The complex, deeply binding relationship between mothers and daughters is brought vividly to life in Katie Hafner’s remarkable memoir, an exploration of the year she and her mother, Helen, spent working through, and triumphing over, a lifetime of unresolved emotions. Dreaming of a “year in Provence” with her mother, Katie urges Helen to move to San Francisco to live with her and Zoë, Katie’s … and Zoë, Katie’s teenage daughter. Katie and Zoë had become a mother-daughter team, strong enough, Katie thought, to absorb the arrival of a seventy-seven-year-old woman set in her ways.
Filled with fairy-tale hope that she and her mother would become friends, and that Helen would grow close to her exceptional granddaughter, Katie embarked on an experiment in intergenerational living that she would soon discover was filled with land mines: memories of her parents’ painful divorce, of her mother’s drinking, of dislocating moves back and forth across the country, and of Katie’s own widowhood and bumpy recovery. Helen, for her part, was also holding difficult issues at bay.
How these three women from such different generations learn to navigate their challenging, turbulent, and ultimately healing journey together makes for riveting reading. By turns heartbreaking and funny—and always insightful—Katie Hafner’s brave and loving book answers questions about the universal truths of family that are central to the lives of so many.
Praise for Mother Daughter Me
“The most raw, honest and engaging memoir I’ve read in a long time.”—KJ Dell’Antonia, The New York Times
“A brilliant, funny, poignant, and wrenching story of three generations under one roof, unlike anything I have ever read.”—Abraham Verghese, author of Cutting for Stone
“Weaving past with present, anecdote with analysis, [Katie] Hafner’s riveting account of multigenerational living and mother-daughter frictions, of love and forgiveness, is devoid of self-pity and unafraid of self-blame. . . . [Hafner is] a bright—and appealing—heroine.”—Cathi Hanauer, Elle
“[A] frank and searching account . . . Currents of grief, guilt, longing and forgiveness flow through the compelling narrative.”—Steven Winn, San Francisco Chronicle
“A touching saga that shines . . . We see how years-old unresolved emotions manifest.”—Lindsay Deutsch, USA Today
“[Hafner’s] memoir shines a light on nurturing deficits repeated through generations and will lead many readers to relive their own struggles with forgiveness.”—Erica Jong, People
“An unusually graceful story, one that balances honesty and tact . . . Hafner narrates the events so adeptly that they feel enlightening.”—Harper’s
“Heartbreakingly honest, yet not without hope and flashes of wry humor.”—Kirkus Reviews
“[An] emotionally raw memoir examining the delicate, inevitable shift from dependence to independence and back again.”—O: The Oprah Magazine (Ten Titles to Pick Up Now)
“Scrap any romantic ideas about what goes on when a 40-something woman invites her mother to live with her and her teenage daughter for a year. As Hafner hilariously and touchingly tells it, being the center of a family sandwich is, well, complicated.”—Parade
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I liked it
It was a great true story of one woman’s attempt to create a home for three generations of women. I found her efforts inspiring -and also a bit of a cautionary tale.
Well written and informative about relationships. Very readable. Actually could not put it down!
Interesting memoir. I found it very difficult to like any of the family members, especially the granddaughter. Poor me, poor parenting, need a man and on and on through the book. I wondered the point in writing this tell all, air my family’s dirty laundry. What did the daughter hope to prove. I enjoyed it to a point and finished it to see how things played out.
One of the best memoirs I have ever read. And I’ve read ALOT.
Insightful for those of us between generations , contemplating new living situations.
I like the characters in this book,I like the true story about what had happened…
It teaches me a lot about relationship between daughter and mother…
Thank for the inspiration…
Dealing with an alcoholic mother during childhood, trying to resolve issues as an adult and then three generations of women living together. It hits home for me and reaffirms that my feelings are not out of line with many issues.
If you ever wonder how moms and daughters get along this book answers it with humor and reality. It was very informative and I could see myself as the mother and daughter. Good read
Quite an original story. Loving, but complicated, relationships exposed. Light and quirky. Good “beach” book.
Very engaging and realistic.
I really didn’t enjoy this book. It was very hard to like and/or sympathize with the characters. For example, there are multiple references to financial troubles but the locations of the events are very affluent areas. I grew up in the San Diego area (in a true lower SES areas) and it bothered me the way she wrote about her experiences in, what i consider, to be very nice areas. Also, her lifestyle in SF leaves very little room for much sympathy.
Excellent,realistic on an all too common a subject ,very inspiring
I very much enjoyed this book. Finished in a couple of days. I live alone. I am 71, my daughter is 43, my granddaughter is 15. I could relate to the characters easily. I live 8 hours from my daughter and her family. I see them several times a year and enjoy my visits but could not imagine living with them. The same city would be ideal but not under the same roof; yet my widowed grandmother lived with us when I was growing up and my parents both worked. It was an ideal life for me but the world of today is vastly different. Great read and would highly recommend this book.
I really enjoyed it – especially because of the way the authors writes. She uses her words well.
A cautionary tale for those considering multi-generational co-habitation.
An interesting memoir tracing the experiences of a mother, daughter, and granddaughter trying to live together with disastrous results. The reader can empathize with all three characters although the teenaged daughter is a real problem, more so than the aged grandmother although the mother, sandwiched between, doesn’t seem to think so. It’s a cautionary tale for anyone considering such a move. These people are wealthy and advantaged, yet they couldn’t make their arrangement work. Multi-generational,households are hard work!
Perfect for the many woman faced with an aging parent and having to make decisions for them. Written beautifully with just enough humor to make the doses of reality easier to handle.