“It made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me think.” -Liane Moriarty, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Big Little LiesThis is how a family keeps a secret…and how that secret ends up keeping them.This is how a family lives happily ever after…until happily ever after becomes complicated.This is how children change…and then change the world.This is Claude. He’s five years old, the … children change…and then change the world.
This is Claude. He’s five years old, the youngest of five brothers, and loves peanut butter sandwiches. He also loves wearing a dress, and dreams of being a princess.
When he grows up, Claude says, he wants to be a girl.
Rosie and Penn want Claude to be whoever Claude wants to be. They’re just not sure they’re ready to share that with the world. Soon the entire family is keeping Claude’s secret. Until one day it explodes.
Laurie Frankel’s This Is How It Always Is is a novel about revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family. And it’s about the ways this is how it always is: Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again, parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts, children grow but not always according to plan. And families with secrets don’t get to keep them forever.
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I would never have read this book if not for my book club… and I’m glad I did! A fictional account about a very real issue—gender identity—and how one family full of kids dealt with it. I would recommend it.
Anyone who has a family must read this. It tells you how it is to become transgendered ! Will not spoil this little treasure. Read it !
I found myself having mixed reactions to Laurie Frankel’s book. It explores family dynamics within a family in which the youngest son (assigned male) begins to recognize that his identity is actually female (Poppy). Rather than tell the story, Frankel raises the interest level with a number of subtexts — non-traditional gender roles, use of fairy tales as metaphor. While these were initially interesting, they became, quite honestly tiresome, and I found myself skipping over parts of the book to be able to return to the story at hand. I wanted to know what happened to Poppy, and not some fairy tale character.
The family initial resides in the Midwest, but moves to Seattle after recognizing that conservative Midwest values may not be the best atmosphere for their trans child. They make the decision (with their therapist’s blessing — unlikely) to hide Poppy’s birth sex, and go to some lengths to ensure that. The rationale is that it is nobody’s business, which is true, but it becomes increasingly clear that this becomes a “secret” almost as destructive as hiding within one’s self. The secret affects both parents, who begin to disagree on next steps for Poppy. Puberty blockers? Hormones? Poppy herself takes all in stride, not even recognizing that it is unusual that she has a penis.
As a therapist who works with transgender kids and adults, I have to agree with a previous reviewer who points out some of discrepancies from what we do usually see. Even in kids that have extraordinarily supportive families, there is generally some degree of body dysphoria and taking a penis in stride is unlikely to say the least. While the family had a therapist-consultant at times, who consulted via Skype, “Mr. Tongo” was frankly a ridiculous character who dressed as a gorilla at times and was wholly unorthodox. There seemed to be no real medical followup.
While I would say that this book is worthwhile for addressing a needed topic, and Frankel has a trans child so is connected to the topic, the misrepresentations take away from the book. Read it — but know that.
I cannot believe how much I enjoyed this book. It was beautiful and eye opening and heart breaking. A big, heartwarming dose of reality. How do you explain gender roles to your obviously transgender 5 year old son when you don’t really adhere to them, strictly speaking, yourself? Rosey is a doctor who works outside the home and is the breadwinner of the family while her husband Penn stays home with the kids and writes his novels. 5 boys, no girls… until the youngest decides she is.
So great for a book club read. So much to talk about!
Love this book. You wonder how would a family with a very young child handle the child’s desire to change his gender This was one family’s solution.
This was so well written with interesting characters, a story that is of interest in today’s ever changing world of how we view those who are different from ourselves.
Our book group read it and we all loved it. We found we learned a lot and it changed our views. Although this novel’s main theme is about a family raising a transgender child, we also enjoyed the themes of storytelling and parenting.