgive the things he did, but I can understand why he turned to drinking and drugs as an outlet
Having all these different perspectives helps the reader to see how different scenarios could play out. Those that stayed, those that left, those that spoke up. Is one way truly better than another when they all include some sort of sacrifice? An interesting question to thing about.
You can read my book club’s take on this story at https://allingoodtimeblog.wordpress.com/2020/01/28/a-woman-is-no-man-book-club/
Powerful novel. Great for book club discussion.
I loved the book until the very end, and then I wondered if there were pages missing from my copy. There is some foreshadowing, but not enough to make me wish for a more complete ending.
A look into traditional Palestinian families, the place and restrictions of the woman’s lives. The view is narrow, describing the worst abuse. Families coming to the United States evolve allowing more freedom for women. The book is very moving but lacks a look at the more progressive trends. Worth reading.
A Woman is No Man is one of those special novels you come across once in awhile that provides searing insight and a lot of emotion. This was a difficult read for me, in that there are so many layers to unpack, and so much trauma to navigate through. But it is a brilliant debut, and is richly written. Rum creates a space to inhabit, to live, to feel, to empathize. And that is one of the most important and intense experiences a reader can have.
A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum is a heart wrenching contemporary novel. It is set in 1990 moving forwards, and 2008, exploring the role of women in today’s society.
The role of women is further complicated by the fact that we are looking at a mother and her daughter who are both Arab and American and struggling to find where they belong. Their unique cultures are at war with each other. “She had lived her entire life straddled between two cultures.” Their mother/grandmother wants them to remain true to their heritage but the women want something more.
“Marriage, motherhood – that is a woman’s only worth.” This is a horrifying sentence to the modern reader. Women are worth so much more but criticised for aiming higher in the book. The result is frustration for both the reader and the characters.
A woman’s worth is linked to her husband. He can do as he likes with her, she is his property. If he wants to abuse her, it’s okay so long as she disguises the bruises with make-up. There are some truly shocking to read scenes. The abuse is sanctioned traditionally by both males and females.
Females are seen as second class citizens. They are mainly good for carrying sons but are pitied if they produce daughters. “She had given him three daughters… She didn’t deserve his love. She wasn’t worthy.”
The characters are all well drawn and the lead characters are easy to empathise with. Etaf Rum has produced a fabulous debut novel highlighting the tensions for women as they try to escape their traditional roles. “The world hurts less when you aren’t hoping.” This has to be one of the saddest utterances. Without hope we die inside.
A Woman Is No Man is a powerful read. It is a narrative that needs to be told. It is heart breaking. It is realistic. And it is a necessary read. Thank you Etaf Rum for such a fantastic story.
I received this book for free. A favourable review was not required and all views expressed are my own.
I thought this book was great. It was a real eye opener to the treatment of women from other countries even when living in the United States! A must read!
This is one of my favorite books of all time. It was so well written that I couldn’t stop reading even though it as so sad and tragic. It was also very refreshing to hear a new voice as I get the same over and over. This book is a must read for all Americans as I think it give understanding to a place and culture so many don’t and won’t try to understand, where this is a story they can start to get pieces of that. I can not wait for more books!! Please keep writing!!!
Powerful story of women fighting against culture, family, and honor to find peace and happiness. It is so difficult to go against the grain. Question the norms. Yet every generation and every culture has given birth to one’s who are strong enough to say NO MORE. This is just such a story.
After reading A Woman is No Man I felt like a part of the world, that I had not thought much about, had become tangible.
The time period that the book spans across was the most shocking part of the book. It has opened my eyes to the Palestinian- American culture and how they treat women. I am happy have learned something new from this book. I hope this book gives women the strength to build a better world for ALL women and stand up for injustice.
Not your typical book about mothers and daughter at least not no I could relate too but I found I could not but this book down. To think that a daughter somewhere has a duty to marry at a certain age not for love but because it’s expected. I found the characters real and what they all go through so woman even it they are not from certain countries goes through something similar. What a great Debut Novel.
Is this a book with a message, yes. Does the author make sure her message comes across, yes. Does she do a beautiful job creating characters and a storyline that tugs at your heartstrings and makes you weep for the characters absolutely! I love the structure of the novel, following three Palenstinian American woman and the struggles they face in a patriarchal culture. I had a particular soft spot for Deya, but I enjoyed reading about Isra and Fareeda as well. The prose is beautiful and the message is an important one. Rum’s own voices story was missing and I’m so glad A Woman is No Man has filled that void.
This book introduces you to another culture and bridges confusion.