Once upon a time, in an alleyway in the slums of the City of Lockes, a young and somewhat lonely boy named Sam Haversford turns a group of teenage douchebags into stone completely by accident.Of course, this catches the attention of a higher power, and Sam’s pulled from the only world he knows to become an apprentice to the king’s wizard, Morgan of Shadows.When Sam’s 14, he enters the Dark Woods … enters the Dark Woods and returns with Gary, the hornless gay unicorn, and a half-giant named Tiggy, earning the moniker Sam of Wilds.
At 15, Sam learns what love truly is when a new knight arrives at the castle – Knight Ryan Foxheart, the dreamiest dream to have ever been dreamed.
Naturally, it all goes to hell when Ryan dates the reprehensible Prince Justin, Sam can’t control his magic, a sexually aggressive dragon kidnaps the prince, and the king sends them on an epic quest to save Ryan’s boyfriend, all while Sam falls more in love with someone he can never have.
Or, so he thinks
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The Lightning-Struck Heart by T.J. Klune
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Book: The Lightning-Struck Heart
Author: T.J. Klune
Type: Book 1 in ‘Tales from Verania’
POV: First Person (Sam)
Genre: Fantasy Romance
Rating: 5 Stars!
Age: Sam – 20; Ryan – 25.
Warning: Don’t drink at all while reading this book. I’m serious. I DIED LAUGHING. This is the funniest shit I’ve ever read in my life. I had tears, literal tears, rolling down my face. And don’t even ask about my family. They probably thought I should be institutionalized. All credit goes to Todd (Rainbow Warrior) for recommending this one. If I kick the bucket reading the next one, he should be held responsible.
I like your shoes,” I said. Because I did. They were pink and pointed, and I wanted a pair like that so bad. My mom and dad groaned. Morgan looked at me and cocked his head.
“Thank you, little one. I made them out of the tears of a succubus and a lightning-struck tree stump I found under the Winter Moon. I like your face.”
I grinned. “Thank you, big one. My parents made it when they got married. I was a honeymoon baby, whatever that means.”
My God, this book. It was amazing and adorable and made me fall in love with all the characters. Oh how I loved this romantic fantasy with all its uniqueness and epic world-building. It was HILARIOUS AS HELL. Which doesn’t make sense because hell shouldn’t be hilarious. I know some of the content is contrived and silly, but simply because Klune catches a perfect stride in his narration does he manage to keep the reader entertained and doubling over in laughter. I want to kick myself in the butt for not putting T.J. Klune on my list of authors to watch out for sooner. The writing was great and I definitely have a new fave author. I didn’t know anything about The Lightning-Struck Heart prior to reading. I only knew it was funny and had RAVE reviews. This book has everything. Straight up hilarious banter that had me shaking with laughter, a great story line that rocks, the wildest of Sams that had ever samned, a snarky gay hornless unicorn best friend, a freakin awesome half giant with his love for smashing (kinda reminded me of Hulk) and a ‘dashing and immaculate knight’ who poses.
I wish I could find that one person made for me so that way I can show them why I was made for them.
There were so many lines from this book I want to quote that I’d probably run out of characters if I did. This is not a book for the prudes of the world or for the ones that get offended by profanities and countless references to genitalia from a unicorn and a dragon. Although this story is pretty potty-mouthed with lots of “grown-up” language thrown about, it’s also incredibly sweet and almost reads like a fairytale. This was really a good change in between reading all the dark romances. The highlight of this book, for me, were some of the secondary characters, especially Gary, Tiggy, Kevin and even Justin. I kinda wish that Justin, Sam and Ryan would have an epic threesome and live happily ever after three-way. The chapters’ names were something else. Here are some;
Ducks, Blueberries, and Accidental Almost Hand Jobs
Turning Noses into Dicks and Other Stories
Six-Inch-Tall Angry Naked Men with Wings
I’ve Got Wood and I’m Ready to Masticate.
“The first time I met him, I accidentally turned his nose into a penis. I was young and thought about dick a lot.”
Ryan almost fell down. For no apparent reason. He wasn’t even walking.
I arched an eyebrow at him. “You okay?”
“I just…,” Ryan started. “I don’t….Sam.”
“That pretty much sums up how we all feel about Sam,” Gary said. “Fond with strong overtures of horror.”
The Lightning-Struck Heart was exactly what I needed to relax, let my hair down and laugh my ass off. this book has a very specific sense of humor, so you’ll either love it, or it just won’t be for you. Me? I frickin loved it. I’d recommend this book to anyone who loves MM romance and laughing until you almost pee yourself.
Here are some of my favorite scenes:
1.
“Do god stuff,” I muttered, elbowing Kevin (the dragon).”Be all godly.”
Kevin took a step forward, his claws digging into the earth. The crowd in front of us said, “Ooooh.”
When he spoke, his voice was deep and rumbly. He sounded ridiculous. “You approacheth my keepeth, mere mortals. What sayeth you for spaketh to me? Eth.”
“Oh my gods,” I said. “Dude. Come on. You had one job.”
2.
Since I didn’t know what I was doing at all and figured I might as well try and fake it as much as possible, I raised my hands, palms out toward the stone teenagers, and shouted, “Malakasham!”
Morgan said, “What.”
“Flora Bora Slam!”
Morgan said, “Flora Bora Slam?” It sounded like he was choking.
“Abra Wham!”
Morgan said, “What are you doing?”
I squinted up at him. “Saying magic words until magic happens?”
“Magic words?”
“Isn’t that how magic happens? You say magic words and magic stuff happens. Like people turning to stone and exploding nipples.”
“I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be because of Flora Bora Slam,” he said dryly.
“Pfft,” I muttered. “Like YOU know.” Oh, but wait. He was the King’s Wizard. “Okay, so, you would know.”
“Flora Bora Slam,” he said again, rolling his eyes.
“Well, I’m all out of ideas.”
He looked incredulous. “THAT was your idea?”
“Yes. It might have gone better in my head.”
“I have a feeling that sums up your life perfectly.”
Since I was too young to understand I was being insulted, I beamed and said, “Thank you!”
3.
“Gary, why Sam sweating?”
“Well you see, my dear Tiggy. When a boy loves another boy very much, it makes him awkward and have feelings in his penis and mmmphh!”
“Sam, why you use magic and glue Gary’s mouth shut?”
“Is that what that was? Gosh! I just thought I was singing to myself!”
“MMMMPH!”
4.
“Your magic gets me hard,” he said, looking like he wished he could be anywhere but where he was. “When you do anything, I get hard, really. Even your ridiculous sex puns. You remember when you wrapped those Dark wizards in stone at the restaurant?”
“Yeah,” I managed to say.
“I wanted to tell you that you gave me an e-rock-tion.” He bent over and banged his forehead against the table. “Why, why, why did I say that out loud? Please. Someone. Anyone. Kill me.”
“Sex puns,” I breathed. “Knight Delicious Face said a sex pun.”
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Okay, you’re going to know in the first three pages whether this is your jam versus something you need to gently put aside. I recommend reading a sample if available. Basically, if you’re down for dick jokes (nonstop) and sex jokes (similar) and banter of the kind that isn’t so much rambling as entire conversational side quests, you’re good. If you want something more serious with the same sweetness of characters (they’re sweet! they’re just also very fond of dick jokes) and found-family warmth (so much of it), definitely try Klune’s House in the Cerulean Sea.
Content warning: Casual use of the word “r*pe” and casual references to sexual assault. Neither of these ever occurs on or off page, and if/when the actual actions come up in discussion, the characters discuss them seriously and sympathetically. However, the language caught me off guard, so – to prevent that for others, here we are.
Well, eff me sideways, I wasn’t expecting this!
The blurb did in no way prepare me for the awesomeness that is The Lightning-Struck Heart. It was the reviews, the never-ending recommendations and the author that made me click on the Buy now button. That and the credit on my Audible account. Because I’ve been listening my way through this kick-ass story.
I don’t tend to gush. But some stories frankly deserve gushing, and this is undoubtedly one of them.
However, I wasn’t immediately sucked into the story. Klune’s writing-style takes some getting used to and during the first chapter I was also wondering if I’d accidentally started listening to one of the sequels. But holy frak, soon I couldn’t make myself turn it off. I’ve neglected my family and lost serious sleep over this audio-book.
This is a fantasy, slow-burn, M/M romance. There are wizards, both good and bad, fairies and dragons, castles and swoon-y knights. And it most certainly isn’t a childrens’ book since it’s pretty much sexual pun heaven.
I can’t recommend this book enough. Just like the other Klune stories I’ve read, The Lightning-Struck Heart is hilarious. Hilarious! Snort-laughing kind of hilarious. So if you don’t want to come off as a loon, you might want to avoid reading or listening to it in public. Sam is the epitome of sass and snark. He’s one of the funniest and most lovable characters I’ve ever come across. And his side-kick, Gary (the gay, horn-less, unicorn. How does Klune come up with these things!?!), and their banter is pretty much priceless. The story is told in large part through dialogue and the inner monologue of Sam which makes fast work of getting to know and fall in love with him. So yes, the story is very much character-driven which is my favourite kind of story. To me, the love of the characters and the awkwardly charming interactions between Sam and Ryan were the main reasons I couldn’t seem to turn the audio-book off. There is of course a perfectly fine storyline involving the quest to save prince Justin, but to me, that’s secondary.
But I couldn’t possibly write this review without mentioning the spectacular job the narrator Michael Lesley does. I usually prefer reading for myself, but I would be seriously missing out if I hadn’t chosen the audio-version. He’s fabulous. Just fabulous.
And I’m gushing.
You should read it. Or listen to it. Because then you’ll be gushing too.
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